A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I am asking advice on behalf of my other half. He pays maintenance for his kids each month. He also buys things on top such as things for school. He doesn't mind doin this. However he has recently paid for his 16 year old party in which after he paid for it, the mother said he couldn't go and that she only needed the money for a night out. She also wanted her partner to go so didn't want my fella to go. She never told him where the party was as he wanted to turn up. He feels ripped off and wants his money back so he can do something with his child. Does he reduce his maintenance for a few months to get the money back and give the mother food vouchers or just leave it and learn from his mistake?He is such a good dad and has them every weekend. She is just so manipulative. However just recently she has become more civil. Please help! Thanks x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2012): To candid cally
He did - 16 year old didn't know where the party was as it was a surprise then when he wanted to take her out, her Aunty had booked a weekend away for her.
A
female
reader, Candid Cally  +, writes (20 December 2012):
Why didn't he simply talk to his 16 year old daughter and find out if she wanted him to go?
He can always do other things with his daughter. Why not ask her what she wants to do and go do it?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2012): If he can afford to, he should let it go and plan a celebration of his own for when he next has the children. As his child is of an age to understand. He can always let his 16 year old know that he paid for it all, wasnt invited but hes okay about it. At least then his son/daughter will know he hadnt forgotten them on the day or not wanted to attend.
If his ex partner is becoming more civil its best not to rock the boat at this point. Some ex`s are horrendous to deal with when they want to be, because they have you over a barrel when it comes to the children! So its really not worth causing a rift if you can avoid it. You`ve got to pick your battles with her. Only start disagreeing with her if she starts taking the mickey with any more unacceptable tricks.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2012): Unfortunately this is a situation where he will just have to live and learn from it. My brother goes through similar things with his ex, and does not get to see his son much, as she puts her current boyfriend above what is best for her child. Reducing the maintenance could lead to more trouble, no matter what happens the child support is not something that you can decide to reduce. The fact is child maintenance is a responsibility that is there to provide for the upbringing of the child and nothing to do with whatever he decides to do beyond that. He is legally responsibile to pay that amount irregardless. It is unfair and I do understand how you feel, I see how hurt my brother gets when dealing with the manipulation from the ex, unfortunately it is far too often the case. As the law stands in Australia where I am, the child support has to be paid in money irregardless and not in food vouchers. He just has to learn from this and in future do not pay for any party where his ex is in control and simply celebrate with his child in his own way at a separate time. It is cruel what she did to him, and I feel for him I really do, but to take it out of the maintenance is not punishing the ex, it is punishing his child for having a manipulative and selfish mother, which is not their fault at all, but rather the fault of the 2 people who gave them life. Good Luck I hope this helps
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