A
female
age
30-35,
*irsty90
writes:Ok me and my bf were the cutest couple. But one time a got a message from his ex saying I am away on holiday would she like to meet up etc. I was furious. I ended up forgiving him after his begging. We went back to normal. My ex was trying to break us up and did everything he could. He then phoned saying his friends had died. So I was being caring and went to visit him without my boyfriend knowing. Well he found out I didn't admit to it. Months later we had a massive arguement and I ended it. He walked away. Well I begged and sobbed for forgiveness eventually admitted I seen my ex. I stopped talking to him for two weeks I thought to use psychology, it worked. I got him back. But he started losing interest again cause I was trying to get things back to normal I wanted to move back in and see each other a lot like we used to. Which I think scared him and he ended it. We have been keeping in touch. He seen me yesterday morning i was crying about how i wanted to be with him. He asked to see my nephews so I told him to come along yesterday night. Once he left he said sorry. I told him I was fine. He asked if there is someone else. I said I have been asked on a date. He told me he wanted to make things work but he doesn't think they will because he is finding it hard to forgive. So last night in bed I couldn't sleep. I text him about 3am. He asked me to stay the night. I went down and said I am not your booty call. I asked if he wants me to wait and see what happens with me and him but we can't see others. He agreed. Well I slept with him, we cuddle in and went to sleep. We went shopping today for to get me an outfit for a family party. I tried to kiss and cuddle him a few times but he wasn't for it. He drove back to his still no interest. So I asked to go home he gave me a kiss goodbye. And the texts are very blunt and he doesn't want to talk about us much. How can I win him back? This guy used to do anything for me. Now he seems a whole new person. How can I get him properly want me and show his interest?
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booty call, his ex, my ex, on holiday, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe +, writes (20 December 2012):
 In that case Kirsty, I stand by the end of my last remarks, everything about this situation is screaming this is bad for you. That you are like the proverbial moth to a flame here and that maybe you dont think you deserve better, you probably dont given your desperation to win him back despite his behaviour, but you actually do deserve alot better. Your right. Hes the one using you as a puppet, be strong, walk away, in the long run you will feel better and be a better person for it :)
A
female
reader, Kirsty90 +, writes (20 December 2012):
Kirsty90 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThey were from him, her replies were no you have a girlfriend and I like the guy I am with. She sent them all to me. I was so angry. Maybe I never let go of it. But I didn't use him and pick him up and down like a puppet. I gave him a chance to prove himself, which I can honestly say he did. And I want the same. But he shouts and puts me down and when I cry he does nothing. It's horrible. I know it's best to walk away. But I'm so emotionally attached I can't help myself but dance to his tune. He keeps saying he wants the same as me but he won't show it. I tell him I want him and want to be happy, I'd wish you'd feel the same. His reply I do. That's it. Then I ask to spend time. It's i will see. Just hurts and gotten myself in an emotional state with it all. Just want to know how to maybe get him back and maybe sweeting him a little to where he won't put me down and actually make me feel like he means what he says.
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A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe +, writes (20 December 2012):
Ok, well that sheds a slightly different light on things, he sent them or she sent them to him? If they were from him to her I dont blame you for blowing up, you had every right too, sorry for my earlier comments. Still, now I think this is potentially quite a self-destructive relationship for you and wonder whether, really and truly, its what you should be looking for?
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A
female
reader, Kirsty90 +, writes (20 December 2012):
Kirsty90 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry the texts were to meet up for sex. And saying I was away there is space in his bed. Lets meet in asda car park.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (20 December 2012):
 Hi, he is hurt and scared to trust you. You need to tell him one last time that you love him and want things back you accept you will have to earn his trust. You also believe this relationship is worth fighting. If he agrees great, if he says no - you know where you stand and let him go. He might also say he needs time, I suggest this will be a good break for both of yourll as it takes time to heal and also this time apart will make yourll realise if the relationship is worth fighting. You cannot continue to beg and plead, not only is it getting you nowhere also you are pushing him further away. Give him the space.
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A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe +, writes (20 December 2012):
He told you what the problem was. He hasnt forgiven you for dumping him. I cant help feeling there is alot missing from this. You had a go at him for a pretty innocuous text message asking if hed like to meet up then went and saw your ex behind his back, that is a tad hypocritical to be honest. I have no doubt your motives for doing this were pure, however, the double-standard is clear.
You then lied about this and rather added insult to injury by dumping him. Something tells me he might not trust you and given the above I dont blame him to be honest. The psychology you used suggests a manipulative streak. Some people may well see his 'losing interest' as less that and more standing up to you. I dont think this is a bad thing for you or him.
I am sure your distress at losing this guy is genuine and that inclines me to wish you some luck, however, you have alot of work to do here and it is mainly on yourself, not him. You feel the desire to control him to manipulate him, because you are a deeply insecure person with trust issues of your own and it is them you need to get to the bottom of those and then you can work on winning back his trust, something that seems to be possible given his willingness to let you back into a certain degree. However, this is going to take time, alot of it, and maybe even some kind of therapy, its not going to be easy but the potential reward is worth it I would say. Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2012): you have not explained this clearly enough. if you have slept with people it can change almost everything and it does not go back to normal happy times ever again. thats all there is to it.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (20 December 2012):
 He got a message from his ex and you was furious. Did he meet up with is ex? Is that why you was furious? or just furious because she had contacted him? It could change the whole scope of your question.
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