A
male
age
26-29,
*rBigShot110
writes:Hey everyone. So I've been posting here for quite a while about all of my struggles with attracting women. I think I may finally realize what's been going on. I come on too strong and over analyze things on pretty much every attempt. It's just who I am. I'm a 0-100 type of guy. I'm a go getter, I'm aggressive. I can be successful wherever I want and my personality has gotten me into a great position for someone my age. Only thing is, this doesn't work with women and dating in general. I don't know how to turn it off, and I really don't want to because it's who I am. I get along with well with pretty much everybody but when it comes to pursuing romance I screw it up almost every time with the only exceptions being a simple lack of interest. I'm always thinking of the end goal, as I do with everything else in life. In this case it's sex most of the time, which causes me to disregard girls' personalities and and other human aspects and simply go for the jugular (not in a creepy overly sexual manner, just being impatient and pushing for dates too soon). My question is, how to I pull back to a healthy level of aggression that allows me to think clearly, be in the moment, and be attractive? When I've tried dialing the pressure down in the past, I end up boring women. What can I do to make sure I don't lose myself when I'm drunk with lust or feeling really lonely/desperate? I'm obviously starved of female attention (no female friends either lol). How can I pursue women in moderation? I've got everything going for me except this area of my life and I need to learn what to do without being so controlling and manipulative of the outcome. Thanks everyone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2017): MrBigShot110 you'll have to learn by trial and error.
You shoot down everyone's advice; so why do you ask?
Some things come to you with practice. You're very young, apparently aggressive; and awkward with women. I think it's going to be a rocky-road for you; because you have to learn by experience. That must include "the hard-way!"
You must learn to humble yourself.
What works in getting what you want, doesn't apply to women. You get what they want to give you. They see your over-confidence as narcissism or conceit.
If you push or try to manipulate them, and they figure it out. You scorn them. They're not stupid; and perhaps you're learning that in your own way. You don't accept advice well at all; so I trust women will teach you all you need to know; or you will be a very lonely Mr. Big Shot.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 March 2017):
 Do you have any close male friends? Or are you more of the successful loner type?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 March 2017):
 It is VERY hard to give you advice when you don't REALLY go into detail on how and where you "fail" with women.
I honestly don't think many women like an "aggressive" approach. Even if you don't mean aggressive = violent - if you mean NOT taking "no or no thanks" for an answer or the idiot's approach to "no means yes" (which can be construed as aggressive as well as disrespectful) - then I can see WHY you fail.
YOU presume that women are SO utterly different from men. We really aren't.
Do you EVER just watch people? Like how other men interacts with women? How women interacts with men?
Why not SIMPLY start by making conversation with women (without having an ulterior motive)? Get GOOD at talking to women. (and men for that matter).
What subjects do you "break the ice" with?
WHERE do you try and hit on women or talk to them?
Are you going for the "prettiest" woman in the room because you think THAT is who you should be able to "catch"?
Are you trying to IMPRESS them with your achievements, money or status? Or are you trying to have a DECENT conversation with another human being?
CAN you carry on a polite conversation with random strangers? Do you ever try? Small talk, so to speak.
You give so little info it's impossible to give you a useful answer, to be frank.
You have YOUTH on your side, though, and with that I mean you can LEARN to be better at just about anything. If you are so amazing as you say, that should be your next goal.
There is no quick fix here. No magic words we can give you that will make women gravitate towards you, if your behavior repels them.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (15 March 2017):
I'm sorry you haven't found the advice you've been given helpful.
I think the guys who answered you gave you quite good advice - now that you've identified where you go wrong, it's a case of having the will-power NOT to repeat it. So if you find yourself being pushy an impatient with a woman you have to think "I'm doing X again. This behaviour does me no good. I am going to stop doing X right now"
It's a shame you don't have any female friends but what about male friends? Could you ask any of them how you come across to others generally.
Because you DO sound very arrogant, if you truly believe "people who pursue what they want with reckless abandon typically don't fail". In my experience they DO fail - in style if they are "reckless". Sure, sucessful go-getters don't usually give up easily and often get what they want but that's because they can control their actions and temper their behaviour if plan A doesn't work. They may take risks - but they aren't reckless; they know when to stop.
What I also picked out of your original post is that you end up boring girls if you turn the "aggressiveness" down. So what do you talk to girls about? What are you hobbies or interests? I've met guys like you and underneath the bravado, they were often very boring - it's like chasing girls was their only hobby and they had very little else to talk about.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2017): Hi Mr Successful,I'm going to give a different take on responding. Congrats on everything you have achieved in your young life thus far. Your only frustration: women. I think you're only pursuing them when you're lonely or bored or frustrated and then only for the end goal: sex. Why don't you approach it from seeking a relationship. Something that will give meaning in your personal life. Someone who can share in your successes and be proud of you. There is nothing wrong with being straight forward, eager, etc but if you disregard ladies' personalities just for your end goal of sex, you will continue lacking fulfillment in your dealings with women. The right one is out there, waiting for a take-charge guy like you BUT you have to CARE about them. It's not all about money. Your personality and how you treat others matters more. Good luck. Come back one day when you've found her.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (15 March 2017):
 You say: 'I simply meant that people who pursue what they want with reckless abandon typically don't fail'.
