A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm almost 17 and my mom doesn't know that I'm sexually active. I lost my virginity at a young age and I feel like I'm old enough to tell her that I'm not a virgin, however I'm scared because she had me when she was my age.How can I tell her and still keep her trust?
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female
reader, bayanda  +, writes (28 August 2017):
It is never easy to open up about let alone 2 ur mom , I lost mine when I was 17 nd I'm 19 now my mom doesn't knw nd I want to keep it lyk dat so I think u mustn't tell her untill she aks u about it
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (15 March 2012):
 If she asks, just be honest. She is probably asking so she can help you get contraception and make sure you're being safe. She's been through this firsthand, she can help you out. Yes it's a little uncomfortable, but it stops being uncomfortable after awhile and it's much nicer not to feel like you have this secret. Plus if you ever have questions about the pill or anything like that or need help if you do get pregnant or something, it would be much better to be able to talk to your mom about it than someone inexperienced.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 March 2012):
 Honey if she asked, she’s ready to hear it. Trust me I’m a mom and I lost my virginity at 14 and I was more afraid of my kids having unwanted pregnancies than anything so I was VERY receptive to hearing them come to me as an adult and say “mom I want to go on the pill”….
Do you need to ask her for condoms? Can you not buy them in the store yourself?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe has asked me and I just lie to her about it.
I want to be put on the pill and I want to be able to ask her for condoms, I don't want to keep hiding things from her, we share everything.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (15 March 2012):
Either she knows already, or doesn't want to know, you don't need to tell her. I think it is unusal to talk about your sex life with your parents. Certainly if you have questions or want advice she will want to talk, but otherwise it sounds like you want to boast and that is not very grown up.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 March 2012):
Your follow-up wasn't posted when I responded, but no all hell doesn't break loose. My mom was surprisingly cool about it. She looked like she was turning several shades of purple and red and blue, then took a deep breath and had a civil conversation with me about it, told me she'd help me get any contraception I needed (like if I was too embarrassed to buy it or didn't want to pay for the pill) and told me that if I ever got pregnant to please tell her and she'd help and pay for an abortion and such. Moms just want what's best for their kids.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 March 2012):
if she told you to tell her when you are ready then tell her... she's open to hearing it.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 March 2012):
I knew when my stepdaughter lost hers but I didn't tell my mom...although she found out after a bit.
is there a need to tell mom?
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 March 2012):
Why would you want to tell her? I told my mom when I lost mine, but that's because she asked and I knew she wouldn't get upset. She just wanted to make sure I had contraception and such. But if your mom doesn't directly ask "have you had sex yet" there's no need to know. Just make sure you are being safe about it!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioniAmHereToHelpYou- I was 14 when I lost it. And I have been safe about it.
To everyone that wants to know why I feel I need to tell her, she told me to tell her when I'm ready. But most parents say that and then when their kids come clean to them all hell breaks loose.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 March 2012):
 Why would you need to tell her? It's sort of private, isn't it? Keep your sex life to yourself. Your mother doesn't need (and probably doesn't want) to know. She'll figure it out once you move in with a man and start having babies yourself.
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A
female
reader, Echo85  +, writes (14 March 2012):
 I'm sorry hunni, but no parent wants to know that their child is no longer 'pure'. You can't tell her and keep her trust. If she was easy going enough for you to do that you would have been able to tell her the very first time.
Keep it on a strictly 'need to know' basis. And the fact that you were an 'early bloomer' your mum really does not need to know.
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, Tinkz +, writes (14 March 2012):
 Its no an easy question yet it is a very important one.
As a mom, i think i would be both dissapointed and proud of my daughter if she came and told me.
Your mom may be hurt as she may not want the same future for you that she had with having a child so young, but you are the most important person in her life, and im sure that she would want to protect you.
Telling her would her do that.
She may ask you a lot of questions, who, when why? are you being safe.
make sure you have the answers for her, it will show her that you are mature and "know" what you doing.
Yes you are young but remember there are children out there doing it much much younger and they get into all sorts of trouble because they haven't been honest with there parents, (mothers).
Your mom may not trust you with men afterwards for a while, its understandable, no mother wants to picture her daughter doing the deed. but i promise she will come around! it may even make your relationship stronger!!
Hope this helps
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl +, writes (14 March 2012):
 Why do you have a need to tell her?
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