A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i am new to the dating world, here goes.i have been dating a guy for the last 2 months.at first 3 dates he paid for everything a gentleman and now we share which im happy with.my question is i dont know if expecting too much from him, but how i see it i would prefer it like taking in turns to pay each date. so for example, i would pay for dinner one night and he could pay for pictures the next night. a few example is when my card got used for credit fraud he was sweet to ask am i okay for the week (as it took that long to get my new card) for money. i said i would be fine, in which we had dinner that night which he paid for. however within the same week we went for another meal which i admitted i was a bit skint for money to him and we went halves for.i must admit after the first 3 dates i took charge to decide what to do with the dates in terms of dinner and so forth which i probably shouldnt have cos i have found that he has gone a bit laid back and left me up to charge with this in terms of what to do. i have spoken to him about it recently and he said how he was going to take me out for a meal to spoil me, in my head i thought he would be paying. however like all the other dates i would pay the full amount on my card and he would get drinks after it but sometimes never to the full amount to his half amount that he should paid on the meal. i know a relationship is about give and take, and you can never work out the full cost of things but there is a blurry line here and where does it go from we are both equals to hes dependant on you. How can you tell that hes not after your money or expect you to pay for things?
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male
reader, True  +, writes (14 May 2010):
Although it does seem like it.. do you know if he's wealthy? if he's not he mabe in a rut aswell on cash or not notice he didnt bring enough on him to pay... Even still he should suck it up and bring enough money to atleast pay for himself,
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 May 2010):
 I think the person paying should choose where to go as well. Its not like he is "spoiling you" when you are paying your own ways. More like he is spoiling himself by taking himself to a nice restaurant of his choice.
I say he pays for what he eats and you do the same. That way you can still go out even if you are low on cash because you can always choose the cheapest thing on the menue and skip the drinks or just have one drink and then water the rest of the night. Or you could go to the movies, and only pay you own ticket, so that if he wasnt popcorn and soda and the works he can get it himself...
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A
male
reader, bruce lee  +, writes (14 May 2010):
 No, don't say anything. Eventually, his nature will come out. He might have been taught by his parents to be cheap. It depends on how you look at it, but what I'm saying is it would be quite insulting to him if you said something.
You either have to break up with him, or hope that he changes and stay with him. I think that makes sense.
Try to see the funny side to it. At least he's good at maths.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (14 May 2010):
 Tell him up front next time he asks you out and tell him to be a gentlemen and not a free loader. I think taking turns would work best rather than splitting the bill and the person paying chooses where to go.
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A
female
reader, laetitia  +, writes (14 May 2010):
 Well, taking turns in paying for things does not mean equal sharing because dinner is probably more expensive than pictures or drinks.
But yes, I feel your frustrating because I've also been through the same thing.
If you're both students, then sharing the bills equally more or less is okay. I'd just split every bill 50/50. It may sound a bit annoying, but at least you are splitting everything equally. You can propose that to him, I guess if you're comfortable with it. If you feel like he has more money than you do, do not propose that idea because he will except it immediately. If he is richer than you, you need to get him to pay for more things. That requires a different strategy.
To me he doesn't sound like he is after your money, but more like that he is cheap or just doesn't want to spend too much money on a gf. He will try to minimize the chance of him paying at every opportunity he has. Just be careful not to end up paying for more things than him.
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