A
female
age
30-35,
*anielllllllllle
writes:me and my boyfriend have been together for 10 months and when it got to about 6 months, i became really jealous and annoyed over his past. we've both slept with the same amount of people and ive dated more than him, but his past really annoys me and i dont know why. it upsets me all the time and just last night, i got all worked up because when he went devon a year and a half ago, i got all upset because he left 2 pictures of them together on myspace even though he only knew her for 1/2 weeks. this really upsets me and i dont know what to do to stop. he says he feels the same about my past, but i feel the way i feel about his is entirely different. so, how can i stop feeling jealous and hung up over his past? thanks xx
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female
reader, lovelife1437  +, writes (3 January 2010):
The past is done and over with and there's nothing you can do to change it because it already happened, as long as you weren't a part of it. If you were a part of his past then it would make sense for you to be worked up on some issues but otherwise there is no issue. It's not common sense to date someone and getting upset over his/her past because you choose to date him for who he is at the moment, not who he was. As long as you two are good to each other in the present (we can't predict the future), then the past shouldn't be an issue or make you jealous. Concentrate on creating a "good past" in regarding to your current relationship and not what you and him have done/said before you've met, it doesn't make any sense to focus so much on his past or yours. If there's no way for you to sort out your jealousy and annoyance, then maybe you need some time off from the relationship and recollect your thoughts about your true feelings. If you love him, then cherish the moments that you're together and see "pass" his past. Otherwise, you'll be too focused on his past and slowly but surely the relationship will not last because eventually he'll either be fed up with the drama or you'll get really exhausted and unhappy. Good Luck! :-)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2010): Start with yourself. The past does not matter, you live for now and look forward to tomorrow. It takes time and it can be simple, but you have to find a class or a book or just self realize. You should be concerned about your and your future and not allow your past to control your future. (Even if you have only done good, you can do even better)
If anothers past is concerning you, then you might want to step back and look at the person as a whole and what they are doing for themself first, and then how it works with you allowing that person in your life.
That is all i can say. I have learned so much and made os many relationship mistakes. Love you and let only good people in your life and be forgiving but make others accountable in they want to be a part of your world. change no one but yourself and remember life is short enjoy yours
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