A
female
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anonymous
writes:I finished a relationship a while back because i felt it lost its spark etc,it lasted 4 years but my fella wouldn't take no for an answer,anyway we have got back together because i started to miss him and wanted to work out our differences. Anyway, i did ask him if he went with any other women while we were apart and he confessed there was one he did see for a few months.I was shocked by this because when we did split up he was still pursuing me,so how could he of wanted to sleep with another woman if he still wanted me back? He said it was because i rejected him and he felt lonely and depressed but i cant get my head round the fact that he was quick to look elsewhere.Am i right to feel like this or what?
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male
reader, home_land  +, writes (24 March 2007):
 hello,i have also the same problem with my wife,and i still have onther relation ship and i really do love them both i am a jung man and both of them 10 years older than me and to me its a hard strugel becouse my wife i have been runing behaid her for 4 years many times she did leave me i was thinking of killing my self i walked a whol night under heavy rain searching for her and i did found her and i was sen away by her brother that did hurt me so much to the point zhat made lose conchas and land in the hospital in one night over 50 km walking under a heavy rain at that time i had no relation ship with no body . working hard we had sex every day i was allways there for my wife i have done every thing a man can do and more and 2 years a go she left me again i use to drive 200 km to viset her and many times she kicked me out and had to sleep in the car she was telling me that i had a relation ship with the doughter of my buss and we were only normal freinds and with her bushing my away that made me think and really the freind ship turned to be love story and i never sotped loving my wife and i still love her its not every thing is about sex becouse there is 2 people involved in relation ship and when one think that he or she own the other person that means you push him or her away from you love is great world and has a place for more than one ..............and you can ask any thing about my problem if you like .
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2007): hello,i have also the same problem with my wife,and i still have onther relation ship and i really do love them both i am a jung man and both of them 10 years older than me and to me its a hard strugel becouse my wife i have been runing behaid her for 4 years many times she did leave me i was thinking of killing my self i walked a whol night under heavy rain searching for her and i did found her and i was sen away by her brother that did hurt me so much to the point zhat made lose conchas and land in the hospital in one night over 50 km walking under a heavy rain at that time i had no relation ship with no body . working hard we had sex every day i was allways there for my wife i have done every thing a man can do and more and 2 years a go she left me again i use to drive 200 km to viset her and many times she kicked me out and had to sleep in the car she was telling me that i had a relation ship with the doughter of my buss and we were only normal freinds and with her bushing my away that made me think and really the freind ship turned to be love story and i never sotped loving my wife and i still love her its not every thing is about sex becouse there is 2 people involved in relation ship and when one think that he or she own the other person that means you push him or her away from you love is great world and has a place for more than one ..............and you can ask any thing about my problem if you like .
[email address blocked]
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A
female
reader, elsie +, writes (14 March 2007):
 ive had the same sort of treatment only my guy decided to sleep with me and then tell me afterwards he'd been with someone else.he's come clean.i bet all the time he was with her he wanted you.ofcourse he must have had some feelings for her otherwise he'd be some sort of robot.ofcourse there's the old chestnut that he was keeping her on the backburner.you rejected him once so obviously hes not going to dump someone who liked him just because he's pursuing you?you could have said no again and then he'd have felt twice as low.p.s.ask him to dye his hair see how he feels.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the good advice everyone but yesterday when i spoke to him he did say that he felt something for her and that she ended the relationship,also he has a thing for blondes and he asked me to go blonde again but im dark haired now,the woman he was seeing was blonde,so thats why i feel gutted about the whole thing.In my eyes he was pursuing me so he never accepted the break up completely then slept with this woman for a few months,something tells me that it wasn't the case that he was depressed etc but that he saw her one night...fancied her and wanted sex with her and using that excuse about me ending it to ease his guilt.
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female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (10 March 2007):
 You are right to feel this way, I would too and would not take him back if he's been with someone else while we were apart. Anyway, I think the main problem here is not understanding the differences between men and women: when we love and care for someone, usually, we only want to make love to them and can't even think about another man in that way. Men, however, are sometimes different to us: they can quite easily be in love with one woman and sleep with another, as many of them can separate love and sex and see it as a purely physical act.
I can understand he was hurt and some men like to establish themselves as a strong man again by being with other women and stuff but that's no excuse. He should have been putting that energy into trying to get you bac, not getting other women in bed.
However, if you love him and want this to work, it can. He didn't cheat, strictly speaking, and if you still trust him, it can be sorted. You just have to ask yourself whether you can handle the fact that the man you're with can separate love from sex and wonder whether that is a good or bad trait? I know lot's of men can, I haven't really found many who can, but I'm sure they're out there!
Good luck and try to let this go, whatever you decide. There are many wonderful men out there who will love and cherish you as you deserve and who feel about sex, the same way you do. The decision is yours but don't be too hard on him.
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female
reader, aunty t  +, writes (10 March 2007):
 Yes you are right to feel this way he has hurt you by going with another woman. But in saying that you are the one that ended things. He says he felt rejected and lonely and i would believe this. I would say he still loved you when he was going out with this other woman. Alot of people jump into new relationships on the rebound. The main thing here is that you are back together and you need to get this relationship on the right track. I know that you are feeling hurt but you need to put those feelings behind you and move on if not this could start to cause problems and you could be back to splitting up. He didnt cheat on you as you were apart when he went out with this woman.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2007): Well you had split up, he thought you didn't want him back, he told you the truth he was feeling lonely and rejected. He was still pursuing you at the time, so really she was only second best in his eyes. I did exactly the same when my bf split with me, I went and slept with another guy for the same reasons, although it was never like when I was with my bf. I suppose this is making you feel a little jealous and insecure,plus it has knocked your ego a little? Try and put it behind you and concentrate on a future together if you love him. It's not as though he was cheating on you when you were together?
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