A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been through so much for almost two years, and we love eachother SO much. It started out when I was going through emotional hell, I am now I have come a long way. I'm now a much more happy, independant person. He has come a long way too. We love eachother so much and we talk about marriage and our future some day. So, everything should be happy now, right? Now I know I have self esteem problems, but I'm dealing with them. I know he cares about me just as much because he gets hurt about the same things I do. He truely loves me, he's proved it for a long time. But he is just being so lazy about things. About keeping a job, about calling me. I havn't talked to him now in three days and I havn't barely seen him in the last two weeks- even though I've talked to him even crying about the issue. We used to be together 24/7. I'm really scared that every time we are together we are going to fight, because I don't see him enough to vent in a healthy way. It isn't just him, I do complain alot and cause alot of stress- but I feel things very strongly and I need to feel like he loves me, not just know it. It almost has several times but neither one of us could bare it. Still- how can we stop this fighting and love eachother in peace and happiness like the other couples around us?
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female
reader, jabey  +, writes (4 February 2007):
Firstly you really must keep working on yourself. You sound like you are doing that thats great. I know its a cliche, but its true. You must love yourself before anyone can love you. Sometimes its hard to be with someone if you have to continually reassure them of your love, that can be quite draining on any relationship. If you think about all the great things you have to offer, concentrate on all your postive attributes. All your qualities, and I know you will have many of those. Remember you are worthy of being loved as is everyone. If you want your relationship to be Normal, then try really hard to relax. Trust that your boyfriend loves you, try to be independant do things you enjoy, like seing friends etc, to continue building your self esteem. The thing is when he feels you are less dependant on him and are happy with yourself, he will feel drawn to you more anyway and probably start showing you more love.
I imagine at the moment he feels alittle pressure, so give him some space and when you next see him, be relaxed ,calm and happy. Bring enjoyment and happiness into your relationship, he then can relax and enjoy being with you, and together you can move forward. But you must remain independant and confident, keep working on this. And good luck.
A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (4 February 2007):
 I think your bf is giving you some space, you sound extremely insecure and very needy and that sometimes pushes the one closest to you further away.
You centre your whole world around him and that is an awful lot of pressure for anyone to take let alone someone who is still quiet young.
You are both young and you have your whole lives ahead of you so why rush everything. If your relationship is as strong as you say it is then nothing will change that but I do think that your need for him to show you how much he loves you could put such an enormous strain on the relationship that it could end up killing his feelings for you and that would be such a shame.
You have to have a life that does not always include your bf and I don't mean that literally but what I mean is that when any of us is in a relationship we tend to end up wearing invisible blinkers so that no one else matters apart from our partner.
What you need to do is to still have a life which includes your friends and family as well. Partners can come and go but close friends and family are always there for us when we need them.
Don't neglect say your female friends and still enjoy doing things with them too. Keep yourself active like swimming or going out with your friends and your bf will see that you are not so reliant on him and then when you do spend time together it will be more fun because you can talk about all the other stuff you are doing so you get to talk about a lot more and you become more self confident in yourself.
Hope some of this helps you.
Take care and bfn.
Country Woman
x
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