A
female
age
36-40,
*avie
writes:My boyfriend thinks that I am cheating on him because I don't want sex. We've had sex before and are engaged to get married sometime next year. For the past month I haven't felt the want to have sex with him. Now he thinks that I am getting it somewhere else. I love him and would never do that, but he doesn't believe me. He checks my phone, my e-mail, even watches what I do on the internet and tracks it. Now he says that he won't marry me unless I take a polygraph test. I told him if it would get him off my back that I would, I thought that would be enough to reassure him but he still asks me constantly, "are you cheating on me?" I don't know what to do. Is it a guilty conscience? I asked him and he just says "No, I'm not a cheater." Is there something wrong with me, How come I don't want sex as much anymore? Why can't he just trust me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2008): It looks to me like you just wanted him to find this if he watches everything you do online. This is a common practice of defense (covering tracks).
Maybe you should focus less on him and more on what you could do. It also appears this stems from a previous event, not just the no sex issue. Perhaps you could try new things, that may help but adventurous does not always do it. A polygraph is nothing to hide from if your innocent, be glad to take the test if your innocent there is nothing to hide from. Most important of all isn't really the sex issue here but working towards a strong relationship. Security is only flawed because of an event obviously, perhaps you should communicate with him.
Dr. Davis P.H.D.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2008): sound to me like he really loves you but has trust issues stemming from previous events. My relationship went through this. The polygraph isn't about him not trusting you, its him willing to pay for his security back. I remember before that, my relationship had a great vibe to it. I took my polygraph with no problems. He understood it was a waste of $300 but I was worth it to him. Understand im sure your boyfriend is trying very hard only because he loves you. As for the not having a sex drive anymore, that is because of a lot of reasons. Are you sure your not having sex with someone else? Work, College, and Bills are huge parts of stress. In my relationship, he always felt unappreciated and used. Trust me if you want it back to where it once was then just prove it to him. Be honest with everything you can. Holding things back will only make the ending worse. I suggest you sit him down and talk.
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A
male
reader, Baby boy +, writes (30 March 2008):
 alot of times when men accuse there girlfriends of cheating is because there isuses with him.asure him that you love him and only him.my girlfriend had the same problem with me she constantly proved her love to me and finaly i got the point.and when your with somebody for a while sex is a back seat thing.you could also try to add some spice to your relationship trying new things make it more intresting.be sure your pleased with him and how he functions in the bed (i.e it might be him not you)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2008): To a man, sex is very important, when it isn't, then there probably is a problem with the relationship or he has a health issue.
If you have a condition, as described in the link posted by Mandy7, and your boyfriend is told the condition (preferably by the doctor), then I'm sure he will have an attitude change.
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A
male
reader, polarkite +, writes (30 March 2008):
 The reason he thinks that is because cheating (emotional or sexual) is a very common reason for why people stop having sex.
On the other hand there's other common reasons, like decreased intimacy or stress.
The way to convince him is to talk out why you guys aren't having sex anymore. And to be fully honest with each other.
Right now it's a mystery to him why you are not having sex, and he's looking toward external causes, but you two need to look at the internal. He needs to be willing to face it, instead of taking it like a rejection.
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A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (29 March 2008):
 You really shouldn't be marrying someone who wants you to take a polygraph test just because you don't feel like sex. He seems to have gone completely over the top with this, and I'm sure that would make everything more pressurised for you.
People often, after a while in a relationship, stop wanting sex all the time. You haven't said much about why you don't want it, but I'm wondering if it's not related to the way he is - he sounds very controlling. Maybe part of you just didn't want to play ball (as it were!) any more.
I think the issue of him not trusting you is far more important than the sex thing for now, although, as I say, I think they might be related.
I'm not sure how you can go back from this. He needs to change his attitude completely if he's got any hope of you wanted to have sex with him. I think someone needs to tell him that, although really it shouldn't have to be you. How much do you want to be with this guy? I think that's the first question to answer. (I know it's hard, but now's the time to address it - not after you're married : )
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): Personally, I have had issues with my boyfriend not having interest and after doing some reading, I have found that this can be a psychological thing. If you are getting married next year, you definitely could be having all kinds of emotions about that. Like stress! They say that can have a huge effect on people and their sex drives. Self esteem can also be a big problem. I recommend either doing some self awareness research as to any underlying issues you may be dealing with or go speak with a therapist. I have found that sometimes they can really pull out things you didn't even think of. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): Hi Hunny
There are many reasons why your sex drive has lowered I have found a link for you sweetheart..
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/lackingsexdrive.htm
Also your fiance not believing you and checking up on you will add to the pressure hunny have a read of this maybe book an ap for your doc and show this link to your fiance, PLEASE TAKE OF YOU WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): Tell him if he doesn't trust you then you can't get married to him. If it takes it go take the test and then he will know that you are telling the truth . Tell him that you love him and would never do that to him and just tell him there's nothing wrong with him but lately you don't feel like having sex with him .
thats all the advice I have I hope it helps
*~VG~*
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