A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is the first time, I'm saying this out-loud, well not out-loud, but to someone else, besides myself, so bear with me people.My ex boyfriend and I had a horrid relationship. Constantly fighting, breaking up, you know the usual. But I still loved him with all my heart, I did everything for him, and despite that (we had our good days) But.. after a year, I finally decided I needed to let it go.. so I have.Now, I'm with my new boyfriend, who I have been dating for three months. We have a good relationship, but I feel like everything I hated about my ex boyfriend, is what I have become. My boyfriend still tells me, I'm perfect, and he loves me, which I am sure at times, I am damn near close.. But I'm controlling, and jealous, and demanding, 40-60% of the time.But lately, I've been missing my ex boyfriend. I'm afraid I'll never feel the way I did with him, as I do with my boyfriend now. I have dreams about him lately, but I still take pre-cautions, like not hanging out with people who he hangs out with, I'm so scared to see him, because I'd never ever want to cheat, and thinking that I might, terrifies me.. literally..I don't know what to do, how to make these feelings for my boyfriend last, without the past meddling in my relationship.. thoughts anyone?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CJH  +, writes (17 December 2010):
 The simplistic answer is that you're clearly not ready to be with your current boyfriend if you're that worried about going back to the old one.
If only life was that easy though huh? Have you thought about being on your own for a while so you can really work out what you want?
Right now you say you're becoming everything you hated in the ex and that's just not right is it? It's seriously unfair on the guy you're with now at the very least.
It also sounds like you dislike the person you are becoming which is yet another reason to quit dating for a while or take just a little time out concentrating on understanding you and the reasons you're behaving like this.
Difficult question to be honest but I think if you focus on the reality, that is what you love about your boyfriend and what you hate about the ex you'll be a few steps closer to understanding what you want to do and why.
Good luck.
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