That simply isn't the case. If you have been taught that then you have been taught wrongly. It might work sometimes. However with anyone who is your match they will look at you with incredulity, mirth, and possibly compassion.
You have even given yourself the title, MrBigShot110. After all you have said I don't see that as humour.
You need a dose of humility. Try working for an aid agency in Africa. Put your drive to good use. I think a woman might find that attractive.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2017): Try being open-minded and listen to what the women have told you.
I've read some of your previous posts, and you don't take advice very well. You seem to enjoy telling everyone how ineffective their advice is for you. Maybe you have a problem in that area as well. You only want people to say what you want to hear.
You're receiving advice from very astute and intelligent women who are trying to help you.
You claim that you are successful at whatever you do. Then through trial and error women will teach you how to approach them, and then how to behave once you have one.
You'll just keep failing at it until you get it right.
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (14 March 2017):
I'll be brutally honest with you, I find this a very difficult question to answer because I would warn any woman to give a man like you a very wide berth indeed. You are a grown ass man, you shouldn't need to be taught patience with women (or anyone for that matter). You shouldn't need lessons in not being aggressive or controlling or manipulative.
It doesn't actually sound like you think those traits are in any way bad either, you're just annoyed that you're not getting what you want (sex) because of them. So my advice to you is to seen therapy to work out why you're the way you are and whether there is any way you can become a more empathetic and understanding person in general. THEN you can start to work on your approach with women.
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A
male
reader, MrBigShot110 +, writes (14 March 2017):
MrBigShot110 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo far, you have barely answered my question. In fact, I feel like you've pretty much only callled me a jerk. If I was overly egotistical I wouldn't have the humility to admit that there are times where I do disregard others. And I'm not bragging about my accomplishments, maybe I chose the wrong words. I simply meant that people who pursue what they want with reckless abandon typically don't fail. It's not that I don't care about others, I just don't know how to temper my pursuit which is what the question was in the first place. I was looking for tips on being more patient with women and using moderation with my advances. While I appreciate the constructive criticism, it didn't answer my question in the way I was looking for. Thank you guys for your responses though.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2017): Do you have sisters ?? Can you spend time with a female any or talk with some or post to an agony aunt here and just chat a bit . You need to learn to converse to find fun in chatting just chatting .. Joking winding the other person being witty . Girls want you to lust after them .. of course we do .. without that it would be like a sibling relationship what we don't want is you demanding and controlling when you get it that is a no no .. and will turn girls right off .. we are not pieces of meat in displays with rare tattooed on our butts .. we are people with personalities and you do do do do .. need to get to know us .I detest when a guy walks up and says " I like you " my response is " you don't know me ;you like what you see " and normally they start drooling and they think by nodding or going yea I do that for me is a turn on haha .. Oo dear if your doing this then you need to learn the act of good witty conversation .. please feel free to ask someone here .
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2017): If being rejected and avoided by females isn't working, what can we tell you? Ever heard of self-restraint?
Use some common-sense. Over-aggressive behavior turns people off. It doesn't work when it comes to romance; unless that's what she likes in a guy. Most women don't like being rushed or pushed. You don't insist on anything when a lady says NO! This includes dates, sex, or anything else.
Don't presume to be so smart or so successful; if you don't have self-control or practice self-discipline. Stop inflating your ego by telling yourself how great you are at everything. That's narcissistic and egotistical, and you're starting to believe your own hype. Be level-headed. Throwing your weight around comes off badly with women; and they know right from the start you're not boyfriend material. You're just a boy too big for his britches in their eyes.
You're over-impressed with yourself, and women absolutely hate that!
Your ego is giving you a swelled-head, and you're giving-in to your over-developed sense of entitlement. Thinking you deserve whatever you want.
"I don't know how to turn it off, and I really don't want to because it's who I am."
The point is to bridle it and know when it is appropriate.
If you really don't want to, then that's your problem.
Use logic here, my friend. If you know the cause of the problem, then you know what you must do to resolve it. So far, women are solving it for you. They reject your advances and don't have to allow your aggressive behavior. You strike out! They will shoot you down like the Red Baron!
You are aware of the problem, so practice self-control. When you know you're going too far, when your engine is roaring too high; remind yourself of what happened when you did it in the past. It's boyish and immature behavior to come-on like gang-busters towards women; like you're god's gift. They'll set you straight every-time.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (14 March 2017):
It is really for you to learn the lesson. Some say we keep getting the same life lesson until we finally learn it. Then we move on to the next. The process never ends.
Now you have identified what you think is the problem, you have to learn ways to stop acting this way.
It seems that you need to develop compassion and a caring manner. If you keep taking then no-one will want to give.
As a rough example how would you behave with a house cat? Would you grab it by the scruff? Or would you wait for it to come to you?
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (14 March 2017):
 I think you should sees therapist- you're aware you have this problem of seeing everything including PEOPLE as conquests- that's NOT fair on them. Although you're probably teaching women the signs that a guy is jut trying to get them into bed so there's that lol...You obviously have an assertive personality but a therapist could help you acknowledge some humility and make you realise why you're this way.Why don't you start with writing down some things you can improve on? A weakness of ypurs? Nobody's perfect and maybe when you have more humility you'll be more in touch with others and in a better position to get tk KNOW them. Nobody wants to be used, remember that. If you meet a woman funny, witty attractive don't just take the icing and leave the cake.
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