A
female
age
36-40,
*reamflower
writes:I spent a good majority of this last summer dating a young man I used to go to highschool with. He was a musician, part of a band, and lived in a large house with his band-mates. After dating for maybe a week I moved in. 3 months later, he ended up breaking up with me one night out of blue, which I found ironic since he was the one that intiated the relationship. He claimed he found me irritating and argumentative, and our relationship was a bit rocky. It's been months since then, but he frequents my house, gets jealous if I pay more attention to his band-mates instead of him. He even cuddles with me and flirts openly. What I don't understand is how he also openly comments on everything he doesn't like about me. How can he treat me in such an affectionate way, so different than other girls, and then turn around and claim he is not attracted to me at all? I honestly don't know what I want, and I am single (as is he), but I wish I knew what his intentions were. Should I wait around for him get it together? Should I say something? Or should I just keep playing the cute friend he can't have?
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flirt, jealous, moved in, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, dreamflower +, writes (20 December 2007):
dreamflower is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you so much you guys. I figured the relationship wasn't going anywhere, it's just so frustrating to be given the run-around. Anyways I appreciate your honesty very much, and thank you again for confirming my theory.Merry Christmas!
A
male
reader, leonard j, Douglas  +, writes (19 December 2007):
Your Ex doesn't seem to have it all together between his ears when it comes to you or any woman in his life. So my advice to you is to move on with your life,and find someone who knows how to love and care for a woman. Have a wonderful Christmas, and get rid of him for a better New Year.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007): Sigh. Sounds like the guys in my old band. Musicians are the biggest bunch of self centered, selfish people on the planet. We need people's full, unadulterated attention. I've seen your situtation a hundred times.
Believe me, you're better off without him. He's just using you for the fan base and attention.
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A
female
reader, leanne.od  +, writes (19 December 2007):
 it sounds like he doesn't want you but doesn't want anyone else to have you. one week is very fast, to fast, to move in with anybody because you don't know each other well enough to know your limits or the other person's annoying habits/pet peeves/irrating ways. when you have been together for say, a year, you know the ins and outs of everything the other does, you know how to deal with the annoying things and it isn't a problem. you simply rushed things and so he was stuck with the things that annoyed him too soon, you didn't have the fun of the honeymoon period. is it a necessity for you two to have to be friends with the same people, he probably is worried you'll get together with his mates but only the same way as you'd be annoyed if he got with one of yours.
i think you're better off without him, and at least he was honest with you, committment is a big step and clearly he is not ready to live with you or anybody. maybe give it some space and see what hapens but a reconciliation might not be the best thing. sometimes friends is a better solution.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007): He has no interest in a relationship with you, he is just trying to make sure that if he feels like getting affection from you that you are available. Believe me, when you are close to the situation it is easy to think that the person has feelings for you, but if he did he would not treat you badly (calling you irratating). For some guys it is a game that they are playing.
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