A
female
age
30-35,
*eggiemoo72
writes:I'm really struggling right now with a few things and would really love some impartial advice. I'm a 20 (nearly 21) year old dedicated law student with plenty of friends and a busy and varied lifestyle. I have a LOT of interests and an eclectic mix of things I enjoy. I am a bit diferent in my tastes such as I love knitting etc! I am HAPPY with who I am and very secure in myself. I am outgoing and friendly and most people descirbe me as "one of the nicest people they've ever met" (which is FAR too kind but I can only go off what others say!). I'm also not hideous looking or anything- I am decent looking (nothing spectacular) and look after myself and dress with my own personal style.The main problem is that I've never had a boyfriend, been kissed, had sex or even felt affection. Not even close. I haven't even HUGGED a guy properly. I have guy friends and live with 2 of them so I have no problems RELATING to guys....I am very insecure about myself (lookswise) and am terrified that I'm doing something COMPLETELY wrong to stil be alone at this age. I find it very difficult to be comfortable in intimate situations (not that I've had much experience) but by intimate I mean when someone comes even close to showing an interest. I can flirt to an EXTENT but never in a sexual or suggestive way- just being friendly kind of way. I wouldn't say I'm sexy at ALL as I'm more "cute" as EVERYONE calls me. People hav always said they find it hard to imagine me ever having sex as people jsust don't see me like that. I am terrified of sex and I'm sure this is because Ive had NO experience of guys to make me FEEL comfortable. I am SUCH a romantic and also have to feel comfortable with a guy to even THINK about opening up. I can't just open myself up to strangers or people I hardly know ... I need to know I'll be safe and I will be secure with that person. I find it VERY VERY hard to think of myself naked infront of a guy (the ultimate trust that has to exist there for me, just does not come along that often) and I often think a guy will have so much to ut up with with me as I am not experienced or able to be NORMAL with relationships- a least not until I feel comfortable. I am READY to experience it and am so SICK of being alone. Most of my frinds have boyfriends/girlfriends and have someone to text, hug or talk to... you know?I have ABSOLUTELY NO idea how that feels. I've NEVER felt wanted and I a so worried it's MY fault...that I'm doing something completely wrong. I KNOW most people reply "don't worry, you're young...it'll happen". Yes, I understand this but what I'm concerned about is that I haven't even had an OFFER, never mind a little bit of experience and that's NOT normal. I don't drink or really go out clubbing (i just don't really like it or feel comfortable) but I like bars and dancing and live music/festivals but being around men kind of intimidates me as I know they're only after one thing and that makes me feel uncomofrtable. When I find guys who seem DIFFERENT, it's never the right situation to get to know them... or they're just not interested.I'm just SO lonely right now and so insecure and LOW. It's NOT like me.I'm confusing myself but ANY help or advice would be amazing. Sorry for he length. Thank you SO much for reading :)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 September 2009):
You're analysing everything. Don't. You are who you are. It's not that you're doing anything wrong when you meet people. Maybe the fact that you're analysing everything suggests that you need to relax, or even try meeting other people that don't know you, then you can open up and see what happens. Just be who you are, and the right guy WILL come along. There are a lot of girls the same age as you who are unhappy because they've been out with a string og men who don't care about them at all. You're not one of them. There's no rush. The important thing is that when it comes to all those things you're worried about, you;re with the right guy who'll understand you. Hope that's a bit helpful.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009): Ok well I dont mean to sound harsh but you really need to loosen up!don't focus so much on trying to make this perfect situation happen where you meet a really cute guy and he's really into you and really sweet and patient and you'll have the perfect first kiss etc etcbecause nothing ever happens that way... well rarely.i was a bit of a late bloomer too and had the EXACT same thoughts as you in every aspect. then i realised if i want to have these experiences while im young i'll have to stop waiting for the perfect romantic situation and just have fun with it. It's a shame you don't drink as this is what usually gives shy people the confidence to go have a drunken kiss and once theyve done this they realise how easy it is and are not scared to do it sobar. Kissing is like riding a bike you pick it up as you go.. very very easy.. same with sex, it'll happen naturally and you'll get better the more you have it and mayb you should watch some porn just to have a few tricks up your sleeve.You know a lot of the time guys find it more attractive when a girl is all innocent and hasn't slept with many or any people as they are "clean" and it gives you "good-girl sexiness".My best friend is stunning yet no guys ever show interest in her and shes never had a boyfriend but it's because when she goes out and talks to guys she doesnt send off the message she has any interest in them. Guys aren't just going to throw themselves on a girl whose not giving anything back (unless theyre drop dead gorgeous). You said your friendly with guys but not too flirty- just even giving a guy a cheeky smile helps get the message across. Also try to be more physical with guys, start hugging your mates more so you dont have problems getting close to guys. Its funny how shy i used to be but now random people always think my best mates are my boyfriends coz im so close with them and we always hug. You just need to stop stressing, the more you worry the more you'll pysch yourself out, just pretend like you already have and then you wont get all awkward. my cousin never kissed a guy until she was 25!! and its pretty impossible to be a bad kisser its just finding someone who kisses in the same way you do. Are you a sexual person? Do u masterbate? if not mayb you should so you get more in touch with that side of yourself and can access your sexy side better and learn what feels good for you so when you do have sex you'll know what you like and if it feels good for you its highly likely it feels good for him.And im sorry to say this coz its never really good to encourage drinking but i really think the easiest way for you to break your drought is to go to a house party or a club or festival, gig, whatever, looking smoking hot in a cute dress, heels, nice make up and hair and hav some drinks to give you a bit of added confidence.. begin by dancing with your friends, find a hot guy who looks single and you and your friends start dancing near him and then keep giving him obvious really cheeky smiles and then if he comes closer hes obviously keen so move closer to him and ask hows his night going etc etc and then just look at him n smile and then just grab him and kiss him!! no guy would pull away!!! and if when your moving closer he doesnt resipricate the smiles etc then fibnd someone else..And you need to realise that im afraid all guys want sex.. its infortunate but they ALLLL do think about it a lot and all have urges so unless you become a lesbian you'll have to except thats what guys are like, some are a lot worse than others but its human nature and if you just open up to it you may not have such a problem with it. i mean a lot of girls want sex too.. they just aren't as open about it in fear of getting a bad reputation. and i know it doesnt sound that nice to have your first kiss or sex with some random dude but i mean my first kiss was in the back of a car full of people, drunk out of my mind with some guy much older than me whose now married!! who was an absolute idiot but after that i was fine and not scared anymore and its still romantic once you meet a guy you really like, my exboyfriend was the first person i had kissed or had sex with soberly so it almost felt like the first time but atleast i had some idea what i was doing and actually appreciated how much nicer it was with someone i loved.Also how u said its hard to open up to guys.. are you open with your girl friends?? coz i was very closed off until my friends got out of me a lot of personal things from my life id never told anyone and after that i found it a lot easier to open up to people, sometimes im a little too open now but atleast its better than keeping everything to myself.if ppl say your the nicest person theyve ever met, i mean guys like nice people but you have to show them, the reasons you have all the friends you do.. remember its not all about looks. if i met 2 guys who were bith quite attractive but one more than the other ey the slightly less attractive one was more talkative and outgoing i would instintly be more attracted to him........also have you spoken to your mates about everything u wrote in your question?? maybe you could ask one of them to be your first kiss?? just say you want to hav some idea what your doing who cares if its not all romantic its just a kiss after all hollywood has just created a fairytale image of what it should be like.. anyways i dunno if this will help at all.. im a bit hungover and at work so confusing myself a bit so sorry if it doesnt make sense and for all the typos...goodluck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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