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age
36-40,
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writes: My fiancee and i broke up about 5 months ago because she found out i cheated on her, i have changed the way i live my life and have become a great person, i will never chea t again, i have stopped drinking, and lying and living the terrible way i was living my life. I am trying to make things better, and from reading books i try to feel what it feels like to be cheated on so i can understand the hurt i have put her through, I know i have hurt her so much and she said it was so devesatating because she never thought i would do something like that to hurt her. I love her with all of my heart, What does cheating feel like? How can i understand what she is going through?
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male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (8 July 2008):
 Your question is: How does it feel being cheated on? Let me try to answer based on my own feelings and experience.
There is the feeling of betrayal. All the time that she trusted you, thought you were doing something innocuous, you were actually lying! The night that she tucked herself quietly into bed, thinking about you, falling asleep with you in her thoughts, you were actually doing something terribly wrong. When she finds out later, all of her trust and fond thoughts about you turn out to have been illusions, lies, falsehoods. This is an awful feeling.
Then there is the mystery. For you, it's something that you did. There is no mystery, you are quite aware of what the things that you did with this other woman. For her, it's an agony of wondering just what kind of things you shared with this other person. In fact, you may not have felt much at all, it may have been quite mechanical sex, but your fiancee can only fear the worst, that all the things you did together were a deeper sharing of emotions and intimacies.
It hurts to think that all those special things that were just between the two of you were secretly shared with a third person. All those little sexual things that are part of the connection of love and intimacy take on a huge meaning when you love a person. What if your man has a special way of nibbling at your ears that you think of when you think of him? It has such meaning and significance, it arouses such fond feelings, such special thoughts. How would you feel if he went and shared that special way of nibbling with another girl? The whole meaning and all the specialness would turn into pain. You could never feel the same again.
Then there is the feeling of loss. When that person that you thought you knew turns out to have been doing things outside of your knowledge, you've lost that person because part of them is outside your experience, outside your shared world. It's gone forever. What's past is past, and nothing can ever truly restore it to your world in the present. It's lost to you, and so is the person who you thought you trusted.
I don't know if this is how other people experience this kind of thing, but that's how I see it.
A
female
reader, LilzDon'tKnow  +, writes (2 July 2008):
 Don't give up!!!! Your on a roll here! If you keep doing the things you say you are and she loved you as much as you say she did then she'll be back just have paitience :) Hope this helpsKeeps me updated pweasy
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female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (2 July 2008):
 I understand how you feel .. but unfortunately, you should of never cheat on her. No present will fix this. You srewed up big time and even tho you are telling yourself you will never do it again... why did you do it at the first place???? If she truly loved you,than she will never come back .. you know why? Because that will hurt her more,than if she just liked you and she could live with it. I did say Once a cheater always a cheater. Cause I gave chances to couple of my exe's after they cheated and they told me how sorry they are and how they changed and blah blah ... and didnt take them even copule of months and they were back on the road. I dont know this girl, and I cant say that she wont come back to you, I am just saying, that you srewed up, its your fault, you lost her for your own stupidity and no emails, bathingsuits of pictures of dolls will make this pain of hers go away! You shouldnt ask yourself how much does it hurt to be cheated on, because there is no way to explain it ... unless she cheates on you and than you will not have to ask us anymore!Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIs it possible to get her back though? People say "once a cheater always a cheater" i dont agree with that, i will never cheat on her ever again or anyone at that point, and i know i can make her the happiest person in the world. It took her to leave me to understand how important she was to me. Why? i love this girl so much! i know alot of the girls think to just let him go and find someone else or dont worry about this girl, but if this was to happen to one of you and you truly loved this guy and knew he was the one for you, What would you expect or what this guy to do? i am now traveling around the world with the Marines and whenever i go to somewhere new i make a little doll of her that i take pictures with and send her all the pictures telling her she is with me know matter what, i make a care package for her in every place i go, i send her emails everyday and send her movies of me talking to her and reading books and poems to her, i send her flowers and bathing suits and little things that will make her think of me, i know i can make her the happiest thing in the world, before i left she told me she loved me and that i didnt know how bad she wanted me to change, and how much her heart wanted me to change but her mind couldnt think i could. Is it time? do i need to leave her alone and let her forget the old me or do i continue to persue her? i dont want her to think that i have given up, it is the last thing i the world i want to do! i love her so much! Please help me. i made a huge mistake and will do anything to fix it, i will seriously go to hell and back to get back together with her, she is the love of my life and the girl of my dreams!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): I guess it really depends how much you both loved each other and it also depends on the person, everybody reacts differently.
