A
female
age
30-35,
*abyyybre
writes:so i have this boyfriend who i think is just amazing in everyway, int he beginning of our relationship i was kinda torn between him and my fiance who i was going to marry. i was completely honest with him about the whole thing and told him that i was about to get married but i was waiting to see if my fiance would stop doing meth, and he didnt so i ended up with my boyfriend. i seriously dont find anyone more attractive looking then my boyfriend i love him dearly but the only thing is hes so controlling. i am a very nice friendly person and i have alot of friends. anyways my boyfriend has gotten so controllign i cant have any friends, well i mean guy friends. i told him he should trust me but he says he just doesnt trust other guys and all they want is to get into my pants. i recently had a job that i quit cause my boss hit on me and called me all the time and my boyfriend got mad at me for it and blamed it on me for talking to him, but i mean he was my boss wtf? anyways its killing me inside cause i cant be a regular girla dn ahve friends cant ever be around any guys or anything cause soemone might hit on me or soemthign i cant even hangout with my cousin and his friend to go job searching cause his friend might like me, i cant ahngout with my bestfriend cause he says her bf might like me, and if i ever get in a bad situation somehow and soemone says somethign to em or soemthing im always the one to blame, this is all getting to me i love my boyfriend but how do i get him to stop being so worried and controlling, how do i talk to him about this?
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female
reader, :):):)  +, writes (2 September 2008):
Be firm. Tell him he is unreasonable and that this must stop now. Do not give into his demands. If he complains, then end your relationship.
A relationship means nothing without trust and openess. It is easy to fall into the trap of a controlling partner and can often lead to more serious problems so please leave if he doesn't change his ways. You deserve better x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2008): Smart move getting rid of the guy who was on meth! You have to blunt, straightup with him and communicate that you can't live in this way. You need your freedom to have friends. That is healthy to want that. You have a bf there who cannot trust, dear. When he is this controlling, he is filled with fear. By controlling you and what yuou do, his fears are kept at bay. Unfortunately, this behavior is wrong and it will seriously harm your relationship and apparently, it has already cast doubts in your mind. If he's living with all these doubts, mistrust, fears and suspicions, this not only makes him feel insecure and anxious, but more importantly, it's wreaking havoc on his self-esteem. He's the only one who can get these toxic feeling under control and only then, can trust ever be re-established. But...it's his choice to behave this way and his choice to have this behaviour dealt with. As for you, being outgoing and friendly, is a gift and you are unique and he needs to understand this is just who you are. Either he accepts you as is or not. I suggest you sit him down and make him aware of this. You need to put boundaries on his controlling behaviors. I am concerned that he may be so used to coping with his fears with control that he may not know of other ways to behave and this could make a future with him, very grim for you. He may need some outside help to cope, such as counselling and I think people can change, if they choose to. . If he doesn't want to make changes, then you need to leave this relationship because his dysfunctional behaviours will take you down into the depths of despair. Make him own his decisions in the way he's treating you like this. Never allow this. I would tell him that. I also want to suggest to you, that you can be strong and empower your life with the guys you date. You had the strength to get out of a relationship with a meth addict. Now you need to be really strong and make a decision with this guy. Either he gets help or you walk. And if you do, always choose wisely whom you allow in your life. Good luck, dear.
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