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male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi there, just here really needing some help.I'm 25 my girlfriend is 22 and we've been going out for a few months now and ever since my gf brought up our pasts, I can't get over hers.The whole virginity thing was a big deal for me. Even in university I had many chances to sleep around but I never did. Even after being heartbroken by a short-term girlfriend, I didn't go on a rampage. I never slept around because I didn't want to jeapordize anything when I finally met that special girl I wanted. I waited many years and I finally met her when I was 24.My girlfriend has been with two guys before me - she lost her virginity at 18. One was her ex-boyfriend of over 2 years (who I coincidentally know) and another was one of her really good friends (when they hooked up, it was under a circumstance that I question her judgment about). My trouble is that I wanted to save everything for that first amazing girl in my life and it really hurts that she could not have done the same for me. I shouldn't have expected the same back from her and its not her fault and I know she shouldn't feel bad about it but it really hurts anyway.I've talked to her quite a bit about it but it always makes her feel sad. I don't want to prod further and I know its not my place. It really sucks that she had to bring up the past. I haven't told her she was my first. I know two guys before me really isn't anything in today's world but it feels like a lot for me.Everything I do with her is new, unique and special to me and I am insecure and feel like its not the same for her when with me. I feel undercut.She's a really sweet girl, an amazing girlfriend and I really want this relationship to work out. But sometimes when we talk and I start thinking about places she's been with other guys, things that she's done, it really hurts. My chest pains at the thought of it all. I don't want something like this to stop this relationship from progressing but I can't stop feeling the way I do. I feel like I shouldn't have these feelings in a relationship, I should be at ease, I should feel at home with her - but I can't. Please help.
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female
reader, aphexinfinite  +, writes (10 March 2010):
 look, your upset that its not gonna be the same both ways but she ddnt know you and well their arnt that many people who wait these days and fall down a path they think is right. this is your issue not hers. she cant rewrite her life to suit you. i know it might seem harsh but really its the reality of the world today..look every person is different more so when it comes down to that special thing no men are the same and trust me. maybe she wished she hadnt done it like many women. but sometimes things happen and you need to get over this or you will upset her to the point were she wont feel happy in this relationship and their wont be too much to salvage. i cant see how this hurts you your hurting yourself by thinking about it. god if every man acted this way their be mass suicides! you need to look at the future or the past will haunt you and it wont be nice when it catches up.. your at a turning point you either move yourself forward or end this relationship personally i think you need to deal with this and perhaps this relationship can get better but this is nothing to do with her this is all you! you have let it affect you and now your letting it destroy the future you two can have together im not saying it will be easy to forget but you need to do something¬ you cant blame her for this! you chose to be with her knowing she had been with other men so why was it ok then and not now? ok perhaps she should of kept it to herself but im sure one day you would of asked. so stop thinking about them shes not with them and she is so not thinking of what she did with them because all this while your having these thoughts shes thinking of you! and how sad you are over something that cannot be controlled! you need to leash the demon and enjoy what you have or it might be gone tomorrow! good luck aphex xx
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