A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Trying to make the decision either to ignore statements or end it w boyfriend. Been together 8 years. Tiredof his comments that he would like to see me w another man or women. I understand more of him wanting to see me w another women, most men would like that, BUT his comments of him wanting to see me w another man disturbs me more. He says he's mot the jealous type? Do most men feel this way? I really would not want to see him w another, it would upset me. He makes me feel like I have low self esteem because I feel this way? I have always done whatever I could sexually to please him and then some. Plus I have always been a devoted loyal girlfriend. Why is this not enough?
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jealous, self esteem Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): "He makes me feel like I have low self esteem because I feel this way?."
Your feelings are normal imo.
This guy sounds like a very selfish person. You haves lists of what you do for him and lists of his requests- I'm wondering what he does for YOU that makes it worth it? You are giving way too much in this relationship. What do you do for each other. A relationship is about two people sharing and I could be wrong, but I don't get any sense of the joy of sharing here.
There is also no mention of love. Do you love each other?
I don't think he will ever mature so you have to be the one to do it, most likely on your own.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (3 January 2011):
 He certainly has a nerve. He can't put the effort in to make you feel valued and respected, as much as he should. And he thinks he can satisfy two women? In his dreams.
It is indeed very disturbing that he wants to see you with another man. Never give in to that demand, it is demeaning.
And he is no prize. He has enjoyed benefits from you for 8 years and never proposed marriage? Show him the door.
You are far too good for he likes of him. And you can do better.
Just be very much more discerning, dare I say, assertive about your needs with the next guy,
good luck,
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A
male
reader, Isegrimm  +, writes (3 January 2011):
Men can keep apart sexual desires and love very well so i think what he´s after is to share his fantasies with you.
He might actually freak out if you both would try inviting another guy into your sexual activities and that guy was trying to kiss you.
If you want to make sure what he´s trying to say with this just ask him openly if he´s tired of you.
I have these kind of fantasies myself, but it´s got nothing to do with loving someone less.
I think that he told you about this fantasy is proof that he trusts you so much that he would bring it up because most girls would totally freak out and maybe even break up.
Discuss it with him before you make any harsh decisions
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your answers.. I have done/do everything possible, dressing up/heels/outfits, role play, toys, anal, talk dirty, watch porn together, long body rubs,foot massages, romantic dinners...plus I take care of my health,appearance in general. All this on regular basis. I enjoy sex alot so it's never been a chore. He usually cant keep up with me sexually...He's pushing 50(i'm 45), i thought he would mature some in his thinking by now??? He also mentions once in awhile now how cool it would be to have two women/relationships at once, me as the base and another on the side? this is a no-no for me. To creepy!
I have tried in the past to end things, give things a break but he always calls and begs to give him another chance. I guess people do not change. You would figure someone would not take such things for granted or feel that they are so entitled. We do alot of other things together such as travel, scuba diving ,biking, enjoy just chillin w each other,etc, plus very compatible. I have my own place, pay my own bills. I Have taken care of him when he's been sick...I am not looking for a pat on the back saying this, just trying to understand things, to be able to let go and not respond to him when ending the relationship...It's a new year I would like a new start....Thanks again for your help.appreciate it!!!! answers very helpful
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A
male
reader, Nithyanala  +, writes (3 January 2011):
 Umm...I don't know...I've known a lot of men who've had this fantasy. Some have asked me to be the third person in their threesome (perhaps being a transexual I'm seen as less of a 'man' than normal men without quite being a 'woman'). It's a not-uncommon sexual fantasy so it doesn't neccessarily mean he's tired of you
That said, if it's something you're not comfortable with, he needs to respect that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): Hi there!
You sound like a committed and very faithful woman. I applaud this and agree with your views. That aside, threesomes are logically risky esp if you have been in a relationship for a long time or have been married. So much on this site about such an issue and Ill refer you to any of those general topics. I'll suggest a compromise here and that will definitely not include another person in your sex life. I think this guy is looking to spice things up. Give him some ideas or better yet just do them while ur in the bedroom. Surprise him with a toy or something sexy like give him oral while drinking champagne (some men love the fizzy feeling)... it sounds like you already do a lot. Id hate to say this man is high maintenance to satisfy but talk to him about it outside the bedroom. Good luck on this miss.
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A
female
reader, LadyIris +, writes (3 January 2011):
 You may be right if he wants to see you with another man, he may be hinting to you that he is getting tired of you. I know this because ive done this with my boyfriend, ive hinted to him that I was getting tired of the realationship. He might want you to break up with him so you dont get hurt. If your a loyal girlfriend you deserve better then him! He wont know what he is missing till your gone!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): When someone starts making you feel uncomfortable in this way in a relationship and shows this lack of respect I say it's time to move on. I don't know why it's not enough, it really should be. Obviously he is not the one for you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): Wow, that is really weird. I would never ever ever want to see my GF with another guy. I would even be jealous if she was with a girl. I think most guys would absolutely hate that. It sounds like your boyfriend is a creep, but that's just my limited opinion.
I would have to say, just break it off. People never change.
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