A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:How can you tell if your boyfriend is tellin the truth whether a "friend" is just a friend orwhether he has slept with her. He denies anything happened that hey were just friends.I somehow believe him, just want to know to what lenths will you men go to and deny or if there is a way i can tell if he has told the truth this is an old issue but once in a whie i still think about this one incidence early in our reationship. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2013): I don't think you will ever know. All you can do is ask him and you know what he is going to say. Do you trust him? if you don't trust him it may be best to break up with him otherwise this will forever drive you crazy as it can never be resolved unless you find evidence you don't want to find. your options are to either let go and trust him and consider the case closed, or learn to live with not knowing for the rest of your life.
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (27 February 2013):
 OP, from what his says about not touching her with a 10ft pole, I believe him.
He also states he didn't want to cause any scuffles or upset you. You're still together and it seems to me he's just a nice guy and wants to be with you.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (27 February 2013):
So this happened a year ago? Let me tell you his ACTIONS speak louder than words. If he is the most wonderful man in the World what's the problem? I can't see one here.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@anonemouse...my question wasn’t why do all men it was a general question why do men , in this instance and circumstances as well as women, so sorry to upset u on that note, on the other I appreciate all your response, this was almost a year ago I caught him in a direct lie that he was with his fiends caught him at her house, he came out after me, saying she was a fiend he knew her for about 2/3 years but only became FB finds about 8 months b4 this. They would hang out NC a week in a group he has known for more than15 yrs...She was the only female in this group and became the only female maybe a year ago or maybe shortly before they became FB friends. She has pissed off many of the guy’s gf's and wives. He swears he didn’t tell me he was going their because I had become uncomfortable with her and he didn’t want to cause any unnecessary scuffle as they were just friends and she repeatedly begged him to come over out of boredom and she has young kids and doesn’t come out often thus why it was at her house, but it was also late at night. He seemed honest he let me freak and he said he would talk about this until I wanted too no holds bar, but he repeatedly says he would not have touched her w a ten foot pole, I knew he was lying back then because he WAS acting different and he tripped himself up but now how do I know now if he did tell me the truth whether there was any sexual or physical contact whatsoever...
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (27 February 2013):
What kind of dumb question is this? I'll tell you something now that is based on the facts of evolution between men and women.
Women are better liars than men. Yes, some men are better than some women. Generally and proportionally, women are far better liars than men. That doesn't mean ALL women are liars before you all cry "HANG HIM!". Liars are liars regardless of sex. Women think faster and can come up with an excuse far quicker than most men. Men, generally, are poor liars and cave in when repeatedly confronted about it and get tripped up quite easily.
My advice is listen to your gut feeling. If you believe him then believe him. If you think something's up then wait and see. People get sloppy when they get away with a lie and more will come out and they will trip up somewhere. Liars always get found out in the end.
How can we tell whether he's telling the truth or not? We can't hear his tone or see his facial expressions or his body language.
What lengths would some WOMEN go to in order to cover up sleeping with someone they shouldn't have?
It's not man vs. woman. Your man is an individual and we don't know him or you or your history, we can't see his expression, body language or hear the tone of his voice.
If you don't trust him then leave him. If you do trust him, then stay.
Just out of interest, you don't mention what makes you think something is going on with this female friend in the first place?
