A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi, i have a bit of a concern/ worry for my gf. Its a bit mixed up, but:She thinks that i do not trust her much, when my questions are general noseyness and not wanting suprises. She knows i trust her, she asks if i would like to look through her phone or her e-mails every so often and i tell her 'no i trust you' she tells me i ask too many questions for my own good. And i shouldnt have to ask her questions as much as i do. This makes me slightly nervous, iv had a couple of girls say this line when they are trying to keep you away from finding out something they regret.. Anyway i let her get on with things, ask questions about how her day went, if she mentions a friend, i talk about what they said with her to try and kickstart a convo, i would add to a topic they discussed earlier sometimes.I also want to consider moving in with this girl, but i feel she has a few life issues first, like she wont go to the bathroom at mine and she lives 30 miles away, so she can only stay a few days at a time at mine, she has her own car, but wont drive to see me with it, im normally driving my own car, she doesnt help with petrol either as she says im going that way anyway and she shouldnt have to help with a journey im already making, shes lazy and has no motivation to get on with things, other guys seem to have more influence over her than i do sometimes and that makes me feel undermined, i also fear she has her doubts about me, as she's starting to project saying im hard to talk to...im normally trying to start the convos and keep them going really. She has also been staying up into the early hours of the morning, this concerns me for her health and mental ability, i log off at about 10:30pm, but due to insomnia i log back on at around 1-1:30ish, shes still online listening to music. She was extreemely pissed off today because her rents have started turning their internet off at 11, it dosent help that she has a hard time at work. She also wont go into detail about what she's doing up so late at night, just says nothing. shes shut off her feelings to me, i cant find out how shes feeling really, like whats bothering her atm. Im concerned n also wondering out of curiosity whats keeping her up so late, is it a new friend she met off speedate, i dunno...shes constantly making new friends off dating websites (i dont agree with it, but i let her out of faith n shes her own person), but suddenly upping the hours spent online, and talking to me less and not being so enthusiastic about me seeing her does have me thinking a bit. How do i fix things with a girl that wont budge when i speak to her about the problems? The driving thing insults me, shes happy to drive to her ex's in the dark (which she tells me she can't do) which is half the distance to mine... also my feeling that she thinks i dont trust her, how do i show her i trust her without being too disinterested in how her day went, how shes feeling etc and help her take into account my noseyness?
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male
reader, ManAfterChrist  +, writes (21 April 2010):
 My OWN opinion, and I don't know you two personally so please take what you will, is that she is not ready for you.You seem able to look at things from an outward perspective, and you are also able to analyze situations in a mature manner. You respect your woman, and you like to know about her day because you like HER. But she doesn't seem to be on the same maturity as you. She seems to have some commitment issues by what you are saying. And if what I am saying isn't true, if she actually is very mature and you just have this negative of a view, then you probably don't like her enough to stay with her forever. In either case, you might want to just consider moving on. You don't seem content, and that is a big issue. There is a LOT of other women out there. Let me know if this helps... I wish you luck.
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