A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 21 yr old college student attending same school as my ex BF We dated for 3 years but I broke things off this summer because I was not happy with the lack of effort he put into our relationship. He was very upset; even wrote a long letter to my family professing his love for me etc. We have only been back to school for a few weeks and he already has a new girlfriend. I am confused; how could he love me and move on so fast? I am still trying to pick up the pieces. Is this normal?
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female
reader, this_years_love  +, writes (9 October 2007):
 Men are interesting to say the least.
although your ex may have been very much in love with you, and likely still cares very deeply for you, he is doing this to move on with his life.
women often tend to live in the past for a while after a relationship ends and look back to remember all of the good times and every smile that made us fall for him, every look that melted our hearts...whereas although men remember some of these things, they deal with things as they come a bit better. He has likely written that letter to get it off his chest, and is now just looking to move on with his life. That is not to say he isn't hurting, he just wants to move forward-and so should you. he may do that by dating other women, you may do that by taking a weekend away with a friend for example..we all have ways of dealing with our problems, so do what works for you and try your best to stay positive. How much you love/loved somebody is not represented by how long you mourne for them...but in how you cared for them during your relationship. keep this in mind and best of luck
xx
A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (9 October 2007):
I'm so sorry. And I'm also sorry, but the fact is that a lot of guys are screwed up when it comes to emotional things. As women, we know to deal with our emotions, to grieve the loss of a relationship before we move on. We don't think it's fair to get involved with someone new if we are still getting over someone else. And when we finally do move on, we really are ready. But for guys, they don't do this. They don't process things emotionally, they don't deal with it. The way they ease the pain is to get next to the first warm body that comes along. Also, you rejected him, so in addition to the blow to his heart, his ego is bruised. He needs to prove he's still desirable to women. Ergo... the new girlfriend. You see him with her and think like a woman, that he's moved on because he's dealt with it and he's over you. Except he's a guy, and even though he may be with someone else... i guarantee he's NOT over his ex-girlfriend of 3 years who broke up with him. Don't believe me? Go watch the movie Hi Fidelity with John Cusack. It took that guy 10 years to finally deal with past break ups.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (9 October 2007):
 At your age, I'm afraid it is. You ended the relationship after all, you should be happy for him that he has moved on with his life and wish him all the best.
In any event, haven't your fears about his effort and commitment been confirmed after he rebounded straight into the arms of another girl?
Enjoy your college years, have some fun and stop worrying about past loves!
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