If she was really in love with you and had alot of her heart and alot of trust invested in you, then I can guarantee you it was very painful. But even the extent of her pain depends on the person. If she is a higly sensitive person, then the pain might be terrible. She might be reliving the thought of you groping some other woman and she might be sick at the thought of it.
But not everybody is that sensitive. As much as you may think we love you, some women are actually very tough and level-headed when faced with situations like these. We are not going to sit there and let those thoughts consume us. Our pride and our logic will set in way before we let our emotions get the best of us.
It really depends on a woman's mental state and her views of relationships. I for instance, have felt much more pain and heartbreak at losing someone who was good to me than I have at losing someone who cheated on me. Why? Because I was taught to grieve for someone who actually deserved my tears and not for someone who didn't. A guy who cheats doesn't love you, so chances are he is not going to get many tears out of me. On the other hand, a guy who treated me like gold, will get a lot of tears from me, especially if I know he is with another woman after we break up. But if he cheated? It will hurt, but I won't feel it was that great of a loss...
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female
reader, alwaysndforever +, writes (2 July 2008):
it makes the girl curious about what else has happened that she didnt find out about. she most likely felt like she wasnt good enough for you to be loyal to and cryed for a longg time. it is the most devastating thing to be cheated on and can make a person do really stupid things to feel better about them self like stop eating. prove to her that you have changed but no promises that she will take you back because if one thing goes wrong then she will think ur cheating.its really hard to forgive someone of such a horrible thing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): Imagine her being very happy without you. Imagine never seeing her again. Imagine her laughing at you and your pathetic attempts to get her back. Imagine her talking with all her girlfriends about what a loser you are. Imagine her with her new guy, smiling into his eyes, telling him how much she loves him and how much she wants to be his wife.... I could go on, put you've put yourself through a lot, but still you feel guilt.
I'm sorry you messed up. I'm sorry you hurt this girl and made her cry. She will never trust you again. This you must accept, this is your punishment. You must move on with your life, cause you've suffered enough.
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female
reader, LilzDon'tKnow +, writes (2 July 2008):
Well the only way to understand what it feels like to be cheated on is to actually be cheated on. now hiring someone to cheat on you isn't the same as the fiancee for 5 years being cheated on. Only she can make you realize how badly she was hurting. But the thing is you can't get the full blow because when you catch her cheating you'll be less shocked because its a chain effect. Your going to have to appologize hope she takes you back and if she cheats on you, you can't get mad at her for the first time. then you'll get a small understanding of how she felt.
~Hope This Helps~
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female
reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (1 July 2008):
 she will never ever forget the incident, despite how much you grovel and beg and change. one may forgive, and its a noble and very hard act to do, as ones emotions are involved, and itys a matter of the heart. u see, no mattter what, she will question why u cheated, and what was wrong with her? what did she do or did not do? was she so ugly, or was she lacking in an area? these questions and more run through ones mind. and its usuallyt irrepairable. sadly, she will carry baggage to her next relationship because of u. good or bad. and she will be what one may call temporary damaged goods, because her mind and her trust will be messed up, with good reasons of course. saying sorry and all the excuses does not take away this fact.u only felt remorse later. anmd later, my friend, is too late.
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male
reader, WastedLife +, writes (1 July 2008):
Sadly, the way most guys learn this lesson is to lose her permanently. Women are not the same after they have been cheated on, and neither are guys. When a relationship is close enough, many partners will actually feel and know when they are cheated on, even though they have no obvious evidence. When you lose the one you really love and no matter what, you have no chance of getting her back, it can feel worse than the depths of hell. That may never heal, and you may grow an emotional scar that reminds you for a lifetime of the mistake you made that can never be undone.
I hate to be so graphic, but that's really how it feels, and continues to feel.
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female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (1 July 2008):
This is horrible!
Even tho you have changed your life! She will never trust you again. You have done the worst thing you possibly could.
How does it feel? Hard to explain ..
Imagine ... your parents take you for voccation to North Dakota in the middle of winter, while you are 7years old. They take you to the mountains, tell you they never loved you and you are not their child and leave you there to die! Thats how it feels!
Good luck to HER!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): you did a bad thing, but you know it,
but are you trying to get her back or just learn?
my opinion is ,
do you remember being a child, getting that toy you always wanted, just for the bigger kids to break it on you?
that must of really upset you
thats the feeling of loss, its not nice in what ever way you experience it.
did you ever have a pet die?
thats the feeling of lost love.
did you ever have your friends turn their back when you needed them the most? thats the feeling of rejection.
none of these are that bad ALONE, put them all together, multiply by 100000000+lots more zeros and you may understand what it feels like,
HOPE THAT HELPS? X
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