A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have cheated on my girlfriend after 3years of being together, i kissed another girl. Can anyone help me get rid of the guilt that continuosly pesters me every second and every hour. Im struggling to forgive myself and it is affecting my self-esteem, I know what I did was wrong, but i just cant seem to move forward.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2010): if you need some advice or anonymous psychological assistance, then you can get it at http://anonymous-post.com
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): i am a ex big time player i cheeted with all types of girls and kissing was not the end my last relationship i cheated with over 15 people multiple times i did not feel bad at all! now im engadged and last year just before our one year anniversary i started cheeting for 2 months this went on i felt horrible i felt like i wanted to die and knew it was becouse i was in love i did not hessitate after i started feeling this i ended the affair and told my fiancee flat out she knew my past but yet did not expect it she was extreamly angry we did not break up now she dont trust me and i dont blame her ....what im trying to say is you love her i know you do becouse of that feeling TELL HER!!! it was only a kiss but she will probley flip out tell her how you have been feeling since you did it and take my advice if this is love never do it again if drinking made u do it before dont drink without her whatever it was avoid pleas trust me on this it will take her time to get over but she eventualy will feel the same for you as she did prior if not then it was not ment to be but i know if you tell her you will feel better
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A
female
reader, keishaoc09  +, writes (25 July 2010):
well i think u should tell her definately..even tho she might be shocked at first..but she wll appreciate the fact that u told her..and she would appreciate ur honesty...u probaly should immediately too because us females detect cheating very quickly..and by you being guilty make it even easier for her to suspect something...and if u keep putting it off..shes gonna think u slept with her...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2010): Good people do make mistakes... However it's how you deal with those mistakes once they are made. Be honest it's always the best way and have enough respect for your girlfriend to let her decide weither or not she would like to continue the relationship. The truth always comes out in the end anyway and women have much more respect for men who man up when it's their time to rather than coward or worse yet taking your guilt out on her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010): Good people do make mistakes. I did and its the biggest regret of my life but what's happened has happened and I can't change it no matter how much I want to !! I owe it to my girlfriend to make her the happiest girl on the planet now which is what I'm trying to do. if you did it in the first place maybe she isn't the one. I know I made a mistake but it doesn't stop me loving her through and through and you owe it to her to make her happy. Maybe if you tell her she would be understanding, if you leave it and then say that a year ago I made. A. Mistake its so long in the past. Take time apart and you will get over it. Don't let it rule your life. Its a big a deal as you make it
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): Tell your girlfriend. Tell her how sorry you are, and get it off your chest. You both need to be awarem and it will help you get over it
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): Hey man I did the same thing the other night. I've been w/ her for 1 year about and I kissed another girl. Nothing big right? like no sex or anything, but you're right, it still feels shitty. You're not alone pal. Everyone f***s up sometimes, you and me included. I think the people telling you to tough it out are right. Telling her would be no good, and the 'guilt' will make u stronger (even if that sounds cliche).
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male
reader, natedawg61 +, writes (16 December 2008):
If you cheated on your girlfriend you should break up with her and when she asks why, you tell her, that you cheated on her but feel so guilty you had to break up with her and say your sorry.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): Hey man just cheat on your girl again.. better yet. Sleep with the other chick. Your obviously not happy in the sack with your lady..so you need to have someone else to take care of that area. Trust me i do it plenty of times.. the hell with these womans ideas. What do they know. Just bang that chick twice! then go home and bang the shit out of your girl and see which one you like better
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A
female
reader, ladybug  +, writes (16 September 2007):
 tell the whole thing, admit you were wrong, ask for forgiveness and and dont do it again!
goodluck!!!
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A
male
reader, Kohjakza  +, writes (15 September 2007):
unlike these other people, I think you did cheat, so remember it always and do not repeat!!!, it will make you stronger if you let that experience help you avoid doing it again. Learn from your mistakes friend, and you will be stronger for it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2007): i think that as some of the other people have already said you only kissed her and nothing else. and right after that you felt guilty which is the only normal reaction. you seem like you really love your girlfriend and that's probably why you didn't take it further with this other girl. stop worrying i think that your girlfriend is lucky to have a guy like you cos most of them would have gone further in the ceating. everyone makes mistakes now and again.
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (12 September 2007):
 i agree with brooke,if there is no chance of her finding out then dont tell her.at least you only kissed the girl not slept with her,and you are feeling regret and guilt which means you know you made a mistake and you wouldnt do it again.because of wat you did,yes,you need to feel guilt - if you didnt it would show that you would do it again and feel nothing for your girlfriend.the guilt will go away but for the time being you wil have to deal.just remember that you have something amazing with your girlfriend and cheating is just not worth it at all.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): the female reader that responded to my question I just want say thanks for replying back, its hard to get good advice from people that you know. Its good to get an outside perspective. I will definetly try to move on and by the way. I did tell my girlfriend about what happened, she just knew that i was out all night with my mates and knew that i kissed another girl, so i couldnt lie to her. Sometimes honesty is the best policy, but i suppose then its how you deal with it...I will definetly try to move on, thanks for the advice
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female
reader, brooke5426  +, writes (12 September 2007):
 im sorry and i hope this doesnt sound mean in any way but i think you deserve this guilt. it is nothing compared to the hurt she will feel if she finds out (assuming she doesnt know already). And if she doesnt know, think about whether or not someone else is likely to tell her. if the girl you kissed knows her, or knows people who know her and it will somehow get back to her then you need to own up. because the only thing worse than being cheated on is feeling like you are the last person to know you were cheated on.
but if it was a random girl and nobody else knows about it and your girlfriend wont find out then dont tell her. yes it probably would take away your guilt somewhat but it would hurt her so much and it sounds to me like you have learned your lesson and are sorry for what you did so there is no need to destroy what you have for something you will never do again because i'm sure you KNOW that you have made a mistake and wont repeat it, she will only have your word for it and that may not be enough since you have broken her trust already.
but as for the guilt, you just have to live with it im afraid. you brought it on yourself and you did it to yourself so you just have to find a way to get through it. it wont last forever, eventually you will move on and move past it but i hope you will remember how this feels and that absolutely no good will come out of cheating EVER! so learn from it, take the emotional punishment you deserve and hope that karma doesnt come back to bite you.
