A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:First of all, I should explain a little bit about my current situation:I am from Mexico, my mother is a US Citizen. My life-long dream has been to live in NYC so ever since I was 12, I've been asking her to get my US Citizenship because as a daughter of a citizen, I am entitled to it.She never did anything about it. When I turned 17, a friend of hers told her she was moving to Florida to start a Tennis club. My mom loved the idea of living at the beach so she made arrangements and asked my father to help her move (they are divorced). My dad agreed to help her with money (she has never worked so she depends on my dad even if they are divorced) if she agreed to get my citizenship while we were here.We moved. Ever since then, she made no effort to get my citizenship even though I asked her every single day to start the process. She would reply with awful remarks and made me feel like I was the worst daughter in the world, which I am not (I don't drink, do drugs, I am career-focused, get straight A's at school, etc.)So I contacted myself a few immigration lawyers and the best rate I got was 5,500 USD for the whole process. I told my father about this and he asked for a loan, got the money and sent it to my mother. This was about 4 months ago. Ever since then, she constantly threatens me to not get my citizenship for the most stupid things, she even threatened me not to get it because I left a glass of water on the table by accident! I also saved up to go to NYC for the summer course at FIT (which I payed, as well as the flight, etc by selling my computer and several other things, she didn't spend a single penny on this), and now she makes me feel bad about going because apparently I should've given her the money I earned for that trip to help her pay for the citizenship.So anyway, she constantly threatens me and makes me feel like crap for this. I am crying 80% percent of the time over this and over the crap she throws out at me. The process of my citizenship started last week, after a lot of begging, she finally agreed to do it. She payed the lawyers and everything. But, yesterday, out of the blue, she told me she was no longer going to help me and that she had cancelled the check she gave to the lawyer. Her reason? She said my father was dating someone. I asked her how did she know about this and she said that my dad had not responded to a call she made.Whether my dad is dating someone or not (I don't think this is true, personally). I don't see how he is doing anything wrong because they have been divorced for over 6 years now. Even so, I don't really agree with her wanting to jeopardize something that could help me go to a better university than I could ever get in Mexico because my father is dating someone.She told me she didn't care, and that if I wanted to get my citizenship, I would have to make my dad break up with his (imaginary) girlfriend.I am so stressed, my hair is falling out. I don't know what to do. Any advice? I try to be nice to her and to not get us into any fights but to me it seems like she is just looking for excuses to keep that money for herself or something...A few minutes ago, she came to my room and told me I was selfish for wanting to go to a college in NY, that I would be affecting my siblings and that they would not be able to go to school because of me! Even though I am going to FIT, which is a state college, it's not like I asked my dad to pay for New York Film Academy or anything. I also want to work this coming year before I finish high school so that I can pay for my living in NY before I find a part-time job. We've talked about this before, I don't really see how I am being selfish for wanting to get educated, to be honest. Am I wrong for hating her? I know that hate is a pretty strong word but that's exactly how I feel right now...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2012): She spent the money already and is looking for an easy excuse to not follow through. I wouldn't suggest hating your own mother but the way she's treated you is just bullshit. I would let my father know his ex wife has squandered his money and he should think about ending his support for such a selfish person. You can do it yourself and you don't need her. She just needs to pay your father back or do as she is suppose to. I would suggest cutting ties with her. She sounds like a b*tch. Sorry. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2012): An idea for raising money to pay for it yourself, here in the UK we have magazines that pay £500 - £2000 for real life stories if they have a bit a drama in. Maybe sell you story about your plea for citizenship and how your dream to study etc... If a magazine in the US is going to pay you then there's some money straight away. The magazine could even ask readers to forward any donations to them or something.
Desperate times call for desparate measures and I know if I was in your position I would want the money so badly to get that citizenship. You might not want to do this though, I wonder if you can approach your father or any other relatives to help loan you the money?
I have no idea why your mother would behave like she does, but then no family life is ever simple and I think many of us question our mothers in life!
Good luck and I hope you get citizenship and achieve your dream of going to NYC x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2012): @Basschick I find your answer a little simplistic. You very well CAN hate your mother if she is not a good person. Saying that you cannot is how some people end up staying in abuaive households because 'you have to love your mother'
OP your mother is vindictive and controlling, and I suggest you obtain citizenship on your own. After obtaining citizensip, try to pay your own way and not let her control you.
Best of luck to you.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (8 August 2012):
 You should never hate your mother. You can be angry with her. You can be sad, disappointed and upset. But never, ever hate her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2012): You need to understand your mother's REAL REASON for not wanting to help you with this. All she is giving you is a series of silly rationalisations which do her no credit and only serve to confuse you. So she has succeeded. I have no idea what her real reason is but you can guarantee it doesn't have your best interests at heart. People use rationalisations when their real reason is socially unacceptable.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 August 2012):
 I would look into other ways to obtain your citizenship. And yes your mom sounds like a evil witch to be honest. But you are wasting your emotions on hating her.
Put those into action, find out if there are ways you can study at NYC on a Visa perhaps? Til you are 18 and should be able to apply without your mother's help.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (7 August 2012):
She sounds seriously messed up. No you're not wrong for hating her. The problem is that it's such a pointless emotion to have. It's not going to get you anywhere.
Also, I'm not a immigration expert, but why do you need your mother's help to become a citizen? I hear one possibility for you to obtain citizenship or a green card is for her to petition for you, but on the whole you should have the possibility of coming regardless of that, as long as you have proof your mom is a citizen. Why not shoot this website: http://www.uscis.gov a question regarding this whole situation?
As for getting through to your mom, why not write her a letter containing your dreams for the future and that you'd hoped she'd support you because she's your mom, and because she made a promise and that you'd counted on her honor and integrity to keep that promise regardless of how she may feel about it all right now. If she really turns out to be your only ticket to the US, you need empathy, not hate. Getting defensive will not get you anywhere with this woman, even though you're right. Don't kiss her ass, just try and appeal to her good side.
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A
female
reader, Confused702 +, writes (7 August 2012):
I don't believe you truly hate your mother but that being said you do have full right to be upset. There are times my mother does things that I dOnt understand and I can't stand her an I am 28. I believe that being a minor she has full control safely to say.
It does seem to me you mom is a little vindictive using that as a way to control you and to stay with her. This is a very hard sittiation and I would do some research and see if they can give you some advice as to what to do.
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