| A
age
30-35,
*
writes: Its forever since I've been facing this problem. I'm actually pretty low on self esteem and confidence. I'm pretty, good with my subject and good at things which I have pursued. Whenever I think of the things I have accomplished I feel good but when I step out of the house, when I'm with my friends, or with a totally new group of people, I admire them alright but I start feeling all conscious, inferior and under confident.I don't easily mingle with people as I'm more of an introvert while other friends of mine are extremely social and they make friends in no time. Seeing them makes me want to be like them, but its just not possible. Then I feel that I'm giving up who I am. This really hampers my own personality...people think I'm snobby and don't get to know the real me.I mean I know I shouldn't be like this but you know its very hard to actually just suddenly turn social from being a total asocial person.Its really not that I lack any quality, its only when I'm with other people I have no self confidence to withhold my own personality. And so all these small insignificant insecurities start welling up...like I'm fat etc.Its very disappointing and I don't want to continue this way. I don't want to feel inferior to people, whoever they may be. I want to feel at par with them.Please Help.
View related questions:
confidence, self esteem Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (5 November 2009):
 Combined with your low self esteem you may be suffering from Social Anxiety Disorder.
It is more common than you think. It not discussed more because not everyone has the courage to admit it or recognise there is something wrong, so well done for asking for advice.
Meditation is a good way to reassure yourself that you are an equal. Almost reprogramme your mind that there is nothing to fear in crowds.
There are lots of self aid books and methods you can try to learn self confidence. But no amount of advice will change the way you feel, only you can do that. The beauty about all this is that you can do this, you can be as happy and feel as confident as you want, just by allowing yourself to feel good, don't be so hard on your self.
You have taken the first step into improving your feelings by seeking help. Keep going. You owe it to yourself! You only get one chance in this life, so take charge.
Nobody is better or worse, we are all equals. Being pretty does not guarantee you confidence or social skills.
As to being perceived as snobby, when you feel inferior when facing people, just remember to smile. A smiles goes a long way even to difuse a difficult situation. Let the other person talk. You do not have to be the centre of attention to be sociable or be as bubbly as your friends, go for quality over quantity. Be yourself and smile again.
When you don't feel confident it could also be that you are sensitive, picking up other peoples insecurities, so you feel what they feel. This is called being an Empath, does not have to be bad, just need just twicking in controlling it and recognizing that the pain is not yours. Perseverance is the key here and you have to keep working at it.
When the feeling is very intense excuse yourself and leave the room, for a few minutes and breath deeply before going back in. Remind yourself then that avoiding mingling and staying silent will not make you feel better, reassure yourself that you deserve to have fun, you deserve to be free of sad self abusive thoughts, replace these thoughts with something funny and happy. Go back into the room and Smile. The other person natural reaction is to smile back and always helps to break the ice.
Good luck
Peace and Love
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (5 November 2009):
I konw how you feel. I used to be like this too, and sometimes still am. You look at yourself when you're alone, and you think it's all okay, then you make the mistake of comparing youreslf to everyone else and you think you're inferior. The good news is that you're not at all. They're probably the same as you in worrying about themselves all the time and worrying about whether they fit in. You don't need to compare yourself to them, because you great as you are. If you're not an outgoing person, then be there as a good listener and get to know people through listening to them and gently speaking about yourself. Take your time getting to know people. All your friends who make friends easily and quickly might not get to know them. Don't compare yourself. That's not easy to do, but you need to try. Also, perhaps look back at your past. Have you been bullied, or left to feel insecure? If you can face your past and see if there's something there, then you can be happier for yourself. Good luck
...............................
|
