A
female
age
41-50,
*inxy1979
writes:My first love has admitted after 9 years apart, that he still loves me and life hasnt been the same without me, i was the only good thing in his life, he said that im the love of his life, but hes stuck where he is because he doesnt want to lose his little one, i cant get him out of my head, i cant eat or sleep, i dont want him to lose his little one but i feel the same, wot do i do? Am i making a fool of myself??? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (16 September 2010):
 Don't be so hard on yourself. Love makes people do silly things sometimes. At least you realized something was afoul before more people were hurt.
A
female
reader, minxy1979 +, writes (16 September 2010):
minxy1979 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioncaring guy your right,i couldnt live with my self knowing ive split up a family,he had his chance he had 7 years to find me before he got her pregnant,i live and work in the same place for 12 years,i think he just wants to hurt me more,ive never been able to moved on,im the fool and a idoit
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2010): Hi there,
I can totally emperthise with you.
I am in a similar posn. I will try not to judge you like some of the others here seem to. I posted on here in the past only to be villified for starting a realtionship with a married woman, even though I could never do this.
My 1st love (who was my soul mate) recently contacted me outta the blue. Problem is she is married but I am not.
I can understand where you are coming from/going through...this has been a very emotional summer for me too. I have suddenly realised that even after all this time apart, after this meet up, the feelings that we have for each other are still there. I get the feeling that she feels the same way too as she calls me when she can and we chat....not about what we were like..but what are are now
I dont think that anyone on here can truely understand what you/I are going through until they experience these very powerful emotions themselves. I for one was not prepared and to be honest if knocked me for six.
I am sure that yr ex is going through similar emotions as you. I doubt if he's doing this out of cruelty to his partner or anything like that. Human emotions can be very powerful at times, even to people who are normally sensible/stable. They are not something that one can control, no matter how hard one tries.
I think that the best thing that you could do is take yr time. As one of the other posts on here says...you are diff people now. In my experience with my ex, we are different in some ways, but fundementally we are still very similar to the people we were back then (but older,wiser,greyer etc
)...amazing how little my 1st love and I have actually changes over time.
Have you guys actually met up yet? I did with my ex and the chemistry/spark was still very evident on both sides. If you havent I think that thats the 1st step before you can make any descision as to what to do. If there is still chemistry/spark and you both want to be together, then I'm sure that things will work out but pls take your time and dont do anything rash
Whatever happens, someone will get hurt in all of this, so you have to be prepared for whatever route that you guys decide.
Good Luck
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 September 2010):
He's been very cruel to this other women, and given the chance he will be as cruel to you. Don't trust him at all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2010): Go to him. If you love him, go to him. What do you have to loose? True love is hard to find and you don't want to go the rest of your life wondering "what if"? Go and see if it will work.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (15 September 2010):
After reading CaringGuy's response, I'm inclined to agree. Your follow up confirms his thoughts. He's been stringing his GF along for far to long. That's not a good thing.
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A
female
reader, minxy1979 +, writes (15 September 2010):
minxy1979 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhes not married,he calls and txts,emails me and has done for ages,hes one end of the country and im the other end,im a mess
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (15 September 2010):
He's stuck where he is. Does this mean he's married? If so, then you have to tell him that he needs to decide what he wants to do before you're willing to do anything with him.
Normally I'd say go for it. My concern is that after so much time apart, you're different people now. That doesn't mean that it couldn't work, but if you've each been idolizing the people you once were, the reality of who you've become may actually change how you feel for eachother. Sometimes things are better in theory then practice. Being apart can cause you to put the other person on a pedistal and you aren't actually in love with the real person any more, but the idea you've created of what they are.
Maybe get to know eachother first before doing anything. If he's married, you'll not want to ruin that. Starting a new relationship by him cheating will just bring more trouble.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 September 2010):
ALWAYS be suspicious of a man when he acts this way. Because if he is willing to be with a woman and have a child for 9 years, whilst claiming another woman is the love of his life, he's quite callous. He basically wasted this other woman's whole life, and has needlessly brought a child into this room knowing that he loved you - or claims to.
If he was willing to use one woman this badly, he will use another badly. Don't trust him, and move on. Or you'll have hell to pay when his daughter realizes what has happened, or when he decides he wants to be with his current girlfriend after all.
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