A
female
age
30-35,
*yriekins
writes:I've dated a few guys seriously. Each relationship getting better and better. But it seems the past 2 breakups have been from my own issues (either I grew out of the relationship or we didn't feel like it was the right time for us, blah blah). My current boyfriend and I are a wonderful pair. We are highly talkative and open about many subjects. I don't complain about shit the way annoying girlfriends do. I get along very well with his friends. We text every thought we have. I feel safe, we will be financially amazing in the future, are both mature. We basically share a brain. Etc Etc.One thing we have in common is that we've discussed having sex with other people. Not to say that mine and his relationship isn't serious, but that having sex with another person shouldn't be banned because of us dating. For him, it's more of a physical need, but I tend to attach emotions to the act. Neither of us have actually slept with anyone else, though since we met 2 years ago.Honestly, not being tied to one person is very appealing to me. I like that I have the chance, if I took it, to fuck someone random for the fun of it. There are some people I even have in mind. The problem related to this post, is that I want to fuck people who I actually have crushes on, which is more than one person. We decided the open relationship would work because we pretty much can't imagine dating someone better than each other. We are a wonderful wonderful match. But the problem relating to this post is that I seem to attach girlfriend like feelings to other guys. I love imagining how guys are as boyfriends. I love talking to them in a way that get them to act boyfriend-like (mostly in the way they talk). I also flirt a lot with the guys in my life. Part of it is that I love being loved. I've heard others mention this before. I love being surrounded by guys and getting attention. Not as a needy annoying chick though. I always act as one of the guys. A girl that's actually fun hanging out with instead of a stress test with legs.A silly example is that last night a one of the guys in my guild's online chat was slightly drunk and seemed to love everything I did. The typical "You're awesome, I love you man" kind of drunk talk. But that's so addicting. His game character and I ended up running around the world just hanging out and talking a tiny bit in a private voice chat room. Not too much honestly. But in the end, we're now pretending to be each other online bf and gf. He does know that I have a real boyfriend in real life. My bf doesn't mind this at all.This second example has other factors to it. I hung out with my ex boyfriend the other night. (We broke up years ago because we were on different levels yadda yadda). We were fine til he dated someone else and I was crushed. I was in love with this guy.. I wanted him back badly. It was like an obsession. I started dating my current boyfriend eventually and tried to forget about the ex. Anyways, I hung out with the ex at his house. Such a familiar place. We hung out there every day of our relationship basically. And like most relationships, we always did stupid things specifically together. Like watch livestreams of video games, watch netflix, crack each others back. You know what I mean. Those things you miss after you break up. Anyways we basically did everything we used to when we dated. It was very surreal and exciting. We were sitting on opposite sides of the couch watching movies and I eventually had the courage to asking him to lay his head in my lap. That's about all we did physically, but it was such a rush. Like the feelings of first dating someone mixed with nostalgia. So addicting.This example made me wonder a few things, like is an ex out of bounds for the open relationship? I just can't see explaining that I had sex with my ex (if we ever did) to my boyfriend being an easy thing. Another question is: Is it cheating if I'm slightly emotionally attached to other guys? Or is it just a natural thing? I just have a lot of fun being close to guys and imagining them as my boyfriend. It might be able to pass as a hobby. Then again I also hear a lot about monogamy being unnatural.I can't really pick out a specific spoon fed question to write down for you guys. I'm mostly looking for other personal stories related to being interested in being everyone's girlfriend. Or being addicted to the boyfriend side of guys. Or maybe personal experiences with open relationships or polyamorous one. Like I wonder if this is something other people go through. I'm lucky I'm not with a guy who won't ever let me touch another man if we get married.Thanks for any advice or comments.
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broke up, chat room, crush, drunk, flirt, I love you, my ex, sex with another, text, video games Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (1 February 2014):
Why don't you ask your bf? Maybe he's okay with you having feelings with more than just him. How would you feel if he had feelings for someone else? I think if you're both okay with it it could be very satisfying, yet you'd likely not feel very secure.
Also remember that you may fall in love with someone who's not okay with your arrangement.
If I was you, I'd keep it simple. Date guys, have sex with them, but try to avoid becoming too attached by distancing yourself. Be honest with both them and your boyfriend.
A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (1 February 2014):
 Your feelings may not be common, but in the great scheme of romantic and sexual preferences they aren't weird either. There are couples out there for whom open or polyamorous relationships not only "work" but are enjoyable for all involved.
Here is the problem: when you open a relationship, the traditional definition of "cheating" no longer applies, as both partners are typically looking for, and accepting of, sexual activity outside the primary partnership. You and he can judge all potential new partners on a case-by-case basis, but this may get tiresome and it may not feel fair (i.e. you accept that he is going to sleep with a particular girl, but he vetoes the guy you were looking to sleep with or vice versa).
More practical, and therefore what I would suggest, is that - since you and your primary partner connect and communicate well enough to make this somewhat atypical arrangement reality - you have an open and honest conversation in which the two of you set clear boundaries for what is permissible. The ground rules arising from such a discussion should be able to answer whether any future liaison either of you has is appropriate or not, and you won't have to "wonder" if your partner would find something acceptable or would be hurt by it. When in doubt, of course, don't place your main relationship in jeopardy for a bit of fun.
Good luck and best wishes :)
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