A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do I stop my husband from beating me all the time? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): Hi how are you doing?
Were you able to tell anyone? Or try the link?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2008): Hunny have you tryed that link I sent you, This is the only help available as far as I can see...I was badly beaten and abused love he wont stop..My husband didnt show his true colours untill we were married love....YOU HAVE TO GET SOME HELP! Try that number if you can TAKE CARE WITH LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2008): I can't even imagine what it is like when you are expected to endure whatever comes because of your marriage.I know you need him financially as well.It might a god send if you cannot get pregnant! You're son/daughter may not fare much better.Please don't give up hope. I know hope seems dangerous but keep looking for a way out. I really wish I understood more about your situation. I have a cousin who works with domestic violence victims and I would love to ask her if there is anything you can do... I know you feel incredible guilty reaching out to your parents, but perhaps you should reconsider telling them anything. I know when my parents found out about the abuse I suffered in a relationship, they helped me incredibly. It did take a toll on them, but they are so happy now that I came to them! Don't be afraid to reach out. Maybe there is someone at work, or a friend... It's somewhere to start... Maybe your parents aren't the right ones to approach. You know them better than I do. Just please tell someone and don't suffer in silence. And when it comes down to it, just pray. Pray that you'll find peace. You will. Please stay in touch and I will try to find out more for you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008): Dear All, Thanks for you wonderful answers and suggestions. I REALLY DO APPRECIATE THEM ALL .Sincerly speaking i feel hopeless now , i cry everday .. i work but not with enough money to live on my own. It is so sad as this is just a year and some months marriage , i am struggling with the emotional setbacks that comes with the fact that there is no baby yet , and my husband is making matter worst by his beatings of at least one in a week .He hadly communicates with me ,so there is no way we can talk about this, and for sometime now i observe that he is cheating on me e.g hides his phones,i have read some text msgs from the girlfriend , have read there online chat , i am from a place where culture makes me stick to marriage now matter what comes, my mother and father are quite emotional and runs high Blood Pressure and certainly do not need such news now . I AM TIRED OF MY WORLD .I love my husband and what the best for my marriage . please what do i do as even after evry episode of the beating he will apologize and still have it done again . The brother recently told me used to beat the ex-girlfriend and that was why she left but he was able to hide this part of his character during the peiod of our 2years courtship/dating .He knows our culture, which entails me not living my marriage , so i guess that he way he feels i cannot do anything or leave him.
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A
female
reader, Aunt tilly  +, writes (1 May 2008):
 You have to stop this man hurting you before it is to late. Try to find out if you have a women's refuge, you may be able to get this onfo from your local council offices if you have them. They can offer you shelter and can give you lots of other advice on your finances and finding somewhere else to live. You could also try consulting someone on the legal side of your problem, there are places that help women in your situation and they do not charge for their services. You must seek help quickly. Try and be strong I know its hard, but if you have children you have to do it for their sake. They need their mum. Good luck and look after yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008): Hi Hunny
Ive been there but not like you with no help available Ive found a link sweetheart with some numbers and information this is the only help in your country.....
http://www.ledapnigeria.org/contactus.htm
I have read how hard it is and how women are treated and thought of and my heart goes out to you, You cant pick up the phone and call the police, If you try this number if you can I do hope you can hunny they I hope can give you so much more advise, look to the right of the page it has womens rights love I do hope this has helped a little MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, BigSis +, writes (1 May 2008):
 It's all well amd good telling someone to pack up and just leave.
Unless you've been in that situation yourself, you'll find it's probably one of the hardest things you can ever do. For many reasons I couldn't get out of mine, with both my abusive partners.
I had children, but one of the reasons I couldn't 'just walk away' was I had been threatened, to the point where I was afraid of my life, and the other was financial, how was I going to survive? We're talking major upheaval here, and it's bloody hard. That's just two of the reasons.
Like a couple of the aunties have already said, try and get in touch with the authorities, see what they advise you to do. You haven't said if you have children or not. Do you not have family that can help with this and possibly give you shelter or at least step in there for you?
