A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend coming up three years, but we split up three weeks ago. A few days ago he said it's not when he will miss me because he missed me already. He wouldn't outreach tell me the relationship was over but despite asking him to see me and to talk since he left he ignores any request to.Yesterday I dropped off a few bits outside his parents house and told him. He messaged me since then and simply said he had left his passport back for work purposes. He acts like he couldn't care less. I'm pleased that I know where I stand as it's closur. But to be with someone for three years and to be really upset that the relationship has come to an end I can't believe how cold he has acted at the end, it's like he has automatically become a stranger
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2020): Read this:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-does-the-dumper-feel-after-dumping-you.html
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2020): Thanks Kenny
He isn't who I thought he was or maybe I just ignored his red flags, I'm going to move on, not in the sense of a relationship, I doubt I will trust anyone again but he won't break me. Thank you all
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (7 May 2020):
 I know it hard, but that's obviously how he deals with things. Like you say at least you got closure and you can now move on with the rest of your life.
Relationship break ups are never easy, not for anyone. Don't be in a mad rush to get straight back out there and start dating again straight away. Give yourself some you time, work on your self, meet up with friends and just enjoy yourself.
Sooner or later you will have forgotten all about this guy, and further down the line meet someone who gives you the love and attention that you so rightly deserve.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2020): People cannot recover from a break up unless you break all contact. It might well be that he is finding this harder than you think, because it affects him if he has contact with you. It's emotionally easier for him to cut contact.
I have always thought that this is the most horrible part about break ups, that someone you were once incredibly close to, becomes a stranger overnight. But that's life, it's how it's got to be for you both to recover. Good luck
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (7 May 2020):
 Everyone deals with situations in their own way. Some people shut down, some people get really emotional, some people go out and start dating right away, others close themselves off, some people eat..I could go on and on.
How he is acting is his way of dealing with things. When I got divorced, I was really hurting. I needed time to sort through things and heal. My ex went right out, dated, got a girl pregnant and was remarried 6 weeks after the divorce. I couldn't believe it. He just acted like the time we had together meant nothing and he just moved right on yet he would come see me and our daughter and tell me he had made a mistake by moving on. Well duh...
You need to find the way best for you to move on and try not to think about what he's doing. It won't do you any good to stew over him.
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A
male
reader, Justryingtohelp +, writes (7 May 2020):
You are still at the start of this breakup but he probably came to the decision a while back and the physical separation was just the end piece of the manoeuvre. He won't have woken up one morning and out of the blue decided the relationship was over. It's been coming for a while for him so he has processed it. There's probably also a bit of guilt in there because you are upset. He's being cold to protect himself more than to hurt you. Get all his stuff back to him, cut contact and move on. Trying to figure him out is just prolonging your hurt. Accept it didn't work out between you and start to build your future without him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 May 2020):
 Maybe that is how HE deals with a break up?
While YOU might have preferred that he showed some sadness, loss or regret, he isn't you. Maybe it was to "save face".
He might also have "checked out emotionally" a while before the actual break up, you just can't tell.
Now that it's over, maybe you need to work through the break up for yourself and let him do whatever he needs to do.
Time to work on moving on and letting go.
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