A
female
age
41-50,
*adybug 1
writes:how can I undo, the hurt full words I said to my boyfriend, during a argument, It all started, when we went to cath a bus, to cash his check, and i woke him up from his little nap he was taking, and he got angrey about it. So while we were standing, waiting for the bus, he started to mean words, to me. and that while dont i go back home. I was so hurt i walked back home. earlyer that day he had been drinking, so a couple of hours went by, and he should have be home, he calls me to see if i wanted to come up there were he was at a bar and grill, and have dinner with him. I was still so hurt, that i said no. and then, a hour and half went by and i called him, to see if he was on his way. and he said he was going to walk home. it would be faster. and two hours later i called him, and he wouldnt answer the phone. so i left a message that he must have up to no good. and short after he called back. said he was almost here. so when he walked in i tryed my very best to ecnor him, as much a posible. he kept trying to push my bottons. I love him very much, but sometime when is drinking, or not. he can get angry and say very hurt full words to me that cut way deep down. so i had enough and i started saying he was horring around, that he wasnt a man, and he was a womanizer, and a user. It was really bad, and he said more mean things to defend him self, about me. they were words that cut to the core. for both of us. I feel sick to my stomach over it, because i didnt me them at all there were words out of anger. so the next mornng i said to him that i was very sorry, and i didnt mean any thing i said to him. and what came out of his mouth, was well I did. and we didnt speck to each other and he left for work. I am afaid that i really hurt him this time. and i could really use advice, on how to undo this. so we can make up. and try to go on, with our relationship stronger. please help. I dont want each day to go by, and him pulling away from me forther from us.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 June 2012):
 No he does not need more time, you are playing right in to his hands, he does not love or care about you. He is emotionally abusing you and you are letting him. He won't apologise no matter how long you wait and the next day when he said to you he meant the things he said well believe him and ask yourself do you want to be with someone who thinks of you that way?
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (14 June 2012):
 It sounds like he is an emotional abuser and lays blame on you for everything...even when there really isn't any blame to be had. Seriously consider leaving him because it won't get any better. He sounds very self-centered. Besides that, you have put forth your best effort to make amends with this situation and he would rather prolong it. Find someone who appreciates you.
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A
female
reader, ladybug 1 +, writes (14 June 2012):
ladybug 1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so far, for taking time out with your apinons. I am keeping them all in mind. since then, the next morning I told him that I was sorry, and I didnt mean the false actuasions, I made agaist him. and he said well I did mean what I said. that hurt, but I thought he was just still angry with me. So the next day, I wrote apology letter, and put it in his lunch, so he would have all day to read it, and to think about it. I even did something nice for him. and I didnt even get a thank you. and I asked if he read my letter. he said yes. he still has not apologed to me, Is it because he is still hurt, and he is still not forgiving me. I am trying to move forword, and he is still resisting. we talk only when we have to. or make small talk. does men need more time to heal, then woman do. How long do I wait for him to show how sorry he is to me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2012): You can't undo or take back hurtful words, that's why you just should not even be saying them to begin with. You can say you're sorry but if there's a history of saying hurtful things then apologizing then saying hurtful words again tomorrow, over time the apologies are worthless so don't even bother.You just need to stop saying hurtful words no matter what. You can express how angry and hurt you feel, without saying things that are nasty and putting down the other person. You should learn how to do that.You also should re-think if you should be with this guy. Why do you want to be with someone who says hurtful words to you that cut to the core? That is not love. Love is patient and kind. People who truly love each other don't want to hurt each other. People who want to hurt each other don't love each other. when people say nasty things to each other, that is hate. That is the intent to punish the other person and make them feel bad for making you feel bad. it's focused on revenge and inflicting pain. How on earth can you say that you love him or he loves you? It's just clinging to someone because they are familiar or because you don't want to be alone, but such a relationship is not a nice place for you or for him.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (12 June 2012):
 You can't "unring" a bell.... you can't "take back" hurtful words that have passed out over your lips....
You CAN apologize for the hurtful words.... and you CAN exhibit the remorsefulness that displays that you ARE sorry for those words....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (12 June 2012):
This is all because you woke him up from a nap? Wow, maybe this isn't the guy for you. He could have just told you not to wake him up from naps anymore and that could have been the end of it. It sounds like a lot of verbal abuse in this relationship. You might want to reconsider if the two of you should be together if this is what happens. Also, whenever anyone says their boyfriend drinks, I have to wonder what a great guy he is anyway. As I've said before on here, men drink in my presence all the time, but to say "he gets mad when he drinks" leads me to believe that he drinks frequently...this is not someone you want to be with in the long term. Besides, drinking never made me do anything I didn't want to do already. Drinking just makes it easier for you to do what you already wanted to do. I'd seriously think about if this is the kind of drama you want in your life.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (12 June 2012):
I can understand that you feel bad about what you said and you apologised to him for the hurtful things that you said, but did he apologise to you for calling you hurtful names? A relationship works in both ways and it looks like you are the one putting all the work in to it and trying to make it work when it is clear that it won't if he has some anger issues due to alcohol. Explain to him how he makes you feel when he has been drinking, if he really loves you then he will stop treating you like this. Stop blaming yourself for everything. He needs to take some of the blame as well if not most of it.
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