I really feel for you, but unless you tell someone in authority, your husband will continue beating you, and quite honestly ~ you may end up with mental and physical scarring that will take a long time to heal, if ever.
You could try talking to him and teling him that you want it to stop and threaten divorce, but not knowing what he's really like as a person, he could turn even nastier.
The law in this country is very accomodating to women in your position and don't take this kind of treatment of women lightly. So help is pretty easy to come by. By in Nigeria it could be a completely different story.
I sincerely hope you get this problem sorted for your sake, before it's too late.
You take extra good care of yourself please, and be strong.
BigSis
xXx
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A
female
reader, Lady lilly  +, writes (1 May 2008):
Tell some-one else now! make sure others know so you aren't alone and make a plan to get out !!You are worth so much more! Be strong start living NOW and LEAVE!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008): And I realized you are from Nigeria. I don't know much about your story or if you are able to leave. Please let us know how you're doing!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008): Make a plan to leave ASAP. Be so very careful.It is not within your power to stop him from doing what he's doing. All the love in the world will not give him what he needs to stop. You can't give him what he needs. Trust me. I know people who hurt others.Your self-worth must be at zero now after taking a few beatings.. so you feel more locked into staying. YOU DON'T NEED TO STAY!!!!!!!!! You feel you need him and love him--that is because he's gotten himself into your head.All you can do is get somewhere safe. I'm so very sorry to hear this is happening to you. I am also so very worried about you and you need to get out before it's too late. Please, please, please.
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A
female
reader, BedrockBMW  +, writes (1 May 2008):
 That only thing you can do is leave. Period. Point Blank.
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A
female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (30 April 2008):
 LEAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (30 April 2008):
 I don't know what laws you have in Nigeria, but I assume they would be as useful as the ones we have over here, which is to say they wouldn't be very useful, and sometimes would even be stupid.
If you're the average Third World woman, leaving your husband isn't that easy, particularly if you have small children. Very likely, this husband who beats you is also the only breadwinner in the family, and you have more than two or three children to feed.
The unfortunate thing in these lands of ours is that we can't really give you a better advice than leaving him. If you called the Police, maybe he would be sent to jail or something, and that would put you in the very same situation as if he had gone with another woman or you had left him: that is, children to feed, no job, no money.
I think you should try to find yourself another way to do for a living without him. Then you can leave him. Otherwise, he won't stop.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (30 April 2008):
 Walk away from the whole thing before he does some damage you may not walk away from. Go to stay with family of friends, and while you are at it report him to the authorities. I think that any man who raises a hand to a woman is just a plain coward. You can do so much better than this, you must leave him sooner rather than later, the longer you leave it the harder it will get.
k
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female
reader, brooke5426 +, writes (30 April 2008):
 Leave him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008): Theres only one way to stop it, fortunately its very easy. Get up, walk out the house, close the door behind you, do not go back.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (30 April 2008):
 By not being there.
Nigeria? No idea if it has support for battered wives but in the west I would advice you to seek shelter and inform the police.
Get out of the house and out of the marriage if you can.
If you really can't your only hope is to try and find out what his trigger is to make him hit you and try and avoid that but that is often impossible as abusive partners often take their own frustrations with daily life out on their partner. Somebody cuts him off in traffic, you get a punch in the face. What can you do? Nothing except not be there to be beaten.
Get out because it won't get better no matter what you do.
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A
female
reader, shania +, writes (30 April 2008):
 How do you stop him from beating you?.....Get out now...walk away, you have to leave him otherwise the next time he could kill you. No man should hit a woman, he doesn't love you, he wants to control you. Isn't there any place you can stay,where someone could support you? Either your parents or a friend until you can sort yourself out. Please leave him, he wont change, he's a thug and a bully.
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A
male
reader, FabJai +, writes (30 April 2008):
 There is nothing that YOU can do to fix this situation. You need to contact the local authorities and get yourself to a woman's shelter or a family member's home. If he is beating you then he has a problem he needs to get help for and your first priority should be to get yourself and any children you have to safety. Please do not stay around hoping he will stop.
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