A
female
age
36-40,
*iccy-mia
writes:I have been with this guy for 3yrs and i thought everything was going well. He was involved in a horrible motorcycle accident were he became dependent on me for 4months. i had just met this man one week before, i decided to help him and quickly fell in love with him. After he got on his feet he started to show his true colors. I moved into his mothers house and after 8months i moved out b/c the lies where becoming to much, him and i stayed together to work out our issues. We have recently moved in together it's been about 7months and up until 3months ago i was the happiest woman alive. I found out he was talking to a 20yr striper who lives in our complex, i decided to forgive him now keep in mind i had a few minor problems with 3other woman but nothing like this one. This 20yr old striper had no idea he lived in her complex with his girlfriend (me) so when i spoke to this girl she told me everything i already knew plus some... he took her out one night and came home at 6am. i forgive him and one week went by and just yesterday i found out there is another girl but this one he has already had sex with and i know this b/c of what the text messages said. I confronted him last night and he denies any communication with this mysterious girl. What i need help in is figuring out why he does this to me and tries so hard to prove he is not a bad person.He tells me he loves me and wants to marry me that he has no intentions of hurting me and i am the woman for him. I do not doubt he loves me but right now he is living his life while having me at home cooking and cleaning and caring for him. How can a man be so cruel and still have the heart and face to tell the person he "LOVES" he has done nothing wrong. I believe he needs help just like tiger woods and i just don't seem to have the strength to let him go and move out back to my mothers house for the time being.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 September 2011):
 One more thought, has he actually said out loud that he thinks he is a sex addict and needs help? Because if he has not admitted that he needs help and has committed himself to obtaining that for him, you can do all the analysis and wishful thinking and comparisons to Tiger Woods and other amazing liars but it means nothing will change. He won't change unless he perceives a need to do so. Your upset and tears aren't enough for him to change; your actions belie your words, because you stick around for more of his ridiculous treatment of you. He knows he can count on you to stick by him no matter how many girls he sleeps with.
Your energy is drained because you are expending it in wishful thinking. Take off the hope-glasses for a while and look at him through clear, no-nonsense-taken eyes. You won't like the picture at all.
You can pour your heart and soul into a relationship, but if the vessel receiving all that love and care is cracked and broken, you may as well just pour it out onto the ground.
Take better care of yourself, please.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 September 2011):
"How can a man be so cruel and still have the heart and face to tell the person he "LOVES" he has done nothing wrong." Because he's afraid he's going to lose the domestic help. Where else could he live in an apartment complex next to strippers and get his laundry done and his meals cooked as well? He NEEDS you because the next woman won't be so easily fooled. You've forgiven him in the past so he has every reason to believe you will continue to do so. He just needs to continue lying to your face and you will stick around.
You've found yourself a manipulative liar, I'm afraid. Sorry.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (20 September 2011):
 Sadly, despite everything you've done to help him and your feelings towards him, this man is not good news. Despite your willingness to correct him -- by getting help for him, is not going to work (remember Tiger Woods wife left him and this guy is definitely NOT Tiger). You've already invested significant time and emotions on him and he lies to you about sleeping with another woman, flirts with other women, and exposes you to risks of STDs and you still want him?
Relationships shouldn't be this hard, unless they weren't meant to be and from what I've read in your question, this is one you should be running, far far away from.
Usually during the dating process, a man should be showing his best face to you. Clearly this man has been anything but. You've already done everything for him and he responds by mistreating you in the worst ways? Despite your feelings for him, you really have to ask yourself why? Is any man truly worth this? Do YOU really deserve this?
I truly hope you take stock of your relationship and ask yourself if you really want to invest more time into this man who repays you with lies and deceit for everything you've done for him. From the sounds of it, you deserve a lot more and any good guy would love to have a woman of your dedication at his side.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Blonde_J  +, writes (20 September 2011):
You already know the answer to this - you've got to find the strength to get out. Everyone has a different definition of the word love. Unfortunatly for alot of people it just means 'you make me feel good about myself' and thats all. Of course he doesn't want to lose you - you look after him and support him no matter what. But when your not there making him feel good about himself - then your nothing. Thats why he lies and cheats. Because he only sees you for what you do for him. It sucks and it hurts and you deserve so much better. But he's not going to give that to you. You've got to demand and get it from yourself. So go back to your mothers - take care of yourself and eventually you will get over him and find someone who loves you for who you are - not for what you do for them.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 September 2011):
 I think this is the critical sentence in your submittal"
"How can a man be so cruel and still have the heart and face to tell the person he "LOVES" he has done nothing wrong".... The short answer is that he is MISSING a heart!!! THAT is why you can write the rest of the sentence.
What you need to be doing is putting distance between you and this lying dog....
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2011): Whatever is going on with him, you need to get away, and quickly, from this guy.
"He tells me he loves me and wants to marry me that he has no intentions of hurting me and i am the woman for him."
But, he is hurting you, repeatedly, and you probably only know the tip of the iceberg.
Get help and get out.
He may end up cleaning up his act, but right now, you are and will always be damage he has done. You are not the person to pull him out of what he is doing, he will just keep doing it to you.
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