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female
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*egfaichney
writes:when i was a very young child i was a victom of child abuse for 12 yrs,i was in a abusive relationship (my first adult)i fell pregnant to that man then after baby i abused myself with drugs alchol and sleeping with anything that moved, 29yrs on i reflect on my life more now than ever,ive been clean for many years, but my body has paid the price i can no longer work as i have chronic pain, arthritis and severe back problems,im in a very loving relationship of hubby of 27yrs. Now i counsel many people from UK to US can you learn to respect yourself where others dont. YES!! but one thing i cant answer apart from family, can you truly trust again?
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reader, rcn  +, writes (29 July 2011):
 You've allowed it. People become comfortable with how you allow them to treat you. Controversy happens when you tighten what's been allowed for a period of time. We give a little, then a little more, til we're about to crack, because like children, people test their boundaries. When you allow additional space within yours, you created new boundaries to match that allowance. Always be true to who you are. Assure people treat you the way you choose to be treated. If they love you, they'll treat you no less that what you have set. Love can be a beautiful thing, but their must also be some equality with how one treats the other. As an example, I have a friend of mine who's fairly wealthy, earning around $270,000 per year. When he and his wife got married, they decided that they will never loan anyone money, especially family, because family is the first who'll take advantage of the generosity. Even there, the boundaries had to be set. So, people don't take advantage of him, because he's taken himself out of that possibility, and doesn't want money to harm friendships or relationships with his family.
A
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reader, megfaichney +, writes (25 July 2011):
megfaichney is verified as being by the original poster of the question well i definately think it's true when it's said you can pick friends and not your family, both sides of my hubbys and my family dont talk at all now both my daughters dont talk to us. you can never please everybody why is it if your a wall flower everybody is comfortable with you, but as soon as you stand up and speak out family are so affended by you. Then you see if love is meant to be unconditional. why is it? I'm willing for it, but as soon as i say no, then all hell breaks loose. Friends have limits too, because when i have a bad day with my health, everybody disapears. Love,family ,loyalty,friends they all disapear when you need them most, but they expect you to bale them out all the time
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reader, rcn +, writes (8 July 2011):
Can you trust your family? Do they deserve your trust? Can you forgive them? I believe you can do that, but that's different from trusting them. My daughter was slapped in the ear by a guy when I was small, no arrest cuz he had mental issues, I forgave, but I'll be damned if my child will be anywhere close to him again. Your other question.
Apart from family, can you trust again? Do you trust me? Do you trust what I say is true? I am a stranger to you, but I am giving you advice where I can either say something that may harm you, or I can say something that can help you. In reading what I've written, how do you feel from the words?
You need to not always take what someone says as being true, but feel the truth of what someone says. Does that make sense? So many people I know, and I'm sure you do too have fallen for things, and we've said, "I can't believe you fell for that. Didn't you see the signs?"
There are people you can trust. It's rare with so many out there that you can't. But they are there. Listen with your heart, not your mind. When someone makes your nervous and you feel that deep within. Don't ignore it, your inner being is talking to you. There's a reason for that feeling. Watch people who always want something from you. When you can't give any more, but they are still wanting, and there's a time you may need, they'll be the first to not be there for you.
Keep working on yourself. Remember the healthier you become inside, the more others will treat you well as well.
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