A
female
age
51-59,
*assygirl2009
writes:i love my boyfriend he says he loves me but deep down in side i think he still loves his ex how do i know?
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (24 September 2009):
 Lets see if we can look at this rationally.
Your boyfriend's with you. Naturally he may still have feelings for his ex. But wouldn't you have feelings for an ex too? Even if you don't want to admit it?
When we transition from one relationship to another, there are going to be memories of the people we've loved in our lives. We learn from mistakes made in past relationships. That's the natural and appropriate response to moving on towards a future with someone else.
What you want to do is work on forming new, closer and tighter intellectual and emotional connections with your boyfriend. After all, you're the one he's paying attention to now, not the other girl.
If you want to win his heart over, then the two of you need to spend the right time, and make the efforts to cultivate a strong relationship.
To do so, you have to strive past your insecurities, and move closer towards trusting him. I think this is your issue.
You can't make a loving, close relationship if there's trust missing there. Eventually he's going to sense that.
At the same time, if you're that insecure about it, then ask him if he still has feelings for his ex, and if so whether that's going to get in the way of him being closer to you and giving his heart to you.
I suspect he'd tell you that he's happy that you're there for him, and I'll bet he's willing to make the efforts to make his relationship with you better and stronger than with anyone else.
But if you're worried about competing with an old flame, then its going to get in the way of you really enjoying your life and your relationship with him.
The best way to deal with this is to start building trust between you and your boyfriend, both ways. Open yourselves up to each other and see how lasting those "embers" are. And see what you and he can do together to make your love stronger and much deeper. When you do that, you'll find that kind of deep, emotional commitment and intimacy that will overcome any old flickers out there.
Otherwise, you're going to throw the baby out with the bathwater and neither you nor your boyfriend will be happy. I suspect you want things better.
A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (24 September 2009):
 From you asking this question I feel you have insecurity issues within.
You need to think of the reasons why your bf loves you, he says he does, if not ask him what qualities he likes about you that makes him say he loves you.
If he loved his ex gf so much he would have still been with her now, but he is not, he is with you.
Everyone has a past and his ex gf is part of his past not his future, he's with you now.
Try not to dwell on it and speak to your bf if you have doubts or reasons why he doesnt love you as much.
Communication is the key to a healthy happy relationship.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (24 September 2009):
You don't and you can't just ask. You've got to watch how he treats you and how he speaks to you. Also, instead of worrying, make sure he knows you love him. Lots of effort. It's hard getting over someone, but I'm sure he will. Has he given you any reason to doubt him at all?
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