A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am the first to admit that I'm not the best in bed, I can never seem to last long at all, with or without a condom. I'm worried that the lack of ability to satisfy my girlfriend's needs may be grating her the wrong way (tho I always make a point of finishing her after I do). Oral sex and hand jobs are no problem, only full intercourse is the problem. Is there anything I can do to help me last longer and hopefully help her achieve orgasm during the act?PS: We've tried "toys" to no effect
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condom, hand-job, last longer, oral sex, orgasm Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2013): CMMP and anon poster after him, you are definitely LYING that its possible for every woman to achieve an orgasm through intercourse. The ladies have been faking it i can bet on that.
OP, the clit is the most important place to concentrate on if you want to make her cum. During intercouse it should be stimulated as well. Missionary works well as you can rub it with your lower belly. It feels great. But concentrating on intercourse only without paying attention to the clit definitely wont work no matter how long you last.
The most amazing orgasms ive had were through oral, not intercourse. Keep doing what youre doing op, but try making her cum before intercouse rather than after. See the appreciative sex you'll get.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 January 2013):
 I would so love to be the partner of these men that say that it's a crock that almost all women can orgasm from penile penetration....
I don't even want to think how many of these women are faking it to appease a man who won't stop till they think they got it right. IF I had a partner who demanded that I orgasm the way he wanted me too, I'd fake it too. Kegels come in very handy for that.
Many women find sex satisfying without that magic intercourse orgasm. Trust me.
Personally I think the whole finishing together is a crock. I can't enjoy BOTH orgasms at the same time. I can enjoy mine or his... and yes I do get a lot of pleasure out of my partner's orgasm.
I have had more partners than all the respondents below me combined. I can guarantee that. Male and female. I have in all my born days had ONE vaginal orgasm that was satisfying in terms of my not needing to 'finish myself'. This does not mean I have not had satisfactory intercourse. I have. I think of intercourse as more for my partner than me. Oral is for me. Cuddling is for me, affection is for me...
I am grateful that I can have orgasms. I have friends who sadly in their 50s have never had even one...
OP you need to accept that your penis is not what thrills her. if you make sure to "finish her off" (sounds like you are killing her) after wards maybe finish her off first with oral then see how it goes.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 January 2013):
 Sigh...no matter how many stats extensive studies from the most reputable and trustworthy research institutions on sexuality crank out,- and no matter what WOMEN say, after all they should know what they feel down there, no?- apparently some myths can't ever be dispelled. The most popular, at least on DC, is that women need a big penis to enjoy sex. Close second comes the one that says that an orgasm obtained through penetration is "better " sort of...nobler ?, more serious ?,more "real" ?, than one obtained by other means .If there isn't a penis in motion...then it's an inferior orgams, a class B orgasm.
Sigh... such a phallocratic view of sex. All these years and we are still stuck on Freud .
Who is responsible for so much bad , anxiety ridden, and anxiety inducing sex .
The truth is, an orgasm is an orgasm is an orgasm . Oral is fine, manual is fine, and you don't need to strive for anything else, unless SHE is the one who said is not fulfilled and needs an orgasm through penetration to feel good ( which I doubt is the case ).
Either she is one of the many,many, many women who do not orgasm through penetration ( and that CMMP was so " lucky" to never meet - but perhaps some of them pulled a Meg Ryan on him :) ...it happens... sad but true ) , or she can and could orgasm through penetration, but, not surprisingly , she needs more time. She needs more time if you are extra fast, .. and she probably would even if you were average ( about 7 minutes ). Because, in average, women need more time of constant stimulation to reach orgasm ( I think the average is 15 ?20 something like that )- that's why they have invented FOREPLAY. You don't need to keep drilling for 15 minutes, but you need to keep her at a peak of excitement for longer than it takes for you to come. You could try bring her to the verge of orgasm, and only then add penetration.
But if that does not work either - relax. Enjoy. It's all fine. She does not mind ( unless you start making her feel like a loser because she can't come as you'd prefer ).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): I'll have to agree with CMMP on his first statement; I don't think it's necessarily fair to claim that "most women don't orgasm during sex." True, there are some women who do not orgasm from standard intercourse, but I've been able to get almost all of my partners to orgasm from sex. It is important to add that with some of those partners, however, I had to 'learn' that particular woman's body before I could.I feel Sex with a partner is both emotionally and physically stimulating, whereas pornography serves the purpose of taking care of physical needs only. (After all: masturbation, in general, will train a person to orgasm as quickly as possible. But that doesn't mean that a person can't prolong the process when it matters.) Sex with a person you care about is an entirely different situation.I think the key here is experimentation. Over the years, I've learned that some motions and positions are extremely stimulating to me, while others are not. The important thing to realize is: just because it doesn't stimulate you much does NOT mean it does not stimulate her. If you could find some positions or motions that build her towards orgasm while doing little for you, then you'll last much longer while helping her to achieve orgasm.Also, as was previously suggested, masturbation before intercourse will help you to last longer.In the end, what's most important is that you're both happy with each other. I can tell that you care about your girlfriend very much. The fact that you always make sure to help her achieve orgasm makes you a great lover in my opinion. It's true, orgasming together is a very romantic and emotionally powerful experience, but it isn't necessary to be happy together. Continue caring for your girlfriend the way that you do and I'm sure you'll be fine!
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (14 January 2013):
I always see people here claim most women don't orgasm during sex but that's not been my experience. Not that it's not possible, but I wouldn't assume that's the case or she may be left unhappy.
An orgasm via sex makes people closer I think. If she's been unable to cum from sex before you then it's great that your helping her in other ways, most guys probably wouldn't.
I don't know how to help you last longer except to suggest you stop watching porn as it can train you to come as fast as possible. Also you may want to masturbate before having sex so that you last.
When it comes to pleasuring her I'd just try new things and take note of what she responds to.
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A
male
reader, FightingBee123 +, writes (14 January 2013):
 Getting in good shape will help blood flow, endurance and will also increase testosterone.As with everything practice makes perfect, find her favorite thing and focus on doing that. Also stimulating the clit helps. Viagera works too.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 January 2013):
 The vast majority of women (more than 3/4) of women do not orgasm from intercourse. As long as she's orgasming other ways, why does it matter if she orgasms from that? It's really just not how women orgasm.
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