A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a question that is bugging me....why do people say stuff like "I will never love anyone as much as my ex" when they're with someone new? Surely you either love someone or you don't - simple. I can honestly say that I know I loved my ex boyfriend with all my heart, but I also love my new boyfriend (of a year) with all my heart, but I couldn't measure it and say which one I loved more. I loved different things about each of them but can't say whether that is more.Am I abnormal? How is love quantifiable??
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female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (7 October 2010):
 I agree with you anonymous, to a certain point. You can tell yourself that one person in your past, was "the love of your life", or the ideal person for you. If you hold on to this memory, every girl after that would have a lot to live up to. It is my feeling though, that the ideal ex partner, is really just a figment of your imagination. If they were right for you, in more ways than anyone else, they would have stayed with you, no matter what. They didn't. Therefore, they could not have been "the one". They were the one for you at that time, but now they are no longer with you and they are also now going to be an entirly different person. As time has passed they will have changed. That "ideal" person only exists in your mind. Think about it.If you hold onto that faded memory of the one that got away, that love of your life, you will only prevent yourself from finding true love in the present. You have to let you and live for the moment, not what has been. Of course you will still have loved that person a great deal and that will always have been. But thinking your love of your life has been and gone, you are stopping yourself from having an experience of a love that could be even greater. Of course we all love every parter differently, as you love a child or family member differently. Every relationship is unique. But what I mean is, don't stop yourself from finding true love because another love didn't work out. There are a lot of amazing people out there. Life is never over. Keep striving for greater experiences. If you find a wonderful person now, you can make that even better than that past love, because now you have the experience to help you make the next one the greatest love you've ever had :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2010): Hi,
This is just my opinion.
I think this is what you mean....
When you have a number of relationships, you may love your partners different amounts. I have loved some more than others.
There was one that I loved more than then others. I am over her as it was a v v long time ago, but if I could change our circumstances I would have married her.
Some people "settle" for a partner as they get older. they dont always marry "the one" that was so totally right for them.
Hope this makes sense
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (7 October 2010):
I hear what you are saying. I don't think you can measure one love against another. Different people mean different things to you at different times of your life. If you love someone, you love them. You can have loved your ex but you may feel you love your partner now more, because they mean more to you NOW. If someone is not over their ex, or hasn't met anyone who they truly love in the present, they may think they will never love anyone as much. But of course it is possible to love more than one person, equally, but in different ways. you can love them with all your heart, at different times of your life, perhaps, but for the unique person they are.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2010): Hey I'm the original poster. I need to clarify something - it hasn't been said to me, but I have heard people say this before "well I love my current boyfriend but I don't think i've ever loved anyone as much as my ex" or vice versa and I was wondering how it is ever possible to measure how much you love someone against how much you used to love someone. In my mind you either love a person or you don't. Didn't know there were measuring jugs to tip your feelings into!!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 October 2010):
When someone says "I'll never love anyone as much as my ex", then they're to be totally avoided at all costs. Basically, they're using the new person. That's cruel. A person who loves you that much will never say that, because they won't feel it.
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A
male
reader, TimmD  +, writes (7 October 2010):
 If somebody tells you that he will never love anybody as much as their ex then they are not over their ex. And because of that, they shouldn't be in another serious relationship until they get over them. He is openly telling you he is not willing to commit all of his heart to you.
Regardless of what excuses they may give you, nobody who truly loves you will ever say that to you.
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