A
female
age
51-59,
*inecone
writes:I separated from my husband almost 18 months ago but have to remain in the same house due to financial pressures. Just after we separated I became more than friendly with a man I'd known from a distance, he told me he too was separated although I later found out he still lived with his wife too. We've got on really well and built our relationship up gradually, we now love each other and speak every day. The problem for me is we only see each other once a fortnight and that's only ever during the day. I've asked him about this in a lighthearted manner but he says as he works at night, when he's off he just likes to stay in.I'm beating myself up over this thinking he's with other women all the time although there's no evidence but to make things worse, he's just got a day job where he's working very closely with a lovely young woman, again there's no evidence anything is going on between them but in my mind they're with each other all the time. How can I rid myself of this jealousy before I kill our relationship? I haven't mentioned a word of this to him by the way, I act very very cool but it's getting harder and harder, help!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): I have found this question a bit difficult to take for real? To me it sounds as if he is not separated at all.
I agree with eyeswideshut, he must be taking the P..s.
Only sees you once a fortnight, in the day time. No, you don't have the normal sort of relationship I am familiar with. So does he also work in the weekends, like can you have dinner on a Sunday night, go away for the weekend? I think he may still be "married" sorry.
Make a decision. Tell him your no longer wanting scraps. You want to take the relationship to a new level - see what he does and says. Then you will know. I don't think the girl at the office is necessarily the person he is spending all his spare time with. You need answers not woffle about working nights, thats bulls...t!
good luck.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (7 September 2007):
 You are not separated if you are still living with your husband and neither is he. I'll bet his wife doesn't even know she's supposed to be separated from her husband let alone about you! The reason you don't see him very much is because he's sneaking around behind his wife's back. You are only getting stolen moments, my dear, and he's getting his cake. And yeah,I'd worry about the co-worker too because this guy is a cheater.
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A
male
reader, duce00 +, writes (7 September 2007):
 So you love a man who is living with his ex? You are living with your ex? And your worried abut your new man having an affair at work? Wow, that is complicated!
There seems to be only one answer to this. Both you and your ex need to be free of the baggage of your marriages and become able to have a relationship and home of your own. I cant see how else to work this out. I would be willing to bet that this would cure some of your worries about him and the girl at work.
Neither of you will have your own life until your free of your marriages. I wonder why your not more concerned about him having the occasional fling with his ex since she is under the same roof. Maybe theres some projection on the girl at work. Honestly, dont you feel some discomfort with his ex being at his house every day? If I were him Id worry about these issues with you. Dont you see how there is no stability here? You have a relationship that includes two extra people who are just getting in the way.
I hope you ALL can go on to have independant and happy lives.
Duce
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (7 September 2007):
 This is a hard one. Is there no way the two of you could afford to get a place together. I dont think you will ever have peice of mind in this awfull situation.
The good thing is that if he is now working days he can see you a lot more. (Personally I would not be happy if he refused to do this).
If he loves you, and you him, surely you can make some sacrifices and be together. But if he show's no interest in this, I think you should move on and find someone else. Your top prority should be getting away from your ex. What man is going to except you still living with him?.
Good luck XX
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A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (7 September 2007):
 Hi
You have to deal with your insecurities. i have also had this problem and the truth is that i almost destoyed my relationship.Get reassurance from him and then you shoudl be ok.What are your plans for this relationship in the future?
Regards,mail me if you wanna talk
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