A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My brother is over a decade older than me and married with no children.Because of the economy my brother had to take a job in another state and he flies back home during the month. His first job was by our youngest female cousin who has always been aloof with the family and hard to get to know. She is a couple decades younger than my brother. She is divorced, very attractive and highly accomplished, highly educated and religious. They got together and they hit it off immediately. He coming over to her house to fix dinners since she doesn't cook and him being her Pseudo Boyfriend as he told me for events that she needed to attend. What I heard through the family grapevine is that her parents who are still alive, where concerned since my brother was spending so much time over at her house.Then my brother and our cousin both took jobs in other states and my brother was missing her terribly according to his wife. My brother and our cousin phone each other regularly.I noticed on Facebook that she took an exotic trip abroad. I commented on her Facebook Page and thanked her for sharing her trip and the beautiful photos. Then I talked to my brother. He told me that he gave her a plane ticket as a birthday gift, he had frequent flier miles saved up and told her to take an exotic trip to a place she would never see again.I truly was flabbergasted. More so for my sister-in-law, because wouldn't you want to use those frequent flier miles that you earned by working so hard and take your wife on a special trip together? His wife "loves" to travel. I assume it was okayed by his wife, but I don't know. I call her "the fortress" in a good way, because she can be one tough cookie.Personally, I feel he has a cousin crush and is enamored with her and since they are now in separate states, that this is his way of keeping her in his life.I could be totally off base here in my thinking, but I am uncomfortable with this relationship. Granted, I can't do a thing about it, but as an outsider looking in it's like an older man liking the attention of a younger female and that he will go to whatever lengths to keep the relationship going. She seems to have him wrapped around her finger or have some power over him. I am just uneasy about the situation. Maybe that is what some cousins do for each other, give them trips to go on or other gifts.This has been going on for a couple of years now.I am throwing this out into the public courtroom to see what other people's opinions would be.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2014): She may be worming her way into their lives and replacing you as his kid sister. You never really know. Stranger thinks of have happened.I'm close with a few male cousins, but we have never given each other plane tickets, even if they were accumulated frequent flier miles. He must really be fond of her. Obviously they must have a lot in common. But, given the male mind towards females he might have ulterior motives for the ticket as you have stated. As long as he wife doesn't object there isn't a whole lot you can do.I'd stay silent on the subject and stay in the background. It would be of no use to voice your opinion and all that will breed is discontent in the family. Let them handle it.Interesting observations on your part though. This topic will make me more aware of the interactions of my family.
A
female
reader, ShakeWutUrMamaGaveYou  +, writes (8 September 2014):
Hi Y/n,
I'm sorry that you're put in this rather uncomfortable place, but as you said, there's nothing you can do about it. Your brother probably does have a cousin crush on her, but then again, I could be wrong.
I also think his wife had every right to be upset, because he's putting his cousin before her. He could have used that money to buy his wife a ticket or a special present. Or he could have at least discussed the ticket with his wife and if she was alright about him giving the ticket.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (8 September 2014):
The previous poster is right to caution you against getting overly involved here. You could ask your brother how his wife felt about it if this gift came up in conversation, but as you yourself have said your room to act is minimal here because it is their business. Relationships between cousins can be very close. If I had the money going spare and my cousins were in trouble, I’d probably gift or loan something to them. But if I were in a committed relationship with shared finances I wouldn’t dream of doing that without consulting my partner, especially if it involved something they loved as his wife loves travel. I’d be surprised if, assuming they hadn’t discussed it, his wife was okay with this. You call it a cousin crush, maybe that’s what it is, or maybe he’s just formed a really close friendship with this woman. But my opinion is that he seems to have crossed a line here and his wife has a right to be upset if she’s not been filled in on that spending decision and had her right to comment. But all you can do is advise, and spare your advice for when it’s called upon. If you think voicing your opinion will cause a rift with your brother, maybe best to keep quiet and let them sort it out amongst themselves.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (8 September 2014):
 On the surface it does seem like something funny is going on, but if your sister in law is not raising any alarm bells about it, then I don't think it is anyone's concern. Right now it all just seems like circumstantial evidence with no actual solid proof that they are having an affair. For all you know he probably feels like a father or a big brother towards her. If his wife does not have a problem with their relationship, then it should not concern anyone else.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2014): I'd sit this one out on the sidelines. Just observe as you are doing, but make no comment on the situation.
This cousin may be religious, but not religious enough to take someone's hard earned frequent flier miles for her enjoyment, even if it was a gift. I'd get rankled too. Clearly he favors her. I'd be uncomfortable as well. I don't know how his wife would feel about it. If she doesn't see it, she chooses to be blind about it or turn the other cheek.
I wouldn't be surprised if this cousin isn't in their will if he thinks that much of her.
I'd feel for his wife too, but it's a situation to stay out of since we don't know all that transpired. His wife may be fine with it. Personally, I wouldn't be but we don't know the whole story.
Go about your life. Remember Karma has a way of visiting and if something isn't on the up and up, it will eventually show itself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2014): I would be very concerned too and would have exactly the same thoughts at you do, but I would advise stay out of it and not comment to your brother or the cousin. Let him, his wife and the cousin work it out. But, I do hear you and what you are writing does make sense. At least in my family, I have never heard of a family member getting a plane ticket for a single female cousin. That is creepy, but that is just my reaction. Cousin crushes do happen and I think that is what is happening here, so I understand your uneasiness over it, but you are powerless to do anything about it. A young female can be a powerful pull for an older man and for his ego. She appears to have that power over him. Don't touch this one and stay away would be my best advice.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (8 September 2014):
My opinion would be to stay far, far, far OUT of this situation. It isn't your business, dont make it so.
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