A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I love my husband and want my marriage to work. I've spent months thinking I don't love him and then when we're about to split up I feel like my heart is breaking in two.How can I repair months of damage of making him feel unwanted and allow him to feel happy and secure in our relationship again? I want things to work out and want to start a family as soon as we're definitely staying together but need to ensure it can definitely work before doing that.Any couples in very long term relationships - how do you keep it more than just good friendship and ensure a spark remains? Would appreciate any advice from aunts and uncles!!Thanks
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female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (16 March 2009):
 Hi there,
I think that to keep a marriage spicy and not just a friendship (such a challenge, I know!) it takes a lot of dedication from both parties. People say that marriage is hard work and that's no lie. To keep things spicy, you need to make efforts to create romance and passion. How does that happen? By trying new things!
In life, things can get boring if you just follow the same routine day by day. That's why you fell in love, life got different! Better! Spicier. So, you need to keep that energy going. You need to fall in love again by going on dates, having fun in the bedroom and keeping things from falling flat and into routine. This can be as simple as doing it in a different place or in funky purple lingerie.
Since you don't have kids yet, your opportunities are even greater. You can take solo trips and explore new places and create new memories together. Also remember, that now you're familiar with what ticks him off, so when the opportunity arises to push his buttons - just don't do it. Sometimes in a relationship you have to grit your teeth and not say that biting remark, or don't push the fight further or just apologize, even if you think you're in the right.
I think that this is a major challenge for you and your partner. But if you're willing to make those sacrifices and really commit to making this relationship/marriage WORK I think you can do it. If your husband isn't up to it, seek professional counseling for the both of you.
Good luck!
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