A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:i have been married for 16 years.my wife is sick of me being a control freak. i have hurt her and she wants me to change. she says we need to be friends before anything else. she wont be intimate with me.i am very fortunate that she hasnt left me.i really love her and my daughter and want us to be a happy family.what can i do to make things better? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2010): Being a control freak is a mental disorder which requires specialist help. you will find control freaks suffer from insecurity, anxiety, and low self esteem.trying to control your temper, or your controlling ways is not the answer. you will find, if you overcome the underlying problems,of insecurity, anxiety and low self esteem, you will stop being a control freak.how do i know all this??? because im a control freak trying to get specialist help!!!
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (10 January 2010):
 The desire to control comes from deep emotional insecurities. In other words you feel like you can't trust your wife unless you control her.
Trust has to be earned and it has to go both ways.
If you try and exercise too much control, instead of letting your wife make decisions based on her reasons (provided they're valid of course and I presume they normally would be)
then you are one step closer to being friends.
But that trust has to be mutual. Try telling your wife about all of the things she's doing or not doing that are making you feel insecure. What is it that you need to experience or her to express that will increase your trust level in her and her thoughts and feelings so that you can be happier together.
Right now, it sounds like a one way street. No one, male or female, wants to live in a controlled relationship. That's why she doesn't want physical intimacy with you. She's not turned on by a control freak.
So the way you fix it is changing your behavior and the way you change that behavior as a couple is to start working together and making decisions together.
Try looking into her heart, hearing it from her perspective; try listening to her ideas and thoughts. Do so without judging her at all. Try and just open your mind and heart to what she thinks, believes, what she wants and desires, and most of all what she needs.
If you can let her start doing things for the two of you, then that will make her happy and its a fresh start for both of you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2010): Stop being a control freak, loosen up a little bit, let other people take control, learn to trust the people you're with, and value them.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (10 January 2010):
It is true that you're fortunate, but it shows also that your wife does really love you. I think you need counselling. The need for control is often because of insecurity, so you need to look back at your life and think about what it is that has happened to make you feel like you always need control. Counselling will help you understand it, and will also prove to your wife that you're serious about changing as well.
...............................
|
