A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I'm really close friends with a guy and we get along great. We share a lot of interests and we always have fun just talking with each other and hanging out. But recently I've kind of been getting a vibe that he may like me as more than a friend. Speaking with other friends has confirmed this suspicion. The thing is, I'm a lesbian and don't like him at all in that way. I don't know how to react if he were to outright tell me that he likes me. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I also don't feel like openly talking about my sexuality either. How can I tell him that it's never going to happen, but without hurting him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): Have you not come out yet? Because if you have then telling him you're lesbian is not really a big deal. You can just tell him you like girls and leave it at that.
Whatever you do, don't beat around the bush, there is nothing worse than girls not being fully honest that nothing is ever going to happen but instead trying be delicate about it. (I don't mean you have to tell him about your sexuality just completely honest about his chances)
Newsflash: It hurts more to still think you have a chance. So just tell him straight up, "nothing will ever happen, I don't see you that way and never will"
We really do prefer that, seriously we hate being led on by a girl too scared to hurt our feelings, because they spend ages not getting to the point and we will just continue to waste our time on them because they didn't give us a conclusive "no".
Let me tell you a secret, if he likes you then his feelings are going to get hurt anyway, not by you but because you don't like him that way, that's not your fault if you tell him this up front. But it will be your fault if you don't do that, he will feel betrayed and used if he thinks you led him on by not being honest with him.
You see where I'm coming from? We guys are straight forward this way, we'd much prefer an honest rejection than dancing around the issue trying to be nice, because either way we'll be hurt but as long as it's not by a patronizing attempt to spare our feelings to the point where we keep trying then we're fine with it and we move on.
A nice girl will let a guy know he doesn't stand a chance, a bitch will dance around the issue never fully saying 'no' because she's scared to hurt the guy, sucking that guy in even deeper and making him try harder.
A
female
reader, Nouvelle32  +, writes (11 December 2010):
I find that it's best to be as honest as you can (without telling him you prefer women).. Just tell him that you like being his friend and enjoy his company, but that you don't want to have any sort of relationship because you think it would mess up your friendship. You could also add that you don't want any relationships with anyone until after college because you prefer to focus on studies... that way he won't think there's any hope in the future.
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