A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi there, i have been married for a couple of years, during that time my wife cheated on me with a nother guy that always came around pretending to be my friend so i wouldnt know. my wife left and came back about 1 month later.. i took her back and sorted things out about 1 year ago.. well thats what i thought anyways. now everytime we go to have sex she says she cant get into the mood.. she trys and i know this but she just cant.. now everytime she goes away for work i think she is going to cheat on me. she gets angry with me because of this and it causes more stress. i love my wife wih all my heart and soul. and she does love me.. how do we et over this???????
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male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (3 October 2007):
You need to go with her to see a therapist. Otherwise, you'll just get worse. It's your life you're wasting.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionshe told me that she cheated before she asked to get back with me. so i knew she cheated on me before i took her back... i know she loves me and she gets upset that she cant get in the mood.. i love this woman with the bottom of my heart. i have forgiven her for cheating but i cant forget. and everytime she goes away, for some reason i think she is going to cheat on me.. but i cant keep doing this whole 3,4, sometimes 5 months without sex. sometimes i think i could be with another woman, but i cant do it..
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2007): Dude , hate to say it but nothing you say sounds like a relationship with a future. It sounds like she came back to you out of either guilt or because her other options have dried up ( quite possibly being dumped by the guy she cheated with you on ).
Her not being in the mood constantly is a huge concern, form what little you have said I think you need to re-assess your options.
Are you able to have a heart to heart with her ,find out if its the security she's interested in or you. If the former its time to get the hell out of the marriage.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (3 October 2007):
 I would say there are some deep issues here. I agree with the other one, it may not be that she can't get in the mood. I would seek therapy. There is also a problem with her getting angry with your concerns. You're concerned, those feelings are real, they are not something that justifies getting angry over. I don't want to judge or accuse. I'm not going to jump to conclusions, but if I was in your shoes, I'd have some of the same fears you are.
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A
male
reader, mortimer +, writes (3 October 2007):
 Yeah good question. First I need to know how you found out about the cheating. If she told you then it stands a chance her feeling for you were strong enough to be either 1.Totally honest b/c she loves you or 2. Hope you would break up with her. I tend to think after a year has gone by it's the first answer. So, total honesty and transparency must take place between the two of you for this to work. It is going to require alot of work on her part to tell you exactly what's going on but if she loves you she shoulden't hesitate to allow you into her life completely. After all she's the one who messed up here not you!! Your feelings are necessarily justified either being that she's been faithful for the past year and you're still paranoid. Take my advice and reflect on you trusting yourself. Yeah I said trust yourself, you're worthy of a great girl and she is worthy of a great guy. You two can work this out and re-learn to trust again. good luck
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (2 October 2007):
Either she is lying or she needs therapy.
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