A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How can I stop daydreaming about my married co-worker ( we are both in the medical field) and Work in close proximity. I believe we have a mutual attraction- I say this because conversation sometimes has steered to unprofessional chit chat ( we made a couple of sexual jokes) and I feel that he might be just as attracted to me. He always complains about his partner and he has said I look nice when I wore two outfits - he always says she (his wife ) aggravates him- I know they have been together for a decade - broken up a couple of times -and how marriage sucks - that being said we have never crossed the line because he acts very hot and cold . One day he will be very friendly and then another day he will make comments liek “oh we walked out of he meeting together - I hope ppl don’t think we have something going on” which is weird cause clearly we haven’t crossed any lines and I have never said anything to him about how I feel - I never said he looked nice or said anythifn when he talks about his wifeLong story short I don’t want to fall in this trap - I know we like each other and honestly I don’t think he would cheat I think he is just seeing maybe what’s out there? Maybe this is a game to see if I would like him? I wouldn’t even if he wanted to ( I know this would be hard) but I have morals but I do want to stop thinking about himWhen I go to work I dress up nice and if he has his middle swings I get upsetHelp! How can I stop? Nothing will come out of it cause he is married but how can I stop fantasizing- I must admit I do get excited when he complains about his wife - I know he is not to be trusted but I can’t help but want to continue to know moreI have been single for two years ( tires online dating) tried going out tried everything and I am lonely- so this is serving as a distraction
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female
reader, Stepmama +, writes (21 January 2018):
It’s not unusual to become attracted to someone else when you are in constant close proximity. If he has issues with his wife, he should not be expressing them to you. Write down why your attracted to him. Part could be boredom and you are enjoying the attention and the ridden fruit tempts us all. But take this fantasy all the way. He leaves her for you, or at least he has a rondivue with you. He has split from her before...something holds him there. Before long real life kicks in and you never feel comfortable knowing he will probably also cheat on you. And as you say your a moral person..to me this means if it’s not yours leave it alone. I once got involved with a married man and believed all the nonsense about his wife and the years later, I was married and it happened to me . It’s called Karma
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2018): You say you haven't crossed any lines? How about flirting with a married-man, and inappropriate unprofessional-behavior while on the clock? To site a couple of examples.
If you work in a hospital or for a emergency medical rescue team; people are all up in each others business. They watch your every move and gossip. I've worked in a hospital, and I know that work-environment quite well.
In this climate of exposing sexual-misconduct, here we go with another situation with people misbehaving on the job. Setting the employer up for the liability of a possible sexual-harassment suit. As for people suspecting; they are probably making bets and suspect it would happen at any given moment. The signs are hard to hide. You admitted you can't stop daydreaming about him. Apparently you have little self-control.
It doesn't take much evidence to raise suspicion of co-workers when you work in the medical-field. It's like a studio set for a live-action daytime soap opera. Nowadays employers have to be on high-alert; because of the prospect of liability behind sexual-harassment complaints.
The lamest excuses for bad behavior are "I can't help myself;" or "the devil made me do it."
You're a grown civilized educated-woman. You can control your impulses. If you have morals, you know what adultery is.
It's quite simple. Respect boundaries, be professional, and practice self-restraint. Find a man who is single and available; and doesn't have the same employer listed on his paycheck. What about his wife? He might have problems with her, but what did she ever do to you? No telling what she might do; if she finds out you're flirting with her husband! A concerned and nosy co-worker just might tip her off!
It's not worth all the trouble!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2018): Sounds like he is just doing some lukewarm flirting, nothing serious.
I understand how it feels to be lonely. I tried online dating, blind dates, everything. I ended up having sex with a married man but there's been no drama with us, just good fun. But still, I've tried to date single guys my age and none of them want anything more than sex, which I already know I can get so its unfortunate.
Just keep trying. I wouldnt go for this dude.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (18 January 2018):
 Only a jerk complains about their partner at work. I'm sure he irritates her too. All you are to him is an ego boost.
Blank him. Be polite, but don't react or respond to any of his flirting or compliments.
Work on yourself. Find ways to improve your confidence. Join one or two hobbies to meet like-minded people.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 January 2018):
 OP,
You don't think this guy would complain about YOU if he was seeing you? That you are somehow BETTER than his wife? Is that giving you a boost? Really?
The guy is a CRAPPY guy. If his marriage and wife is SO horrible, he CAN divorce her. It's 2018....
And yes, he is a distraction for you. Because while you keep fanning this fantasy (that honestly doesn't sound THAT great at all - I mean really? the coworker that talks shit about his wife is your fantasy?) you are not moving forward with YOUR own personal life. You are not investing in YOUR life. You are basically investing in HIS.
If the talks gets into sexual territory - tell him to keep it classy and either remove yourself from the situation or SHUT down the conversation. You guys are old enough to behave "better" than that.
You say you have morals you want to stick to, so DO so.
Online dating might NOT be for you. Maybe going out with friends, try a new hobby, cooking class, painting nudes, hiking group - something that not only takes you away from your work place but you mind of this guy (who really isn't much of a catch).
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (18 January 2018):
 You get over this man by realizing you are lusting after the man you WANT him to be, not the man he sounds to be. He sounds to be a back-stabbing whining spineless specimen who shows no loyalty to his wife of 10 years but badmouths her to anyone who will listen. If he blows hot and cold with you, he probably does the same with his wife. Would you be happy in a relationship with him acting like that towards you? Would you trust him not to be slagging you off to other people? You sound like an intelligent woman so I doubt you would be at all happy with him.
Honestly, you need to find a new "distraction". Do you have any hobbies or interests? Pursue them, or find new ones. That way you will meet new people with similar interests and, hopefully, find someone deserving of your attention. You know you deserve better than this weak individual.
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