Is she a new friend? Has she said something? Has he? Has he done something? How long ago was this instance? What was it?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much, this was an issue over a year ago.He's no longer been in contact that I know. He stopped hanging around that set of friends. I never asked but I believe it’s because I had wrote him a long long letter and read it to him about how unsettled I feel and insecure after some things and when he hangs out at the bar with these people and she is there, he seemingly without me asking him too stopped and gave up that type of hanging out, no more bar scene no more her. I was stunned and thankful but didn’t mention it he only mentioned he no longer will be going there and hanging with these people he was done and joined a new group on those nights....I just feel like I just wish to god I knew whether or not there was a brief indiscretion, I feel like if I don’t know the truth like I still played the fool, now he absolutely denies anything at all happened with her that they were only friends and had coffee to discuss a guy they knew that she had a brief relation with. I trust him to some degree have gotten past the enormous hurt and pain it had caused. I almost broke up with him over it. But I decided that regardless what happened I was willing to see if here forward it was good, and it’s great, really great, but yet I feel like I just wish I knew, he once mentioned when talking about a friend of his that is married whether he was having an affair he said well. Honey u know its " deny, deny, deny" had he not said that a few months back I may never have questioned again whether he actually had this indiscretion now I know he wasn’t going to leave me for her that she was just a lay because that’s what she is known as, but it eats me up because if he did, although I would still stay with him.I would definitely behave differently and our relationship would absolutely be different because my spy-gazer would increase a million fold and I would require more transparency from him as I do not ask much or inquire much and he doesn’t offer much but it’s because we r older and ere is a level of trust but if I didn’t I wouldn’t be this lax and believe me I am very very very lax...So I guess that’s why I need to know I do get it if he is innocent it wouldn’t be good for me to harbor on this but I don’t want to harbor him I would want to find out from her somehow someway. Am I just nuts? Lol other than this one thing he is seriously the most wonderful man I ever met they don’t make men like him anymore but if he laid with this woman I would be smart to change my easy going nature a bit not like a big change more like an internal change and put up a bulletproof vest in risky situations...know what I mean?
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A
male
reader, Been Through It +, writes (26 February 2013):
 No one will be able to tell you other then him, and most likely he won't tell you. I always believe a way to tell is in their actions and how they look at you. When you are in love and your relationship is not polluted with infidelity, it's at it's purist moment. Add in another person on the side and things will change. It sounds as if he may have done something already and you are accepting it. Keep your eye on it all. If he is acting different or having a hard time looking you in the eye, he may have eyes for someone else.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 February 2013):
 There are just about no limits to what a man will say to get a woman to put out (or CONTINUE to put out) for him...
(This also applies to SOME women.... but it's believed to be more widespread in men... since women have got the "prize"...)
IF you have REASON to believe that your man is not being faithful... then act on it. IF you are only allowing a past not-quite-sure incident to eat at your head and heart, then, maybe, you need to purge it from your thinking...
One thing is almost certain. IF the indescretion IS innocent... and YOU continue to harp on it... it has a GREAT CHANCE of scuttling the relationship you have with your man, once he gets sick and tired of your harping....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 February 2013):
 what lengths will a liar go to protect their situation... depends on the liar.... (note that women lie as much as men... liars are liars)
in cases where you don't have proof, you have to trust your gut...
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (26 February 2013):
 Whether he's lying or not, if you don't trust him then you probably shouldn't be in a relationship with him.
If he's cheated on you before and he suddenly has a special female 'friend' then the picture don't look good.
If he loves you he will make sure you can trust him 100% because thats what people who care about eachother do...anything else is shabby.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 February 2013):
 Not to diminish the pain that caused you to write this question, but in all fairness, lying is universal. Men *and* women both have told lies like this. It doesn't boil down to a gender, but to an individual.
There are men of high character, and there are women of low character. Men can be faithful, or they can lie. Women likewise can do the same. Trust me, with way too many incidences of paternity fraud out there, women are very good at lying. So are men.
Back to your boyfriend here -- why do you need proof?? If there's something off that you can't shake, then break up with him. If he didn't cheat on you, it'll give you and him peace of mind that you two weren't meant to be. If he did cheat on you, then you will have saved yourself a lot of money in Tylenol Migraine medicine because you will have cut out a cheater from your life.
The real question is -- is he comfortable with lying to you, has he cheated on you in the past, and was there ever a history with this girl in question? If they were exes or he's ever had feelings for her, he shouldn't have her in his life.
Bring it to a head, because sometimes the whole "I need proof" thing is really simply to draw out the pain.
Resolve this. Sometimes, true or false, you weren't meant to be together.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (26 February 2013):
Your question won't really help you know if he's cheating.
You have to take a look at the situation and use your best judgement, don't worry about what he'll do to avoid getting caught.
Has he cheated or lied before? Do you know if he lied about this person or do you just have a feeling (like did he say he was at a friend's house but was with her)? Does he seem like he's lying or telling the truth? Has he apologized even if he claims he did nothing wrong? Are you a paranoid person?
It's certainly possible to be friends with a woman, so if the answer to most of these questions is no, you should probably drop it for now.
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