A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice! I met a girl about 3.5 years ago. We moved very fast but loved each other very much, about 9 months into our relationship she became pregnant. Our relationship was good but we became to fight more and more. We became distant for a few months after our son was born and I made the mistake of cheating on her. We broke up got back together and forgave each other. Then one night I went out to the bar with some friends and came home and she accused me of cheating when I wasnt. TO make a long story short after having my cell phone and a cpl other things tossed at me I slapped her and was arrested for domestic abuse. After the incident I went to angermanagement and recieved help for what happened. We then broke up and have been apart for a year. We still had contact because of our son that we share custody and have every two weeks. We have been friends for the last year and got along great. About 3 weeks ago she calls me and says she wants our family back together. I agree and say that we both have had time to change and that we still love each other. I put a notice in my job to quit, dropped a couple classes in school in order to move to where she lives now (which is about 2 hours away). We spend 4 days together getting things situated and I came home a cpl days ago to pack. I get a txt msg yesterday from her that says im sorry im going back to my ex bf. ( whom she just broke up with a cpl days before she got back with me). She has dated him for about 3 or 4 months now. I dont know what to do. I love her so much and I know she loves me. I understand that she is scared, we have broke up and got back together twice now but Im older and have learned from my mistakes and just wanna be there for her and my son. How can I show her that things have changed and that it will work. She said if she knew it would work she would love to be with me and have our family together and now again she is not sure on what she wants to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow some people can be jerks like the post below. Dont listen to people like that, people can change and it sounds like you do love her and she does love you she just is afraid to get hurt again. Give her some more time she wouldnt have come to you if she didnt have fealings for you and just show her that you have changed by being a great dad. Trust is a funny thing, it can be gone in a moment but could take a lifetime to gain back. Its always nice for familys to get back together but if yours dosent just hope a friendship can still happen. good luck.
A
female
reader, hmae89 +, writes (12 March 2010):
I think you should just wait it out and see. Give her time to be with him and see if she is truly happy although I know this is hard. If you didn't really love her and want things to work, you wouldn't be on here asking for advice. Everyone makes mistakes and we hurt the people who we are closest to. Time will only tell. If it doesn't work out for the both of you, it wasn't meant to be so just remember that. Do you want to keep chasing after something you know in your heart won't work out in the long run or do you want to be happy? I'm not saying this won't work out but just something to think about. Life is short so really think if this is worth it to wait and see what she wants. Good luck! :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010): I think what you have to do is not push her but show her that you have learned and changed. You show her this by acting mature about what she tells you, or even if she is immature and indecisive you must try to be the better one and not get mad or angry with her. Right now I think she makes a mistake by going back and forth between guys, but it is a clear sign that she does not really know what she wants and needs more time to figure it out. In the meantime you should be good to her, supportive, take great care of your son. When she sees how well you do with your son, how calm and mature you are with him, and how well you handle her when she is on her insecure side, she will come to trust you again. What your relationship needs is to build up trust again, and that can take a lot of time and work because of all the hurt you have both gone through. Just be aware that it can take more time, she might not be ready to come back to you just yet.
I also think this other guy is just a rebound guy and will be nothing serious, as she already has a child with you AND you know she has considered taking you back and you know she really wants to trust you again.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (12 March 2010):
I really think you need to tell her what you told us. Let her know that you have changed and if she would give you the opportunity to show her, you could then prove it to her. I mean, it kind of sucks you quit your job and dropped some classes to go be with and then have her turn around and say she's getting back with the other dude. It sounds to me like she's a bit confused. You can't force her to see that you've changed, you can only do so if she lets you back in. If she chooses to, you need to let her know that she has to be sure that she wants things to be over with the current boyfriend. Honestly, it sounds like too much drama.
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