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female
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anonymous
writes: hi. i know my other half has been going on to dating sites,etc. i'm not sure if it has stopped. the only way i can find out is to look at his internet history or email but, as i don't know his password, i can not do that. anyone know another way of finding out without searching all the sites? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (17 February 2006):
 Hi, I didn't realise you have a child together and also a child from another relationship I must admit. OK so you say you live together and you don't know how you would be single again if the relationship does not go forward. Women cope extremely well but when children are involved the best advice I would say is that try and convince your partner for the sake of your child that you should go and get help i.e. Relate or couple counselling. Most men will try and say they don't need help from outsiders but clearly you do. If he is scared of losing you then this might be the answer and there is no hiding anything in counselling. I must admit I went through Relate and Couple Counselling and individual counselling and the way in which I have now learnt to communicate with my ex and talk myself forward with my 5 year old daughter has made me so much more confident and stronger as a person. Get help now before the arguments affect your children as it is just not fair for them to see you either not communicating or arguing. Whoever says it doesn't affect the children or they don't know are just fooling themselves. If money is tight try Relate and tell them how much you can afford and you will get help - believe me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe left me once a little while ago because of something he had heard which wasn't true. he talked to my mum about it and basically said that he was scared of losing me so he wanted to end it before i did. i don't know why because as far as i know i have always let him know that i love him and have never given him a reason to think otherwise. he may be keeping his options open in case i leave him but if he hadn't started all this then i would have no reason to want to leave him!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou Country Woman. The problem is that we do have a child together. I also have another child who has already seen me go through a break up with his dad. I am 25. My partner is 29. To be honest, I can't say I get that many looks from men. Unless you count the ones old enough to be my grandad! I wouldn't know where to start with being single again. I've been with my other half for nearly 3 years. I don't know if you would call that a long time but my longest relationship lasted 4 years. I can pick up a guy as easy as catching a cold sometimes but I have a problem keeping them interested. I had an argument with my partner about what I had done. He said we were finished then changed his mind! He also said he never has and never would cheat on me. I live with him as well so one or both of us would have to live with parents again, which is something I don't ever want to do. He told me he has always wanted me so I can't understand his lack of interest in me now. I think the biggest problem is that he won't talk about anything and doesn't seem to want to ackknowledge that there is a problem
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female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (12 February 2006):
A man who spends there time on a computer looking out and talking to other women for conversation (sexual or non) are not worth bothering with. My ex spent over 2 and a half years on his computer while I was left holding the baby as it started when she was 7 months old. If you don't have children and you are young, pretty and get plenty of looks from other men then go and be with a man who values you for who you are. This man will never change, believe me I know. How long have you been with him? If it isn't long then he is just keeping his options open the whole time and if there is no sex with you after only a short time in the relationship then you have answered your own question. Tittilation with another female can sometimes be all it is but it is still lies to you and you deserve so much more like a man who wants to spend time with you and shower you with love. Don't stay just because you think that there is no-one else for you. Decent men are definitely out there you just need to look, but give yourself time to rediscover you as a single woman again and go and enjoy yourself with your female friends first, don't rush it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2006): personally i think you should get rid of him. Your obviously not happy with him and there is clearly a lack of trust. it is never going to work because it is obvious that he is never going to change. i was in a similar situation before, i didnt trust my bf and i read his txt messages and im glad i did, dumping him was the best decision ive ever made.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi. just to update the situation. i let him know what i had done with the fake email thing. he told me he had replied saying they had got the wrong person which was a lie. he told me he knew it was me and thought he'd play along with it. I'm not sure if he said that because it was the truth or if it was that he thought he might hook up if the person was real and he concocted the excuse just in case. i am finding it really hard to trust him because i know he has lied about a few things. he said the dating sites, etc were old but some were from the past few months. i also noticed one which he had signed up to when we had only been together for a few months! is this just about an ego boost or does he actually want to cheat on me? he told me he hasn't and doesn't want to but he won't talk until he is ready. i am always the one who has to apologise and i don't know if he even realises he has done something wrong or if he just doesn't want to face up to it. he said we will talk when he is ready but that could be never. he has said things like that before but he just seems to ignore things as if they're just going to go away.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi all. thanx 4 the advice. i tried the keylogger thing but it didn't work! i set up a fake email account to catch him out. it worked. my doppelganger has arranged to meet him tomorrow night! i know i should probably leave him but i want to get to the bottom of why this started in the first place and why he wants to cheat on me when he's said he still wants me! i know he'd end the relationship if it was the other way around but i just can't do it.
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female
reader, pleasure_pain +, writes (7 February 2006):
you can get a program called 'keylogger" it tracks everywhere people on your computer visit
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2006): I have no idea how you can check up on him re: dating sites. Hun, he lies, he's on dating sites! What does that tell you about him? Why are you tolerating this? Don't you ever ask yourself-why you 'need' to be in a relationship with a guy you can't trust?? Trust is foundational. It is the most important thing to build a healthy, loving, mature relationship on. You don't have this. Come clean and tell him you want him to stop. If he doesn't..then end this relationship because this is not real love. If you stay, you will continually feel more and more undervalued, as time goes on..because you are permitting this. Ask why you allow this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni have tried confronting him. All he does is lie. I know he has been looking for older women. And has posted profiles on sex dating sites.ie. he's looking for an older sexual partner. he has totally lost interest in sex with me and i can not understand why he would want to look elsewhere for sex instead of being with me. i know many people turn to these sites when sex has become a rarity but he is the one who has chosen not to have sex with me any more.
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female
reader, charlie432 +, writes (7 February 2006):
I don't think you should. be honest! the best way is to be up front with him about it, not to cause an argument, but to talk to him about why he's doing what he's doing. Men do silly things like this for lots of reasons, usually to boost their male ego's to make them feel good about themselves. I think there are underlying issues in your relationship which needs to be sorted. Charlie x
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female
reader, xxhoney69xx +, writes (7 February 2006):
 i hate it when men do this i am almost certain that he will not carry through with a meeting from a dating service but i know it is just the thought that hurts, the only thing i can suggest is that you set up an account saying you are 21 got big boobs long blonde hair you are a size 8 and really pretty and put someone elses picture on there so that he doesn't know it is you and then crack a joke with ur hubby about a site you have heard of and with any luck he will join and then message him as someone else and if he replies you have your answer, i know it is a long winded way of doing it but it could be worth it hope you are ok xxxx
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