A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Here's my story. My girlfriend and I have been dating for eight months and I am now convinced that I'm in love with her. So here's why I'm writing now...A few weeks into our relationship I found out that she gave me several STDS, some were easily taken care of with a few pills but the third is HPV. For those that don't know about HPV, it is a disease that doesn't really cause many problems for men, but it means I cannot (if I wanted to) have sex with any other women for two years (only a year and 4 months to go!!). She contracted these diseases two days before we started dating. When I told her about them (she was a-symptomatic), she told me she was raped. She exploded emotionally and I've spent the last eight months being the perfect boyfriend, I've done so much and given so much to her in order to make her feel better. She says she loves me all the time. Her family loves me, she tells me she thinks she's going to spend the rest of her life with me. We're only 3 hour drive apart now but we've entered into a long distance relationship now and now my mind is filling with doubts. I know that for the whole expanse of our relationship she has had crushes on several guys. She always just makes comments (followed with "I'm still a girl come on")and I can really tell that she is severely turned on by a lot of people other than myself. I'm not a jealous guy, but I'm filled with grief and fear and worries. I think that she has all these crushes on other guys, and the only reason she's not acting on them is because of what happened to her and the fact that we now share this horrible virus. Also, she's never even apologized to me for giving it to me, for not getting tested before sleeping with me after this supposed "rape" happened. I also worry that her version of rape is not the same as mine. She was in a hostel...she could have screamed for help, but she didn't. She could have gotten tested afterwards, but she didn't! Here's my questionWhat can I do about these crushes she has on other guys? She'd never act on them, but I think it's only because she can't. The fact that she has them makes me feel really worthless, unattractive and generally poor. I'm doubting whether it's really love or common disease that brings us together. I can't talk to her about it because I've brought up the issue of her and other guys so many times because I know that she has very wandering eyes. I can't just say baby I'm feeling insecure that you like other guys again. How can you love someone and get turned on by other people??? It is a mystery to me. I'm going crazy knowing that she's dishing with her friends about cute chefs and crap when I'm stuck here. Help me please.
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crush, insecure, jealous, long distance, std Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 September 2009):
First of all, when someone is being raped, you can't judge them at all on what they do and don't do. Please don't think she could have screamed, because she may have been in complete shock, and was probably in shock when she started dating you.
SEcondly, people do have crushes on others. It doesn't mean they'll act on them. She may have a crush on another guy, but she loves you. That's the difference. Trust her. Give her space when she needs it. Let her know that you're there for her. Let her know you love her. Do that and it'll help your fears and make your relationship stronger.
A
female
reader, liz2 +, writes (30 September 2009):
It's human to be attracted to people of the opposite sex. Most girls just don't tell their partners. The fact that she tells you says that she wants to have a very open honest relationship with you.
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A
male
reader, Xtreme  +, writes (30 September 2009):
 Your problem is really serious,but if u really luv her then u hav to do something. U put two conditions, she says she is raped but u think she's a liar & and she's having many crushes,now u hav mentioned one important that she says she loves u and her family also loves u then why don't u tell the truth to her family that she gave u so many STD's and she says she is raped.well for this u need to be very much calm with her family,might be they tell u truth abt her if they say she is having many crushes then its better that u tell her that u know everything abt her and if she really loves me then u hav leave them but if she is raped then she needs ur assistance and u marry her take some medical help to get rid of STD'S.
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