A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys! Well I am gay and have been with my boyfriend now for the best part of 3 years. We've recently started having sex but I am a little concerned about using protection. I mean I know that we can't get pregnant or anything like that but I mean I am a bit cautious of diseases etc.My boyfriend doesn't like using condoms because he prefers "flesh to flesh". I mean I would also but STI's and things are at the back of my mind when we have sex with no condoms.I want to tell him that I want us to both use condoms but a) I dont't know how to and b) will it hurt his feelings or anything like that?thanks..... Ryan
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2008): You really do need to insist on condoms. Even if you knew for sure [via a blood test]that you're both HIV free, anal sex is safer with one because of the nature of that particular part of the body.And you'll enjoy it much more without the worry, won't you?
A
female
reader, el Lori  +, writes (14 November 2008):
 Asking your partner to use protection is not saying "I don't care about you". It says quite the opposite. Also, you need to think about your own health. Especially if both you have had previous sexual partners. This goes out to both straight and gay couples out there. Tell him about you wanting to use condoms, not in the heat of the moment, but when you both can talk freely out in the open. Hope this helps and Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, ashleyterese +, writes (13 November 2008):
 hi Ryan,okay well this is a little easier for you than it is for girls but anyways, I just think that you should try to explain to him that even though you enjoy the sex with no condoms, you just always have the fear of diseases but make sure you say it so it sounds like you've always felt like this, and not just with him and for using them, there are usually directions on the back of the boxes, or you could just ask from a friend, or the internet iS ALWAYS a helpful solution. It might just open up his eyes a little bit. I mean at least you would be open to him about it and like you wanna get it out in the open.I really hope this helps!! :)
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (13 November 2008):
 South Africa is one of the most dangerous countries in the world in which to have unprotected sex. According to SA Govt figures 12% of all South Africans over the age of 2 carry the HIV virus. Anal Sex is a high risk activity for transmission of the HIV virus. Once you have that virus it is a death sentence. There is no chance of recovery. Unless you have money for expensive anti-retrovirals then its a really bad way to go.I don't know how you go about it as I've never had a partner who didn't understand why condoms are necessary but if you place any value on your life and his then you have to get tested and you have to wear condoms for penetrative sex. You don't have to wear a condom for blowjobs and for playing with each other but if he isn't wearing a raincoat then you need to keep the back door firmly shut.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (13 November 2008):
 You sound like you've got a much more solid head on your shoulders than your fella. Yes, all kinds of creepy diseases could be lurking in the man-parts and you absolutely need to prioritize your health and tell your boyfriend "NO GLOVE, NO LOVE."
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2008): You have just started having sex and therefore are entering a new part of adulthood. Part of being in a sexual relationship is being responsible and aware of consequences.
Unprotected sex is just not safe. The fact you are conscious of the health risks of sex makes you responsible. He should be too. His feelings should not be hurt.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2008): Tell him that unless you both have an STI check, you point blanc refuse to do it without a condom. If he won't do either of these then he doesn't have a lot of respect for you. If he refuses to get tested that might mean that he has something and is denying it - but that means he's putting you at risk, and if he loved you he wouldn't do that. If he does have something, then the sooner he gets checked, the sooner he can be treated, the sooner you can do it unprotected =]
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