A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I lost my virginity a little over a year ago to my boyfriend, and since then we've had sex at least 100 times. I love and enjoy being intimate with him in that way, however...I've never been able to achieve orgasm. I never worried too much about it, as I didn't want to obsess over it instead of enjoying the act itself. However, we were at it the other day and I could tell that he wasn't really into it... I asked what was wrong and he said he wasn't into it because there was no point since I never orgasm anyways, and he's tired of being the only one who cums. He said if that's what he wanted he could just masturbate and that it makes him feel inadequate that he can't satisfy me in that way.I tried to explain to him that I really didn't care, that I still immensely enjoy having sex with him regardless (and he knows, because he always teases me about my utterances), that I get my satisfaction from seeing him having such a good time. If anything I've tried to channel this inability into being an open and unselfish lover, willing to try almost anything at least once. But he said his pleasure also comes from seeing me satisfied but that never happens :/Even though he's my first, he's had at least 15 other partners (possibly more) and I get the feeling that he's never had such trouble before. I started crying because I'm very pessimistic about the chances of me reaching orgasm anytime soon. He felt bad and said he didn't feel that way all the time but its starting to get to him. I know all about how 70% of women can't reach orgasm through penetration alone, and I wish I fell under that category because at least then I could hope for release through clitoral stimulation. Unfortunately, even that doesn't do anything for me. I dont enjoy receiving oral sex for this reason; I've tried using toys including a bullet, still nothing. The only way I've ever orgasmed (if that's what it was) was by clenching my legs thereby putting pressure on my vaginal muscles- I did this a lot as a teenager and I still do, except it's no longer as intense.I really dunno what to do, he thinks I should start masturbating to know what works for me but I just can't get myself off, no matter how turned on I am before attempting I find myself drying up and it really does nothing for me. We've had sex since then but the thought that he's just doing it to fulfill all righteousness crosses my mind every now and then :/Any advice? I'm 22 and he's 24 (in case it matters).
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2014): Hi, original poster here.Thank you SO much for all your responses.I'm not, nor have I been on any medication besides birth control pills, but I stopped taking them last October after 9 months of use. Only side effect I noticed was that it messed up my lubrication- getting wet was a task and we had to rely on lubricants a lot. But the desire was still there. I only just started getting back my "pre-pill" wetness levels this year.So_Very_Confused, thanks a lot for the tips. I dry up really quickly while attempting to masturbate because I can't maintain my arousal, due to the fact that it does nothing for me. I'm convinced that I have a "dead" clitoris because there's little to know sensitivity upon touch... I've tried rubbing, touching, flicking, applying pressure at different points around the area, but still nothing. I've also tried using the shower head but even at the highest pressure I only feel a faint tickle :/I'll look into getting the rocket. i currently use a water based lubricant (cuz i heard its safer for toys) but I'll look into the silicon ones too. I guess I just have to keep my faith up and hope for the best. I'm just so jealous for the women who dont even have to try! LolThanks again to everyone who responded.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 February 2014):
"I find myself drying up"
OP then you're doing it wrong.... but I'll get to that....
Sadly Dragon Man is incorrect. It's VERY common and NORMAL.
I am nearly 54 years old. I have had more partners than I care to count. Both Male and female. In my entire life I have had ONE orgasm from penetration. In the rest of my life I have had ONE partner that was able to bring me to orgasm through oral stimulation only and even that was not consistent. BUT before I met this man I was regularly bringing myself to orgasm through clitoral stimulation.
Daisy_Daisy makes a valid point, if you are on any medications that could inhibit your orgasms too.
My husband feels much like your boyfriend, he is very sad that HE can’t bring me to orgasm alone but we have worked out a way for him to participate with me so he can SHARE my orgasms. I make it a point to let him know how much better they are when he participates and that seems to help him. We also spend a lot of time cuddling and I love that and let him know that I need that more than intercourse.
Now back to "I find myself drying up" IF you found an ability to orgasm from clenching your legs then PENETRATION is not needed at all for your orgasms and “drying up” should not be an issue.
My suggestions:
A hand held water massage on pulse aimed at your clitoris… try different distances, different water temps, different massage levels.. play with it till you find one that works… try different shower heads even. You won’t need lube in the shower.
Secondly try and find a “pocket rocket” it’s a small (a bit bigger than a lipstick) vibrator that takes a single double A battery and has a very fast buzz.. place it on your clitoris and note what feels good. Some of them come with interchangeable heads. I found a lovely one for about 35 dollars.
Thirdly.. get some good lube… use a silicone based lube (water based will dry up faster) I like the KY silky… and use lube ON your clitoris and just rub it or squeeze it or touch it.. find what feels good…. Don’t go for the orgasm at first.. just figure out how to touch yourself and enjoy it… once you know what feels good, then you can teach your guy to make it feel good.
I get exactly what you are saying… being with him and pleasuring him and seeing him enjoy your intimate time together is satisfying enough for you. HE can’t accept that. HE thinks he’s not a man if he can’t make you cum… it’s a guy thing. When I was a swinger I used to joke that if I orgasmed the guys wanted a button that said “I made the bitch cum” they all agreed.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (19 February 2014):
 It is not odd that you can't achieve orgasm through penetration (as you know) but I do think it's odd that you can't manage on your own, with toys etc. Are you on any medications that might be affecting you? For example, many antidepressants (esp SSRI's) can cause this problem.
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A
male
reader, DragonMan +, writes (19 February 2014):
 Greetings,
I can't speak much as a guy but to be honest I would say speak to your doctor about this, such situations can't be common
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