A
female
age
36-40,
*udzi
writes:i always lie to my partner that i reach orgasm because i didnt want to hurt his feelings or to get me the wrong way, you no how guys are like,how can i tell him without hurting his feelings
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female
reader, kudzi +, writes (24 March 2011):
kudzi is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys 4 your help my boyfriend and i have been dating for a year now we have been honesty about everything except this,maybe its high time 2 say it out,i hope he wont feel betrayed,thank you
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2011): HONESTLY, honesty is the best policy. It makes it better for both of you because you can figure out how to make it "work"Faking defrauds both of you.What you are doing is like giving a guy a key to open an invisible door that only you can see, behind which there is a delightful treasure for both of you. Telling him that it works and he is opening the door, when in fact the door is closed all the time. He is banging his head on the door constantly (no pun intended) and the door never gets opened and neither of you are enjoying that treasure.Don't think you are "bad" and a "terrible person" though. You are not alone.My wife didn't fake orgasms, she wouldn't talk about her sexual responses though, and it caused a lot of confusion. When she was able to talk, then she started to actually have orgasms, and she began to enjoy things more than ever in her life (and I did as well and didn't sit around wondering if I should leave and try finding someone who would talk).
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A
female
reader, Amdz  +, writes (21 March 2011):
 Like everyone else who has commented, I think that your honesty will only make sex better for the BOTH of you. I think if you talk to him, and focus on how much you want to keep increasing the pleasure for the two of you, he may not focus on his "feelings of hurt" but focus on how the two of you can be more creative by trying new things. I definitely think that the excitement and pleasure of sex is both "being" pleasured and "giving" pleasure...It will only make you more connected and increase the intimacy between the two of you in more ways than one, to mutually explore with each other what feels good....I wouldn't question being honest anymore, I would talk to him. It will be soooo worth it in the end for the two of you, and will help you both get past your insecurities. By lying, you are nurturing each other's insecurities and making those grow....Nip it in the bud, and be honest. Not easy to do, but in the long-run it will make it all so much better for the two of you. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (21 March 2011):
Well. Chances are you will hurt his feelings, even if you tell him this smoothly. But not telling him could end up in a real damage (for the couple) in the future. So you will have to tell him, making your best to be gentle and assuring him that you are telling this because you want to find a solution.
Maybe you would like to give us some background about this. How long have you been together? Are you in a serious relationship?
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A
male
reader, Revenant  +, writes (21 March 2011):
OK, this answer is coming from a guy, so listen up.
If you are in a serious relationship, and you really care about each other, you have to be honest. I was paranoid for a long time about my wife faking orgasms and I ended up flat out asking her after we slept together.
Even if you aren't having them, it's not a big deal. A lot of women find it very hard to have an orgasm when they are having intercourse, or it could even be something very small that can be resolved.
He is probably wondering about it anyway. Most guys (at least the ones who care) are all secretly suspicious that their partner is faking.
I found that when my wife told me what "wasn't" pushing her buttons, it made me a much better lover, because you try new things and experiment with what works.
The main thing is, this is something that you should be enjoying, and you won't really be living until you are both honest with each other and explore each others fantasies and desires.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (21 March 2011):
 You don't need to hurt his feelings as such, just ask him that you would like to star exploring new techniques and positions to find out what feels good for both of you. If it feels good, tell him so, if it doesn't, try something else. There's loads of different positions and techniques out there for you to try, and before you know it, you'll be having real orgasms all the time!!!
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