A
female
age
41-50,
*edupgurl
writes:Hello, I am sooooo jealous with my boyfriend, and I dont know why. I Have never been jealouse with any of my past boyfriends. I started being jealous with this boyfriend at the 5 month mark I'd say. We've been together for 9 years now. And I get so jealous, if he even looks at another girl. Even naked girls on movies, and online. I could just tell in his eyes that hes checking them out. I think maybe since Im his first girlfriend, maybe thats why I am the way I am. i dont know, but it literally hurts me so much, and it hurts our relationship. Just the other day we were watching a movie, and these naked girls came out and he just kept looking and i was scrambling for the remote to change it. Anyway I ended up getting really really mad, and didnt talk to him the rest of the nigh, and told him I wanted to break up etc. I can't control it, and i hate it. And honestly I would leave him, but we have 2 kids together. How can I change and why do i get like this? :(
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010): eyes im just wondering if you and your hubby are watching something and nude guys come out ...do you close your eyes? because that would...oh never mind. i agree with bharat too...mal
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (8 February 2010):
 So q, do you or don't you agree with what bharat has said?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (8 February 2010):
I'm pretty sure I'm with bharat on this one....
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (8 February 2010):
 You can change your nature by learning few thing about feeling of jealousy.
1. Jealousy is only feeling, and as a feeling it responses quite mechanically, without consulting our logical mind.
2. You should learn to respect the 'LOGIC'. and, in turn you will control your negative feeling.
3. When male look at some nude pictures of female, or actual nude female before the eye, then it is only material which attract mind. Every beautiful thing do not turn automatically in to lovable relationship.
4. Female body is beautiful, aesthetically. It is beautiful even for female's eyes also. It is favorable object for painter, writer, ...but still as a material, and not as a spiritual being. Spiritual being came into being step by step, not at all at once.
5 See, love affairs of parent for their children, all parents love their children, even if they are not enough charming or even ugly, why? because children hold different type of intimacy.
So, just help to grow logical thinking, which will help you to control negative feelings.....best luck.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (8 February 2010):
 I forgot to add this: http://www.wikihow.com/Handle-Jealousy
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (8 February 2010):
There's no question that you need to get a handle on what's causing these jealous fits. Start reading around on the internet (at the very least -- a counsellor is a good idea, but it might help to do a little reading on your own). Also, a bookstore or library might be an excellent reference as well.
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A
female
reader, jc82 +, writes (8 February 2010):
 You need to find ways to reassure yourself, and try to dig deeper into what is really causing your feelings. Its probably not the fact that he has eyes, and happens to use them to look at things in front of him.
A temporary fix could be to try to catch yourself in the act of over-reacting. And try to calm yourself down as best as possible. Maybe when naked girl comes on TV, instead of freaking out and changing the channel, just hold his hand and count to ten. Just breathe, and know that he loves you.
And really, spend time thinking about other reasons this is bothering you so much. Also, you can't compare this relationship with old relationships, if you have been together for nine years and you are between 26 and 29, in your other relationships, you probably didn't really understand what jealousy even really was!
Good luck to you!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (8 February 2010):
This isn't about him checking out other girls, this is about your own insecurity. He can't help it if there are naked women on TV. So see a counsellor and get talking, otherwise you will lose him. There is something that is getting to you.
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