A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How can a guy , that is in a great relationship where both people absolutely love each other and have no big problems or fights and have plans for the future - just turn around in one week, break up the relationship after 2 years of dating and jump in bed with someone else, while he knows, that his ex is absolutely devastated. And she knows he loves her .. and non of his and hers friends understand... and she doesnt understand, what have happened to him, that he is capable of doing this ... any advice?
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male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (9 January 2009):
 You go girl. As I suggested, don't give up, but I agree that it may be very difficult for anyone under about age 30 or more to develop a truly serious, lasting relationship unless very lucky. I'm from an older generation, but I work with many young folks today and I know what's going on. It is not radically different than during my heydays - except "way" much more widespread.
Funny thing is that I used to be one of the fewer "wild ones" back in the day, and no doubt, I had a blast.. Most middle-America folks my age during the 60s and 70s were quite a bit more restrained, while I was actively practicing and "promoting" open sexuality. Heck, I was once even featured on local Texas television as a proponent of promiscuity for those who were more liberated. No more about that. But ultimately, we need young people with at least somewhat better scruples to ensure sensible leaders, and solid families, in the future.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDouble M
My bf was far away from HOT muscle guy. He was somehow a geek. He was great to me and always very nice .. but now I do see that he was immature and selfish at times and thats the true.
I definetely do not give up on love and I hope the right one is still somewhere over there waitting for me ...
Lets all hope for better tomorrows
XOXOXO
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2009): Double M that was a great answer, my boyfriend was somewhat a geek when we met, his mother bought all his clothes and he dressed like a nerd, today 6 years later mommies not buying his clothes anymore and he’s got gel in his hair, and to be honest, girls cant leave my man alone, so what you saying is definitely true, and everyone is going to be old and ugly and full of wrinkles anyway LOL
i rate your answer excellent both times :)
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (8 January 2009):
Glad I could help a bit. But don't give up on love and devotion. In my opinion, the guys who are the best looking, "hot," sexy and cocky are the ones who typically get the girls these days - maybe it's always been such. But put yourself in their shoes for a moment - If girls are swooning all over you, would you have as much respect and appreciation for them? Think about it.
Yet, all the girls want the "hot" guys, right? Is it possible that a woman who values different qualities might be more likely to find a guy who will be faithful? Maybe a good guy who is not the best looking, but okay, and not the most popular, but nice - maybe that's who to look for today. Best wishes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all
Well, we havent spoken in 4 months, and I think its better that way.
He is still with this girl even tho he dumped all his friends and me cause of her. His BF saiz, he is not happy and he doesn't love her, yet he is still with her.
I don't really care as much, and I wish him happiness if he didn't have it with me I just don't understand how people can be this selfish.
Thanks especially to DoubleM I really like your answer and it definetely helps seeing what are people these days like. You are right. In my mom's and dad's "days" it was totaly different. My mother still doesnt understand why am I not married with kids in the age of 28 and why don't i even have normal relationship. Unfortunately today its very difficult finding something real, something that will last forever ... I know its out there, but I feell ike in my age, its almost impossible finding it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2009): I know how you feel and the uncertainty about his feelings for you, and the questions that wont stop running through your head, ive been with my man for 6 years, about 2 years ago we had a terrible break up (which only lasted about 1 month) in that time he slept with a girl he worked with (twice) he came back to me a month later crying like a baby telling me this was the worst mistake he ever made, and he was truly sorry for hurting me even today he still apologizes for this, he told me he slept with her to force me from his mind and to make sure he can get over me, but it didn’t work he said while he was with her all he thought about was me, I took him back the very same night he told me coz I was just so desperate to have my man back, I explained things to me over and over as he didn’t want me to feel like I was his second choice, but even though he was sincere when he said sorry I still asked myself, how could he get over me in less than a month? Or for how long before the actual break up has he been getting it on with this girl? I even told myself at times that he came back to me coz she broke it off with him, its been more than 2 years since it happened and my man is still trying his best to secure me in his love, but I can still see her and feel what I felt like thinking the 2 of them are doing stuff even before he told me, I just picked up that she was the other woman, it still hurts real bad, I even get upset when I see a car like hers, thinking about him being in that car with her, I have forgiven him but the trust is hard to get back, and sometimes we have big fights about this, coz in a way I understand how he could’ve done that, I think commitment freaks some guys out and then they just run to the next open parking and pull in, even though they love us, I am not telling you to take him back, but my angel this will haunt you for the rest of your life, I only went for counseling recently as I jumped from my boyfriends car while he was driving a little while ago, and I have problems with trusting him after this even though I know he wont do that again, maybe you should consider going for counseling yourself, it can only help now and with your future relationships.
Good luck angel
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (7 January 2009):
It's called rebound sex.
He wants to know he's done the right thing in breaking up with you and that he is actually capable of getting another woman.
He's dump her as quickly as he got with her.
The fact that you found out about it a sad side-effect.
Use this upset and turn it to anger. It'll help you get over him.
PS. Please note that this is not a male thing, it's a common act by anyone who has done the splitting up, man or woman.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2009): I don't think men have any monopoly on this. Plenty of women do the same thing.
The women might usually call it something else ("I just felt a connection with the guy" or something) but the bottom line is the same.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (7 January 2009):
Umm. Well as a much older man who has obviously been through many relationships and three marriages, maybe I can offer something here. Maybe not, because I've become a bit hardened after a 20 year marriage fell apart some years ago, and no longer do I envision any kind of relationship that could endure my remaining years.
But I have a good deal of experience from earlier years, in my 20s and 30s, and I will suggest to you that young men can easily walk away from relationships that are not cemented by marriage and children. Even with such commitments, there are so many attractions and distractions that can spoil a supposedly promising relationship, especially these days. In my opinion, it is probably even more challenging to secure a faithful partnership today than during my crazy heydays of the 1960s and 70s. It seems funny to me now - that there were plenty of wild guys back then, but I think that many of the girls were still fairly cautious and reserved. Today, it seems that everyone is much more adventurous, and thereby more promiscuous.
I don't know if my perspective tells you anything, but I think that the scenario you described is becoming more and more common. While I have enjoyed dozens and dozens of relationships, including one fairly successful and faithful marriage, it is challenging to forge any kind of enduring relationship in this 21st century. Unfortunately, I think that a lasting marriage is almost becoming a dying institution, and the greatest victims will ultimately be the children.
The most important traits for you to seek in a mate are love, integrity and commitment. Anyone who does not wholly live up to those qualities should be rejected. I think that it will be a challenge to find such a man at your age.
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A
female
reader, huneygyrl +, writes (7 January 2009):
 Seems like he's selfish. If he knows you're devastated about the break up, he never did care about being in a relationship with you. He carries no feelings....he just doesn't care. I don't mean to be harsh about it but it's the truth.
I think he may have known this other female longer than you thought to where it made it more easier for him to slip into bed with her.
Don't stop doing what you're doing because of one bad relationship. That should be something you learn from.
Yes, it'll take time to move on but don't let him stop you from doing so.
Good luck!!
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A
male
reader, MichaelS2 +, writes (7 January 2009):
 Well he probably made an irrational decision!
He probably still loves you!He probably misses you and wants you back!But it really depends if you will take him back or not.
I mean there is a large chance he will come back to you,If you love him and want to work everything through than take him,but if you can't trust him anymore than you should probably end the relationship...
It would be best to talk to him though!If you sit and talk you can sort through all your feelings!
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