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female
reader, MonDoc  +, writes (12 September 2007):
Guilt = regret.
Guilt is not necessarily a bad thing because it lets you know that it's not a choice you want to repeat... it helps you learn.
So now you have to accept that you did the wrong thing, but realise it's over now - it's in the past!!
Use the experience to learn & grow ... don't let this mistake define you & consume you because by doing that, you're making another mistake - not learning (constructively) from a bad choice.
I know it's a bit of a cop-out, but did you ever think that this was meant to happen so you could truly know how much your girlfriend means to you? Sometimes we drift along in our relationships, especially after a few years together, taking it for granted & it takes something like the thought of losing our beloved to make us pull up our socks!
So, if this has helped you see how special your girl is to you, then use this as a positive (albeit painful) experience ... not the kissing, but the lesson.
Don't keep replaying that kiss over in your head, but do keep the thought of how you feel about your girlfriend there - how it's really solidified that for you.
Basically, you can be your own judge & jury - pass appropriate sentence & rehabilation for yourself, but don't be your own executioner -- it's so unnecessary & unproductive.
And one more thing -- do something nice for your girl - let her know OFTEN how special she is to you - don't allow yourself to take her for granted again any time soon. You'll find your happiness / confidence will come back bit-by-bit as you start to see how happy you make her by the little things you do for her.
You CAN come out of this in a positive way ... it's all in your hands!
All the best!
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A
female
reader, L.O.S.E.R.  +, writes (12 September 2007):
 Hey macho man,what's the deal?You kissed another girl and it was wrong thing to do.Ok,but it seems to me like you haven't toled her yet,huh?(Cause if you did tell her already you forgot to mention her reaction about it).Anyway I'll quote Charlie Brown on this: "What you don't know can't hurt you";)Why must you ruin everything you have together by making YOURSELF at ease?Do you want her to know that cause of her or cause of your relief?After all,kiss ain't such a big cheat as you made it seem-what if,shit happens.About your guilt I agree with Waterloo and that's your problem only.When you start feeling ok again there's gonna be a lesser chance to repeat the same mistake.Start moving forward NOW-it's not like you killed anyone:)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): I agree with waterloo in alot of ways. I firmly believe that there really is no excuse for cheating. You did it and now that you feel guilty perhaps you realise it wasn't worth it?? I don't know. Maybe it is a lesson for you to keep in mind for the future.
The guilt is something that generally I think is hard to overcome unless you just do the "right" thing and end it. Because right now you just believe you are not worthy of her and you are never going to stop feeling that way until you lose her and then you will feel like justice was done, to some extent. Did she forgive you?? Is that why you feel guilty?? Or do you feel gulty cause she still doesn't know??
We all make mistakes in life. The most imprtant thing about mistakes is that we LEARN from them and learn to be better next time. So ideally you should stop dwelling and punishing yourself for this mistake and instead use it as a tool for growth and learning so that you never commit the mistake again.
I do, however, think that it will be hard for you to do this if you are still with her. Because you did make a mistake with her and she will always remind you of that mistake and remind you of your guilt. (I am not saying she is throwing it in your face all the time, I am just saying that just being around her in general is a constant reminder of your mistake). So that is something to think about. Your best bet (and I am being totally serious that you should really do this) is take a break from this relationship. Just be without each other for a while. You cannot heal yourself with her around you all the time. You need time on your own to forgive yourself and to get past this. Once you feel better and feel like you can forgive yourself (and this WILL happen if you are on your own and do some thinking and reflection on your own) then maybe if you guys really love each other you guys could try to work things out in the future. You need to grow from this experience and become almost like a new person. And it is impossible to do this with her by your side.
But if you guys stay together, this is not going to happen and the guilt will just keep bugging you. So take a break. Be strong. Let go right now and heal yourself so you can get over this. You will be a much better person and you will feel better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): In my experience, you'll never forgive yourself. Even if she does. If you love her so much though, why did you do it? Have you told her about it? It helps to be honest & let her know what you did believe it or not.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): You are looking to us for forgiveness and it isn't going to come. I for one, would not let you off the hook, you did wrong and need to go through this suffering.
Take care
xx
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A
female
reader, becca07 +, writes (12 September 2007):
 you will need to try an persuade her that you are extremly sorry. you can do this by buying her flowers or somthing like that. if she ain't the type for stuff like that then you could write her a letter saying that it's her you will ever love and ask for her forgivness for your stupid mistake. you could also do something really romantic, something that can really touch her. if she won't have any of that and she is convince that everything is over then just try an not talk to her for a while. after a while ring her up and see if she will give you a second chance. if she won't then i'm afraid you'll have to move on. but try my advice, and dont give up on her that easily.
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