A
female
age
36-40,
*aurenreid
writes:So here is my story.....I have been with my partner for 5 years, the first few were rocky as we were both young and didn't know what we wanted, but after all that we moved in together and got on great.He would still often act like a young boy going out not coming home, getting blind drunk etc but never thought he would cheat on me.This year we were starting to get sick of eachother we started fighting more often and would never go a day without an argument.I am a very paranoid person with my own issues on self esteem and confidenceto deal with and often acuse my partner of cheating etc.It wasnt till xmas day this year when he was acting shifty wen i touched his phone and then i knew something was up, so that night I checked his phone and there was a message to a number sayin nite nite bla bla bla, so i confronted him and as you do had big fight I went to my mothers and he left.He didnt contact me on boxing day, I never felt so stupid that day I was a wreck, The next day he eventually contacted me saying it was a stupid text it didnt mean a thing and he hasnt physically cheated on me.Anyways we went away few days after this he sold his phone so didnt need to worry about this, BUT he still had his work fone so a week later i looked throw this and seen he was still contacting her on boxing day and day after when he didnt even bother to contact me, He said it was because he knew i wudnt want anything to do with him, But he could have least tryed.Its done with now and decided to take him back and we are gonna try to work things out, i know he hasnt physically cheated but can't help feel so betrayed as i had a misscarage week before all this happened and he had given his number to some girl at the pub.I just feel so hurt and betrayed and cant get it out my mind, my stomach hurts everytime I think of it.I love him to bits and want to be with him we are even moving away to get a fresh start with everything.How can I stop these feelings sometimes I wanna punch him in the face, I'm still myself not over this some people are saying finish it and some are saying its only texting, but i still feel horrid.Any help please.....What can I do to trust him again....
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (19 January 2011):
 hi
the miscarriage and him text-cheating ONE WEEK LATER and the continuing this secretly on his work phone are issues that have not been resolved for you, that's why you feel like punching him. i do not even think that moving away will solve this.
do you think the miscarriage has caused him to go off the rails? or might he have been a player already? and will he continue to be one?
i notice in your post you said that you are a paranoid person (is that your description of yourself or HIS?) what reason have you had in the past to accuse him of cheating? the arguing, getting drunk and staying out all night are bad points in my opinion. does he have any good ones?
if you make a list of his good and bad qualities and i mean write this down on paper to make it more clear to yourself, if his good points are good enough to make you stick around: get help (couples counselling - you can get this free if you see your doctor or 'relate' marriage guidance - is not only for married couples)to build that trust again, but from what you have said in your post, the trust was not even there to start with.
if you can not find any worthwhile reasons to stay with him, and by this, don't include: "i don't want to be alone" or "he is fit", if you don't have good enough reason to stick with him, let him go, get your life and your peace of mind back. just one more thing, but i suppose you have thought about this already, IF it was more than text-cheating, do you really think he would man enough to admit it to you?
xx
A
male
reader, PortOr  +, writes (19 January 2011):
 You are an emotional person. I think he is a player as well.... but for your health sake, you need to have a counsellor. Reduce your emotional imbalance... Dont drive him to hate you by being emotional always .... also get your message accross that you wont be accepting... also talk to someone in a way that he hears that you trust him a lot and show that you are a happy person .... get the message that you trust him subconciously to him :) .... it will surely work
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