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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I'm 24, recently out of a long, troubled relationship. I think we broke up for good a couple months ago already. Anyway, when I was with him, I wanted to be single. Now that I'm single, I feel very lonely despite having many friends and my family, etc. I don't really want him back... I guess it's just I'm starting to feel unlovable. On past occassions in which we'd broken up, I'd met other guys and hook up but the moment they started showing more interest, I panicked and wanted nothing to do with them. But then again, it's like I'm constantly looking for reassurance that I'm pretty, desirable and likeable. I don't know how to let go of this. To just not care about relationships or men. I must add I recently met a guy with whom I felt a real connection and with whom I would have actually liked to have something more serious, but he lives far away so it can't be. Now I'm constantly thinking about him and what could have been. I miss him, etc. It wasn't like a rebound thing, 'cause I've had those and this didn't feel like it, I actually like this guy. I'm having problems moving on, though. Anyway, that situation makes me feel even lonelier and more pathetic. How can I quit basing my worth on whether I'm single or not, with guys pursuing me or not? It's like when guys don't show interest I feel I must be ugly and gross.I have so many issues from what I see here... any insight?
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (25 April 2013):
 Your issue is about you, not about guys or relationships. When you don't find worth within yourself, for yourself, you seek to supplement it with how others view you. You need to feel attractive by how others view you, because you don't view yourself as being attractive. You are not whole, so you seek others to temporarily fill the voids that you lack within yourself.
Once you begin to find value within yourself, for yourself, your world will change. Your relationships and friendships will be greatly enhanced.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2013): Op the best advice I can give is to complete yourself. Surely you have dreams, goals and desires that are far more easily attained when single. Surely you have better things to do in your life than date. If not then you need to get some.
OP I have plenty of friends like you, they feel incomplete without a man, yeah I know, we're just that amazing. I have others who treat dating as so important because it's the only hobby they have.
Unfortunately OP this is probably just who you are, a person who needs a man to complete her. Someone who becomes desperate, needy and lonely when she doesn't have one of us amazing penis havers in her life. The only time I've ever seen a woman get over this kind of thing is when she found other things to focus her time and energy on.
I just know so many people who put romance and the opposite sex at the top of their list of life's priorities and it makes them miserable when they don#'t have that.
Nothing you can do about it OP, I mean as a woman you fill your life with love songs, romance movies, erotic novels, magazines detailing the relationships of celebs, soap operas focusing on relationships, have your mother and female friends talking about boys and asking why you don't have a man, feeling pity on you etc.
You've built your life to make us guys the most important thing in it, if not then why do you feel so sad without us?
Find yourself a new hobby, a new passion, a new obsession and understand OP, being the way you are makes you our bitch. It really does OP, the women I know who are like you tolerate the worst shit from men because they're so scared of being alone they think a slap in the face or being called names, or cheated on is much better than being alone and the more pitiful of those are the ones who get attached far too quickly and cling in desperate hope to the first guy they really have a connection with and if that only lasts a week or two it's as bad as any break up and really fucks with their lives.
My best advice would be to stay single for a while, don't go on dating sites. Don't agree to dates and see what happens, you may be surprised to find yourself taking up new hobbies etc. and actually enjoying being single.
I love being single just as much as I love being in relationships but I've never been a person who ever felt lonely when I had friends and family. But then again I'm a guy, society doesn't look down on me for being single, I'm not pathetic or supposed to be depressed when single because society doesn't constantly feed me lies about being less of a person if I don't have a partner like it does for women.
You'll never stop basing your opinions on what others think OP, some people like me don't give a shit, but I'm rare. Human's are social animals we need others. Some, like you, put your entire worth into what others think. That'll never change OP, we guys are too important to you, we own you.
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