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anonymous
writes:hi there, the guy im seeing or was seeing has said he needs us to be friends for the moment cos he is dealing with too much we have only been seeing each other for two months and i know he is being genuine because we have spoken since etc but the thing is i cant wait i am only living in the area he is for another two months before i move and i need to know how much this relationship has potential before i move so i know whether to base my course up here which would mean id be where he is for at least a week a month. i really want this to work and i dont want to push him cos he needs room. what do i do. im running out of time!thank you Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2007): You should go on with your plans. If he isn't ready, he isn't ready.He may, and most probably does, like you a lot. But his own plans probably don't coincide with your own, and that fact has probably put a big stopper on what he would like to have play out between you two. Plus, your plans are such that you have to go to where you're planning on going. This is probably an imperative, to discover who you are and what you want from life. If you don't go, you may never become the person you really need to be, in order to be with him, just as his own plans require him to go do what he plans on doing, so that he can feel worthy of being with you.Just a few thoughts.By any chance do you live on different islands? If so, I think he's waiting for you to send him an email. ;-)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2007): You really do not have much choice in this. He has told you he wants to be just friends for now, and he may be confused and not wanting pressure if he knows you'll only be in the area another two months.
You could tell him you'll miss him when you have to move and wonder if its worth it to take your course in the area where he is. See what he says. If you say much more than that, however, you risk pushing him away. The very worst thing you can do is come across to him as desperate.
As others have said, express your concern, but in a relaxed, non-pressuring or threatening way. If he is okay with the fact that you are moving, that will give you your answer.
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reader, Calli  +, writes (2 May 2007):
 He's told you what he needs: to be friends for now. Respect that, and don't pressure him or you'll drive him away. Part of really caring for someone is giving them what they need when they ask for it. Let him know that you're willing to give him the space he needs because you care about what he's going through. He'll appreciate it, and it'll probably endear you to him a bit.
Ask yourself what you really want. I know it's hard to do with no assurances that he'll return your affection, but why not just go ahead and base your course there? Martini is right--you don't need to wait for an answer from him to decide what you want. If you think he's worth it--take a chance.
Take the next two months, or longer, to get to know this guy better and work on the friendship. Whatever you decide to do in two months, you can still stay in touch with him. If the relationship does become intimate, it will be that much stronger because of it. If it doesn't become intimate, you just might wind up with a great friend.
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reader, trueheartconfused  +, writes (2 May 2007):
I wouldn't risk your relationship by asking him this early .
If you are not sure where this relationship is going , chances are he is not either, if you ask him now, he is very likely to say he doesn't know ,you would not get your answer and you risk a perfectly good relationship by making him think you are desparate or too forward.
But do tell him your concern , tell him you are moving away, it is going to be hard for you to see each other again, and tell him you would miss him , then see what happens, if he really cares about you , he might respond with " Please stay , I don't want you to go , let's figure something out " , if he doesn't say anything,it's not necessary a bad thing either, he is probably just not sure.
The point is , if this relationship is real and so is your love , it will stand the test of time and distance, actually a little distance might even help strengthen the relationship , because you don't see each other often, you will cherish each other more every time you see each other.
Relax, if a guy is really into you , he will not let you go this easily , he will find a way to be with you . Same thing for you too, if you really love this guy , you are sure he is the one, maybe you can find a way not to move or stay a little longer in this area until your relathionship is mature.
Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2007): You don't want to push him but you are running out of time. That's contradictory to each other. The most prudent method is be up front about it. Ask him exactly how it is. You're not going to lose anything but a possible heart-break from this.
Sometimes I wonder why people must move so quickly in accepting intimate partners. It's like a race of sorts. It's like "If you don't choose me now, I'm going to find another guy the next day." Aren't there other things in life that fill you in other than guys and love?
If you truly want this to work, this question wouldn't be asked in the first place. If you TRULY want this to work, you would have waited for an answer from him. However, since you ARE asking this question, it's quite possible that you aren't quite truly sure you think this is worth it, and you want some form of external confirmation that this isn't worth it.
If I were in your shoes, and I wanted someone enough, I wouldn't need to ask strangers or anyone for that matter, whether I should wait or what I should do. What I should do, if I were in your shoes, is wait for him. Otherwise, leave.
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